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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Questionable birthday presents

43 replies

19Bears · 11/11/2021 16:10

This goes all the way back to January, but it's come up as a topic of conversation at work today. DH bought me a George Forman grill and a blender for my birthday. I know for a fact they were on the reduced shelf at the front of Sainsbury's, so it was a quick grab and go thing. Anyway, I did say thank you to him, but wasn't exactly gushing with excitement, and he ended up not speaking to me for three weeks. At the end of this, he said I was very ungrateful, selfish, and miserable because I hadn't used them or even got them out of the box. The fact is, the kitchen is cluttered enough without adding more things that I don't even have a use for. And over the course of the year, this has been brought up over and over again - by him, not me. Do I have to pretend to use them just to keep him happy?
Sometimes I think I should just use them to keep the peace, but the concensus in the office is that the men would have long since been thrown out of the house by their wives, or at least had all privileges withheld for many months. And the women would have completely gone on strike. Am I not being unreasonable enough???!!!

OP posts:
EdinaMonsoon · 11/11/2021 16:23

YANBU to feel annoyed at such a thoughtless gift. I firmly believe that unless specifically requested, kitchen gadgets should not be given as a gift - particularly between spouses. The fact that he’s still bringing it up suggests he is either controlling (ie basically demanding that you use the gift) or knows he’s been thoughtless & is embarrassed & so intent on making himself the wronged party.

As for “going on strike” etc I think that’s OTT. You made your displeasure clear by not using them, based on the fact that you have no need for them. Have you actually had a conversation about it with him that goes beyond him being stroppy & calling you ungrateful?

ssd · 11/11/2021 16:29

Jesus. I'm sad women are still taking this shit in 2021.

Justmuddlingalong · 11/11/2021 16:34

My reaction on receiving such a random, thoughtless gift would have been "WTF?" That would have left him in no doubt that such a crap birthday present was unwanted and would remain unused.

crossstitchcat · 11/11/2021 16:35

Buy him a toaster for Christmas

19Bears · 11/11/2021 16:36

@EdinaMonsoon There's a lot more to it than this! Just trying to gauge opinion on this one thing.....

OP posts:
Tal45 · 11/11/2021 16:37

Is he always that useless with gifts. Clearly tell him what you like reasonably far in advance next time is my advice. Not speaking to someone for three weeks is emotionally abusive and not a way for anyone to handle anything. He needs to grow up.

19Bears · 11/11/2021 16:37

@EdinaMonsoon I forgot to add, yes, I think you're right - he probably knows it wasn't great, but rather than say sorry, he'll put the blame on me for not receiving it as joyfully as he was expecting.

OP posts:
Clymene · 11/11/2021 16:38

The crap gift is the least of your problems really

19Bears · 11/11/2021 16:39

@crossstitchcat I have since calmly pointed out that I get him music or film stuff for his presents as they are his interests, and that maybe he'd like an iron for Christmas. He didn't really answer that one.

OP posts:
romdowa · 11/11/2021 16:47

I'd regift them to him for Xmas 🤣 on a serious note he sounds like an asshole for giving you the silent treatment because his gifts sucked. Household items are not gifts

19Bears · 11/11/2021 16:47

@Clymene Absolutely. There's a huge backstory, but this is just one thing. Incidentally, they were in their boxes in the living room for months, down by the side of the sofa. He went away for a week in the summer, I had a good tidy-up in the house and moved them into the conservatory out of the way. Then after he got back home, and I came in from work, there they were - back in the living room......

OP posts:
SickAndTiredAgain · 11/11/2021 16:53

the concensus in the office is that the men would have long since been thrown out of the house by their wives, or at least had all privileges withheld for many months.

I’m not sure what you mean, the men in the office are saying that if they’d got their wife a bad gift, she’d “withhold privileges”?

Who withholds privileges from an adult? They’re not a child whose phone you’ve confiscated or screen time you’ve restricted.

