Boy/girl sleepovers (early teens)

[XelaM]

My daughter (nearly 12) is being invited by a boy (12) for a sleepover. It's not like a group birthday party type of thing - it's no one's birthday and she's the only one invited. The boy and my daughter are part of a large group of friends (mostly girls and a few boys) and as far as I know they're just good friends. They boy is a lovely guy and I am friendly with his mum (on a "hello - how're you" basis but don't even know her number). She also seems very nice.

Am I too old-fashioned, as a boy/girl sleepover seems odd to me. What is everyone's opinion on this? Would you be ok with this?

Did the mum not issue the invite? I wouldn't accept anything on the say so of an 11 year old. Ds at 14 arranges his own social life and outings but any sleep overs still come from the parent.

Are they really close friends? Personally I think it seems a bit weird

If it's just the two of them, it does seem a bit odd.

@Tailendofsummer The invite came from the boy directly but she has given him my number, so the mum can contact me. I will definitely wait to hear from the mum, but according to the boy she's ok with it 🤷‍♀️

@iloveredpandas They are good friends but I wouldn't say they are "best" friends. It's a large group of kids (they all meet after school and on weekends for a sport they do every day so they see each other a lot)

@AdoptedBumpkin That's what I thought and I was a bit concerned how the other kids in the group would view this, as it's so unusual, but according to my daughter they all have sleepovers together including at this boys house. I don't know if that's right.

I must say the boy is very nice and has been nothing but very polite and friendly with me.

No way would I allow this

I wouldn’t allow it either. At that age all sleepovers should be going through the parents and I’d be making sure they know that. Regardless of how she’s invited though I still wouldn’t allow it.
Of course he’s being nothing but nice to you, he wants you to allow your daughter to sleep at his house.

I did, but they'd been friends throughout primary with sleepovers happening and although he didn't come out until he was 13, it was fairly obvious he was gay.
Lovely lad, they're still friends now at 20.

I'm glad I'm not just being out-of-touch by finding it a bit odd

No. This wouldn't be allowed by anyone I know.

No its not approoriate.

Absolutely not

That would be a very firm no from me.

@ISpyCobraKai I would be totally fine with it if I thought/knew he was gay, but obviously I wouldn't know this and there's nothing that would indicate that he is.

He is a very nice boy though and I don't want them to stop being friends, so wouldn't want him to take offence

Nope won't allow it.

I wouldn't allow children to have sleepovers full stop. Once she is old enough to extricate herself and come home should she want to, and/or old enough to be embarking on a consensual sex life. That's when, not before.

@XelaM
That's fair enough.
@Joystir59
Do you mean no sleepovers at all, not even same sex?

No

@ISpyCobraKai
I would not allow a child to go on any sleep over in a household which includes a sexually mature male.

And I don't know what him being a nice boy has got to do with anything

Your role as a parent is to protect your child not be popular with her.

I definitely wouldn't allow this (I had very permissive parents and with hindsight I don't forgive them for allowing me to do this very thing). If you don't want to upset him and think it is probably innocent, just say you've got something important on early the next day but you'd be happy to come and pick her up 'later than usual' as a compromise.

[quote Joystir59]@ISpyCobraKai
I would not allow a child to go on any sleep over in a household which includes a sexually mature male.[/quote]
So no one who lives with their dad? Or has a brother? What a shame.

No, I wouldn’t be comfortable with that either

No chance. I recently told my 10 year old boy that he is both too old and too young to have girls stay over now.