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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Questionable birthday presents

43 replies

19Bears · 11/11/2021 16:10

This goes all the way back to January, but it's come up as a topic of conversation at work today. DH bought me a George Forman grill and a blender for my birthday. I know for a fact they were on the reduced shelf at the front of Sainsbury's, so it was a quick grab and go thing. Anyway, I did say thank you to him, but wasn't exactly gushing with excitement, and he ended up not speaking to me for three weeks. At the end of this, he said I was very ungrateful, selfish, and miserable because I hadn't used them or even got them out of the box. The fact is, the kitchen is cluttered enough without adding more things that I don't even have a use for. And over the course of the year, this has been brought up over and over again - by him, not me. Do I have to pretend to use them just to keep him happy?
Sometimes I think I should just use them to keep the peace, but the concensus in the office is that the men would have long since been thrown out of the house by their wives, or at least had all privileges withheld for many months. And the women would have completely gone on strike. Am I not being unreasonable enough???!!!

OP posts:
HoseMeDownWithHolyWater · 11/11/2021 18:08

Why are you staying in this relationship??

Sam020 · 11/11/2021 18:12

Receiving a rubbish gift wouldn't bother me. DH and me have exchanged our fair share of rubbish and thoughtless (or non existent) gifts. Not speaking to me for three weeks would bother me. That is unacceptable and a massive red flag. He sounds controlling.

19Bears · 11/11/2021 18:28

I think it's just a case of thoughtlessness rather than intentionally doing something to annoy me. And as is often the case in threads on here, I'm painting a terrible picture, and only from my side.
But, as another example of his gift giving skills, when it was coming up to my 40th he asked me to pick a present as he had 'no idea' what to get for me. So I found a bracelet that I liked, quite expensive at £80 but it was a special birthday. I could have it engraved so he said for me to decide on the words, which I did. I ordered it, paid for it, and he gave me 40 quid.
I only wore it for a few weeks. What was the point???!?!!!
I just think you should know what someone would like after 12 years of marriage, and that giving a gift is mostly to show how well you know someone and how much you care about them. Clearly not very much!

OP posts:
RobertaFirmino · 11/11/2021 18:31

This is what happens when you stay for the -money- children though isn't it...this is the life you're willingly putting up with and it isn't going to get any better. For crying out loud, just divorce him.

TruJay · 11/11/2021 18:45

If dh didn’t speak to me for 3 weeks as some sort of ‘punishment’ I’d be gifting myself a divorce! Honestly op, you don’t need this shit!

backtoschool1234 · 11/11/2021 18:55

The only way you have been unreasonable is not to immediately ask if he kept the receipt. I would rather receive nothing than something I had no interest in, and if they put no effort in then neither would I on their birthday.

Kite22 · 11/11/2021 19:28

I would have returned them if I wasn't going to use them - no point in having them in the house in their boxes, reminding you both every day that he got it wrong.
However, after 12 years of marriage, I presume you would know he isn't Mr Romantic with gifts, so why wouldn't you have a wish list ?

Thing being, this isn't really about the present. It is about his actions after he'd given you the present. Indeed, it seems it is about a lot of other things, if you stopped having sex just one year into your marriage......

19Bears · 11/11/2021 20:22

@Kite22 it's definitely about a lot of other things. I'm on all the unhappy marriage / sexless marriage threads! He's come back from three days away and has barely spoken to me or the kids, I'm guilty of contributing to that too, and I think we both know it needs to come to a head sooner rather than later.

OP posts:
PinkSyCo · 11/11/2021 22:31

I’d wrap them back up and give them to him for Christmas.

1stTimeMama · 11/11/2021 22:58

In any normal relationship, I could see how this would cause annually and may need to be addressed. In the car crash of a marriage you are describing, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest, as I'd be far more concerned about getting the obviously much needed divorce papers on their way to him. Get yourself and your children away from him, and be happy.

ImaginationStreet · 11/11/2021 23:00

I would have kicked his arse for buying me gifts like that and certainly wouldn't be 'keeping the peace'.

Honeyroar · 11/11/2021 23:14

[quote 19Bears]@Kite22 it's definitely about a lot of other things. I'm on all the unhappy marriage / sexless marriage threads! He's come back from three days away and has barely spoken to me or the kids, I'm guilty of contributing to that too, and I think we both know it needs to come to a head sooner rather than later.[/quote]
It definitely needs to come to a head. Or even better, an end. What is the point?

Crayfishforyou · 11/11/2021 23:22

Give him custody of the grill and blender in your divorce.

Strangevipers · 11/11/2021 23:29

Grill sounds fab

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 11/11/2021 23:57

2022 is the year you’re finally going to divorce this sexless, thoughtless, immature and abusive loser. Right?

Sciurus83 · 12/11/2021 06:46

Your life is worth more than this miserable existence

19Bears · 12/11/2021 09:46

Yes @PorpoiseWithPurpose I am aiming for April 2022 when the no fault divorce comes in. Straightforward, no dragging up blame, all done quickly. I need to for my own sanity. Thank you everyone xx

OP posts:
PorpoiseWithPurpose · 12/11/2021 11:26

@19Bears

Yes *@PorpoiseWithPurpose* I am aiming for April 2022 when the no fault divorce comes in. Straightforward, no dragging up blame, all done quickly. I need to for my own sanity. Thank you everyone xx
Excellent news. Grin
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