Cant go anywhere or do anything with DP

[PermanentLockdown]

I'm in france and DP refuses the vaccine. You don't need to tell me how dumb/socially selfish that is. I was front of the queue for my vaccines and I get it.

We have always had a live and let live approach to each others views. We have very contrasting views at times but it doesnt create friction, we enjoy debating our views. Until now.

I dont have an issue with him not getting vaccinated in and of itself. What I have an issue with is some of you may know that we have had a sanitary pass in force here for fucking ages now. Unless you have been vaccinated you cant do anything fun. You cant go to a bar, a restaurant, a cafe, a cinema. You cant even take a train. The pass was supposed to be made non compulsory in November but they have now extended this to July.

Bear in mind that our lockdowns here in France were much more intense than in the UK, and I am just feeling exhausted in my relationship. We get along great but i am so fucking bored of only hanging out at home with him. Of course I go out and live my life with friends.

But our relationship feels so incredibly boring and flat now as it has been like this for almost 2 years because of covid. The main issue is now I'm going off sex with him and although he has said nothing I can tell it really hurts him 😔 But how am I supposed to muster up sexy feelings when its just me and him in our living room, rinse and repeat.

I dont know what I'm asking from you here. Maybe just a) How would thos situation make you feel, b) Am I normal for finding it difficult to have sex (I do fancy him but I just cant feel sexual) and c) What can I do about this?

We are 35 and 40 in case that's relevant. I'm off to the supermarket now - the only fucking activity open to us (although it's a bank holiday so maybe even that will fall through)

Is he not bothered about not being able to do things together?

This might not be terribly helpful for you but quite honestly, I'd struggle to be in a relationship in this situation. 1. he's making stupid, inconsiderate health decisions that could affect him and other people badly. 2. He's forcing me into an extremely boring life, lived entirely on his terms.

But then, I concede that I struggle to have any kind of relationship with anyone who is anti vaccine so I m might be a bit more hardcore than your average person.

I told him all of this two days ago by the way and he looked sheepish and said "yes I know that this is because of my choice". I said "well you just have to realise that what's happening is your choice is yours but your choice is impacting on my life too".

Then we just kind of left it at that.

@DysmalRadius

It bothers him but not "injecting his body with an unproven substance" outweighs that.

[quote PermanentLockdown]@DysmalRadius

It bothers him but not "injecting his body with an unproven substance" outweighs that.[/quote]
Aaah, the "injecting my body with an unproven substance" argument. The point is that this is intrinsically changing how you feel about him and your relationship. Sure, he has the right not to get the vaccine. But you have the right to say that when your life partner makes a choice that directly and negatively impacts you, you are unhappy and may have to make some new and different choices for yourself.

Do you think he has genuinely researched the vaccine and reached a conclusion based on logic and facts, or is this martydom (of himself and you) based on Facebook posts and scaremongering?

Either way, it sounds like the relationship isn't working for you in its current incarnation - has he proposed any solutions, or is it for you to work around on your own?

Get rid. Or do things alone and don't hold back on telling him how fantastic it all is and how many new friends you are making etc.

But dump him. He's an arse.

Dump him and find a partner who isn’t an idiot

LTB

OP, have you pointed out that the vaccine is not an untested unknown substance - it has been administered to literally millions of people, including children, worldwide? And that the Covid virus is a far more dangerous substance that may well get “into his body” and possibly cause Long Covid disability for life or even kill him?
If he persists in his illogical and unscientific views, you may reach the point of having to deliver an ultimatum. Either he gets vaccinated, or you find a new partner who IS prepared to be sensible, and is available to go out with you.
For what it’s worth, I think he has painted himself into a corner here, and would probably welcome a face saving way out of his foolish stance. If you asked him to get the vaccine for your sake, or to save your relationship, that might give him the excuse to get jabbed that he needs.

I dont think hes the one for you.

I do believe in pro-choice, if he doesnt want the vaccine it's up to him. It doesnt make him an idiot. Equally, its up to you if you can't put up with that.

Relationships are about far more than going to bars clubs parties etc. There are 'boring' times. But if you like each other's company you get by. It sounds as if you find him boring without all the outings to go to. So, get rid and find someone more compatible seems best.

