AIBU not to want to think up my own birthday gifts?

[Longhairmightcare]

I recently had a birthday - not a big one. I’m past the age where I expect gifts from friends - a hbd message is fine. we sometimes have a meal with friends if I’m organised enough.

This one friend (who I love) is coming to visit tomorrow -unrelated to birthday- and must think that because it’s so close she must bring a gift, which is very kind of her, but unnecessary. I of course said she didn’t have to get anything.
She asked if I would like [thing], but I already have a thing.

My AIBU is now I’m being tasked with thinking of something for her to get for me, to give to me tomorrow. I tried suggesting a bottle of wine, “oh no something better than that” was response. I have reiterated several times that I just want to see her, no gift required. But she’s insistent and has now ‘left it with me’ to message her with something.
I don’t bloody want to think of something.

I’m knee deep in trying to think of Xmas presents for everyone, just had DS birthday, I just haven’t got the mental space to come up with my own birthday gift.

AIBU to think that if you’re hell bent on getting a gift for someone you don’t make it the ‘job’/problem of the recipient?

WIBU to just ignore these messages from now on?

Yanbu

Tell her you’d like a Chanel handbag in that case

She wants to make sure that you get something that you really want. Its nice of her.

Surely you can think of some things off the top of your head?

Ask her to bring a bottle of fizz and some cake.

I love bift buying/choosing - and listening out in conversation for things people say that they like.
I like surprises - but there is one person that likes to be told, or given a list, and generally when she goes "off piste" gets it spectaculalrly wrong. We now have a compromise where she gets me something I ask for and a small surprise.
It's a bit irritating, but if someone is going to give me a gift, I'd love it to be something I really like.

I’m always amazed when people can’t think of something they would like.

She's being kind. She wants to get you something that you'll like instead of a generic second guess gift. There are enough threads on here about people forgetting birthdays or getting the wrong gift. Think of something you'd like, quick text, treasure your thoughtful friend.

All the posters saying to just think of something are missing the point. OP doesn't have any mental bandwidth left, and what she actually wants is not to have to do any additional thinking for anyone.

Just say "I want a surprise"

I think you've told her no gift and you've also given her a suggestion. A bottle of wine. Which she has rejected. I can empathise with you feeling harried and hassled and not wanting to provide a shopping list. I think I'd just repeat, there's nothing else I need. A bottle of wine would be lovely. And leave it at that. She's trying to be kind but it's not working.

You’re not being unreasonable in principle, of course not.

But she just wants to make sure you get something you actually want, which isn’t a bad thing, really. I know you know that and you say that you love your friend, so I don’t think you’re holding it against her. You’re just too tired, too busy, too stressed.

Maybe text her and honestly say, I am just too tired, I honestly have no space left to think of something. I just want to see you and have a bit of time with my good friend. Then don’t reply any more.

Book or a candle

What did she suggest?

Urgh no, she's not "being kind" she's being lazy and pushy. OP has made her wishes clear and they're being ignored. I absolutely hate being pressured to come up with gifts for my birthday or Christmas, my family do it and it just makes the whole thing feel like a chore.

That's tricky, what about some potted plant?

@RedHot22

I’m always amazed when people can’t think of something they would like.

What sort of thing would you like?

I've asked for some Cadbury's Heroes for Christmas. I don't need any clothes. I don't have any space. I don't like people buying books for me as I like to choose my own. I don't like perfume or smellies. I have too many mugs already. No more notebooks or stationery. I genuinely don't need or want anything.

Why don't you ask for a book that your friend has enjoyed reading.

@RedHot22

I’m always amazed when people can’t think of something they would like.

It’s not so much that.

Firstly it needs to be something that can be obtained by tomorrow. The [thing] she suggested was ~£10, this is not about price, don’t jump on me, but does give me a ballpark of what she’s looking to spend.

It needs to be obtainable from her local high street, (think savers, charity shops and an Iceland) because she’s currently unable to drive. Same day Amazon delivery is not a thing where we are abc it’s too late for next day now.

There are of course things I could think of that I like but not much springs to mind that fit above as well as being ‘better’ than a bottle of wine. Honestly I’d be thrilled with a bottle of wine, but she wants me to think of something amazing , under £10 and available within easy reach of her home.

I realise this may be seen as a drip feed unintentional sorry, the OP was long as it is.

@Neolara

Why don't you ask for a book that your friend has enjoyed reading.

That’s a good idea - and it gets her to think about the specifics of the gift.

@Hankunamatata

What did she suggest?

I can’t say because it will definitely out me if she reads this. Something useful but not ‘essential’ which would have been a great gift, I wish I hadn’t coughed to already having one now.

Think along the lines of a candle wick trimmer, small a bit boujie, nice to have but can live without. Except this [thing] you really only would ever need one of them.

Werehamster
“I've asked for some Cadbury's Heroes for Christmas. I don't need any clothes. I don't have any space. I don't like people buying books for me as I like to choose my own. I don't like perfume or smellies. I have too many mugs already. No more notebooks or stationery. I genuinely don't need or want anything.”

Good suggestion - I would be perfectly delighted with miniature heroes, but she’s already said that wine is not nice enough so I’d probably get the same response.

Its not exactly hard is it. For example I'd say earrings or a scarf, I like hush and joules or dior lipsticks. Or get me a nice notebook. Or a new gold toned cushion.

My friends and family don't know. I have to say

@ZenNudist

Its not exactly hard is it. For example I'd say earrings or a scarf, I like hush and joules or dior lipsticks. Or get me a nice notebook. Or a new gold toned cushion.

My friends and family don't know. I have to say

Oh fab, thanks for the brilliant suggestions. She’ll be able to get any of those before 10am tomorrow for her local town (with only Iceland, savers and some charity shops) for under a tenner so that’s absolutely perfect and you’re right, not exactly hard at all.

Just repeat "Honestly, the wine is exactly what I'd like, please get that." Repeat as necessary.

I must admit I hate this too. I’ll get it at Christmas from family.
The thing is, if I tell you and you tell me, we are essentially just swapping stuff. There’s no surprise. Little thought from the other side.
And mostly I’m thinking up stuff for the sake of it.

I get it OP. Whoever said "lazy and pushy" was right. You've given her an idea, just leave it now and don't give it any more headspace.