Meeting the OW?

[nanbread]

A friend of mine's DH left her for another younger, childless woman about a year ago, and recently OW has been spending more and more time with their DC. Friend is devastated by whole thing.

Friend wants to meet OW to try to move on and also so they can be friendly with each other if she is going to be so involved in DC's life. I wouldn't be surprised if her dickhead DH spun the usual lies to OW about their marriage being over way before it was, about DF being a horrible person etc.

He lied to DF when he left saying there was no one else, when he'd been having an affair, so he has form.

Is it a good idea for her to meet OW?

YANBU it's a good idea

YABU no she should stay away from her

A specifically set up meeting puts too much pressure on an assumed outcome for your friend. It would be better to just bump into each other at a sports match or whatever and just saying hi with no pressure to then talk to each other rather than both cheering on the same team etc.

I was once (many years ago) the OW. The guy I was seeing (we worked together) came across as an absolute sweetheart - a devoted father who (according to his many heartfelt stories) was being abused by his horrible, careless, cold-hearted wife and their marriage was over to the point that not only did they not share a bed in years, but he in fact moved out of their marital home and was only there part-time to spend time with his kid.

Sadly, he passed away at a very young age and after his death I met his wife (although I never told her about the affair). She was the absolute opposite of everything he had told me she was and before he died she gave birth to another baby of theirs, oh and they of course lived together.

I think it's a good idea for your friend to meet the OW. The OW might actually realise if the guy spun her loads of lies about his wife.

@FromMumToMeAgain

Urgh. I don’t see anything good for your friend coming from meeting and being friendly to the skanky bitch who was shagging her husband knowing he had a wife and young DC. Apart from making her feel more like shit and having to keep her ‘dignity’ (meaning letting people shit on you and get away with it) at the expense of her own MH.

I would not be able to hold my anger so it would be better for everyone involved if she (and he) was never in my vicinity. I certainly wouldn’t care that she might have been gullible enough to fall for the bullshit my husband might have told her.

Is your friend hoping the OW might break up with him if she knows the truth and he might go back to her? The fact she’s got involved so quickly with his DC after helping break up their family surely shows she’s not got any conscience at all.

Her ex is responsible for for who is around her DC when they’re with him. As long as they are not mentioning anything untoward I wouldn’t be giving her the time of day. If she tried to turn up to DC events, I’d tell her to leave. If the DC asked why I didn’t like her, I’d tell them the age appropriate truth. In fact I would have told them the age appropriate truth at the time the affair was uncovered. What are they learning? That someone can betray you and devastate you in the worst way, and you have to suck it up, hide your feelings and be nice to them?

Being dignified and silent in situations like this only helps the scumbags to carry on with impunity.

Yes her DC should come first but you have to draw the line somewhere and that would be well beyond mine!

With you all the way on this. OW tried to contact me tonight for the first time. DH's problem. End of.