Force feeding toddler

[Scoobapro]

I’m trying to keep this brief as it’s potentially outing.

But….I’m in a group chat with some other mums. We met at a group class when our kids were babies and they are now 2 years old.

She has mentioned how stressed she gets at dinner time and how she forces her son sit and eat everything on his plate before he gets down because she’s spent time cooking it.

Today she said every time he spat a piece of food out she physically shoved it back in his mouth until he ate everything. I’m shocked that she’s admitted to doing that and find that extremely invasive and unnecessary.

Am I unreasonable for considering this to be invasive and a bit cruel? I know it’s frustrating when they don’t eat, but that’s 2 year olds. Surely force feeding them isn’t right?

The reason I’m asking AIBU is the responses in the chat so far are quite supportive of this behaviour and I am shocked by that.

I can still remember this being done to me as a small child, there are some foods I couldn’t eat if they were the last things left in the world as I can remember them being forced into my mouth . Lifetime of eating disorders - probably, I massively over/comfort eat and have been overweight for most of my adult life.

Please report op. Think of the child only in this situation and do the right thing

Social services, that’s abuse. Wonder what else she is doing.

You can report this confidentially.

but in my eyes abusive behaviour whether intentional or not isn’t excusable especially to a young child

@Scoobapro

So, what are you going to do about it?

It’s not good enough to say it’s too awkward to say anything to her and make a thread on MN. You need to do better for that poor child.

That’s terrible. If she’s happy to admit that what else might she be doing to the poor child?

Today 18:54 Bagelsandbrie

Scoobapro

Screenshot what’s being said, email it to Nspcc.”

This.

Has no-one challenged this woman?

My son is going through a really fussy stage with his food but I never make him eat. It's frustrating but what's the point of forcing him?
He won't starve. This woman is totally out of order. Bet she wouldn't want to be forced to eat something she didn't like or want.
Perhaps you should ask her how she'd like it if someone force fed her.

This is awful. Could you message her separately being sympathetic but perhaps send some info on how force feeding / making children eat everything on their plate is damaging. And that children of that age will eat if they’re hungry. Poor child.

Have you reported it OP? Chatting on here is doing nothing to help safeguard this child.

Maybe she’s calling out for help by being so open about what is happening. She’s obviously having a very hard time with her fussy toddler, that she is resorting to force feeding him.

I don’t think reporting her would help at all but maybe reach out to her privately.

I also have a fussy toddler who has been like that since 1 years old and at times it is so frustrating, especially when they’re not gaining weight (obviously force feeding is extreme) but you don’t know what she is going through and I think reach out to her, rather than reporting her first

Don't hesitate to report. You'll never regret reporting but you would regret if something worse happened. It's your responsibility now to help him.

It is just pure abusive behaviour. I have a 2yo and it is horrid to think of someone force feeding her. Their appetites can vary so much and she very rarely eats well at dinner time but will often have a big breakfast or lunch.

I have found it upsetting enough needing to get medicine into her when that has been needed. The mum must be in a bad place to be able to force feed a toddler in that way. The child will have been distressed and I imagine crying/pushing back etc. I suspect she will have been restraining in some way otherwise there is no way a 2yo would just sit there and be force fed. The whole thing sounds horrid and someone really should say to her that it is not acceptable rather than placating her.

@KurtWilde

Abuse. I'm not sure you could report it to SS but I certainly wouldn't want to be around anyone like that.

Yes you could, as you have no idea that this might not just be the tip of the iceberg. Leave it to SS to decide. There might be far more abuse going on that she’s not telling you. She must be very angry in general to do that and it must terrify the poor child. Really very sad. Please report to SS

I witnessed my mother force-feeding my little brother in his high chair. Once he vomited, probably because she was shoving the spoon into his mouth so forcefully. She screamed at him and started trying to spoon it back in.
I've never forgotten it. So this woman's "confession " may be the tip of the iceberg.
When my mother observed me giving up on feeding my baby some mashed banana because he turned his head and didn't want it, she snapped "just hold his nose till he has to open his mouth. That's what I had to do with you. You were a bugger for thinking you could get away with not eating what I'd made"
My mother was extremely abusive in other ways too. Obviously this woman may be a paragon in all other aspects of parenting. But in our case, the force feeding was part of a wide spectrum of abusive, controlling, violent "parenting ". So I wouldn't ignore this information myself.

She could choke the poor child I'm afraid I'd report her for this.

Can you talk to her health visitor to get some support and advice for mum.

@JellybeanMama

Maybe she’s calling out for help by being so open about what is happening. She’s obviously having a very hard time with her fussy toddler, that she is resorting to force feeding him.

I don’t think reporting her would help at all but maybe reach out to her privately.

I also have a fussy toddler who has been like that since 1 years old and at times it is so frustrating, especially when they’re not gaining weight (obviously force feeding is extreme) but you don’t know what she is going through and I think reach out to her, rather than reporting her first

Reporting her will get the family support from professionals, much better than any alternative. Social services aren’t likely to swoop in and remove the child. Not unless they uncover a major problem. They educate primarily. An acquaintance isn’t in a position to remedy this.

Definitely abusive, poor child.

And she says it didn’t do her any harm, clearly it did as she thinks that is okay.

When the child grows up with issues around food she’ll be the first to complain.
I’d be calling social services to make them aware.
Never do nothing. Sounds like she needs help

@Tilltheend99

If they were of an older age and were asked to finish their dinner or no dessert type deal then each to their own but a two year old doesn’t understand reasoning yet.

Shoving food in their mouth is abuse and also dangerous as they could choke.

I would be extremely worried what else she is doing as the inability to empathise, or make allowances for age, and the need to punish are the kind of red flags you read about in articles about child abuse trials.

If I were you I would screenshot and report.

I don’t think doing this to an older child is ‘each to their own’ and not abuse either To be honest. I have never, ever understood the obsession with having a clear plate to be ‘allowed’ a dessert. I certainly wouldn’t be force feeding ANY child.

OP please follow previous advice to report this.

She shouldn't need to be, but she needs educating that this is not ok.
If she can't grasp that this is vile abuse, then social services need calling IMO.

Vile woman report her and ask for a follow up call informing you of their action.

Child abuse. I would tell her so and if she seriously insists she that this is ok or normal I would report it.
Imagine someone force fed you - horrific.

This is truly horrendous and abuse. My dd was incredibly fussy and still is to a lesser extent. I could never imagine subjecting her to such an ordeal. I agree the woman needs reporting.

We were actually advised to force feed our 1 year old by our health visitors. Has she maybe been given some dodgy advice? It is, of course, an awful thing to do, that will often have the adverse effect on children and lead to a life time of issues with food.

Could you recommend some insta pages like kids eat in colour, thats all about the division of responsibility? There are some good links on toddler portions, often as adults we expect them to eat waaaaay more than they should.

I don’t know if social services are the right people to call here, maybe they are? Would calling them health visitors be an option? What she really needs is a nice chat with a paediatric dietitian who can lay out for her feeding expectations and good practices- not sure how she gets that though without paying for it or waiting a long time for a referral.