And the women would have completely gone on strike

If you have a fair split of work in the house already, there’s no need to go on “strike” to punish someone for a bad gift.

Who are these people you work with??

But yes, it was a thoughtless gift. If he put no thought into choosing it, he can’t complain and act hurt if it isn’t used.

19Bears · 11/11/2021 16:56

@SickAndTiredAgain I mean their wives wouldn't have sex with them! It doesn't apply in my house as we haven't done that for nearly 11 years anyway.....
Same for the women going on strike - no sex.

OP posts:
Pumpkinsonparade · 11/11/2021 16:59

Well you need to get creative for his Xmas gifts.
Set of bathroom scales :so you can actually see how big a dead weight you have dragging you down..

SickAndTiredAgain · 11/11/2021 17:00

[quote 19Bears]@SickAndTiredAgain I mean their wives wouldn't have sex with them! It doesn't apply in my house as we haven't done that for nearly 11 years anyway.....
Same for the women going on strike - no sex.[/quote]
That’s even worse. I mean, obviously don’t have sex with your other half if something he has done means you don’t want to. But to consider it a strike as if sex is something you do for his benefit that is basically “work” for you is weird.

LaurieFairyCake · 11/11/2021 17:02

I would have taken them to the charity shop, told my DH that presents cannot be appliances or house stuff

And I would have bought jewellery/candles/pj's to make up for it

EdinaMonsoon · 11/11/2021 17:08

OP What positive things, if any, do you get from your relationship? No sex for 11 years, silent treatment & controlling, abusive behaviour, crap & thoughtless “gifts”… not sounding like the healthiest of situations to be in.

Mybalconyiscracking · 11/11/2021 17:10

Stick his bollocks in the blender and his knob on the grill.
Problem solved!

pigsDOfly · 11/11/2021 17:18

Well, if he thinks they're so great let him use them.

My daughter's husband bought her, among other things, a vacuum cleaner for Christmas last year, which I thought was a bit shit. Although, she seemed quite pleased with it.

Admittedly he did buy other stuff as well.

19Bears · 11/11/2021 17:22

You've made me laugh @Mybalconyiscracking Grin

OP posts:
blacksax · 11/11/2021 17:29

He didn't speak to you for three weeks? That must have been a relief for you.

Seriously though, that's really horrible of him to do that over something relatively trivial in the grand scheme of things. Has he pulled this kind of stunt before?

supremelybaffled · 11/11/2021 17:36

@SickAndTiredAgain

the concensus in the office is that the men would have long since been thrown out of the house by their wives, or at least had all privileges withheld for many months.

I’m not sure what you mean, the men in the office are saying that if they’d got their wife a bad gift, she’d “withhold privileges”?

Who withholds privileges from an adult? They’re not a child whose phone you’ve confiscated or screen time you’ve restricted.

And the women would have completely gone on strike

If you have a fair split of work in the house already, there’s no need to go on “strike” to punish someone for a bad gift.

Who are these people you work with??

But yes, it was a thoughtless gift. If he put no thought into choosing it, he can’t complain and act hurt if it isn’t used.

I don't think people are making these suggestions as ways to get your own back on your partner if you don't like the present they've given you.

It's nothing to do with the actual gift. It's the three weeks of the silent treatment from him when the OP wasn't suitably grateful for something she neither wants nor needs, and his repeated PA digs ever since. They are the real problem.

FangsForTheMemory · 11/11/2021 17:54

It's the lack of thought that would get me. He also didn't care enough not to show that he couldn't be bothered to think about your gift. I've actually stopped exchanging gifts with one very old friend because her only criterion for choosing my gifts has ever been 'is it cheap?' I've known her decades and have only had one nice gift from her.

EKGEMS · 11/11/2021 17:59

Drop both of them into his bath water while they're both plugged in-used for a great cause 🛁🔥😈

AmandaHoldensLips · 11/11/2021 18:03

Definitely buy him bathroom scales for Christmas. And a nice dress maybe.