I think I'd also be questioning the relationship, sorry. Not particularly just because of the vaccine as the pass may be a temporary thing. But logic and science are important to me and I although I have some acquaintances who don't feel the same, I do find it difficult to be very close to people who have views that are not based on some kind of logical argument or science. Those 'discussions' where their whole argument is based on 'but I know someone who knows someone who' or 'it's all a conspiracy' or 'I saw something on youtube / Facebook' etc just to me shows a lack of intelligence that winds me up too much to accept their viewpoint is different.

Its sad, my husbands family live abroad and his dad is the same, I'm sad for my children that his wish to not get a vaccine is greater than his wish to see his grandkids and have a relationship with them...because it will affect their relationship, they havent seen each other in over 2 years now. And your partners decision will affect your relationship, it cant not affect it when he is effectively choosing never to do anything fun with you

a) the situation would make me feel incredibly frustrated and disappointed that DH can't take a more pragmatic approach to this. And it's not a bloody "unproven substance" so that would wind me up even more
b) this is worrying because it sounds like you're verging on feeling contempt for him, which is incredibly difficult to come back from in a relationship
c) in your shoes I would keep going out with friends, probably ramp it up further. Also I would try not to discuss the vaccine situation with him at all, because every time you do, it's another nail in your sexual coffin (so to speak). I assume he's not an actual idiot, he knows the deal, he'll either have to wait it out (boringly, perhaps also for a long time) or have the vaccine. But you may need to accept that your feelings for him change irrevocably; it could be a dealbreaker

I'd break up with him for being stupid to be honest
Unproven? It's been administered to millions possibly billions by now over the past 11 months. Bloody idiot. If he wants to make his life small and boring for the foreseeable that's up to him but I wouldn't be coming along for the ride.

Are you still goi g put with friends? I don't think you need to stay stuck at home with him.

Missing the point I know, but I wish we had that system here.

wonder if he'll be as fussy about the drugs he is treated with when he gets covid?

Don't like it, leave.

I assume no children between you

Find someone else and live your life

He may suddenly have second thoughts when he realises the situation and the vaccine is suddenly taken and you can go out together etc

At least your husband is true to himself. He may not see himself at high risk and it is up to him. The point is that you are not happy. I know a couple who is divorcing over this in other country in Europe. There was more background about the relationship that came up in couples therapy.

Tbh, I would have left France before putting up with that shit from the government. I really hope that idiot is kick out in the next elections.

I am double vaccinated but I am not a dick to lecture others about it.

I wouldn't be spending time sitting in at night. I'd go to the cinema and theatre on my own, then go home and tell him all about it.

I'd take day trips by train every weekend and show him the photos. Book a luxury weekend away somewhere Christmas shopping. After all, you only need to pay for one. Make him realise what he's missing.

If that doesn't work, reconsider your relationship in the new year

It's the same here in Ireland, can't go in anywhere without a covid cert. You would want to hear people arguing at doors of restaurants, cafes, bars etc because they can't go in, anyway my sil's, partner didn't want the vaccine, he believes that they are tracking him, metal can stick to your body etc and he literally went from a very sociable guy to a hermit.

He can't go anywhere except the supermarket and chemist, not exactly fun. Sil was so fed up that she booked everything with friends and family, weekends here in Ireland without him, she came back from Spain last week having got a fantastic cheap deal. Is travelling for Christmas markets to 2 different countries. She's living like she did previously while he sulks at home.

Their relationship has suffered because he expects her to stay home with him and he can't even sit in a Mc, Donald's.

While people say not getting the vaccine didn't affect their thinking and ways and relationships, unfortunately it does. You're bored looking at him day in day out. There's no fun to look forward to, we all need something to look forward to, need to socialise etc personally I wouldn't like to live like that.

Does he know what is in his Tetanus shot? Measles/Mumps/Rubella?
Whooping cough?
Polio?

Can he state the exact success rates and chemical make up of all the above or could he at the time if having them? No?

Why is this any different then? He trusted the experts then so why not now?

Heck, does he even know exactly how caffeine helps you feel more awake? It has effects on the heart. But I bet he still has his morning coffee and doesn't think twice.

I would be absolutely infuriated if my husband wouldn’t get vaccinated and said that to me.

I'd start socialising with friends, taking up hobbies, if he chooses not to get immunised then he's going to get left behind. There's no way I'd be sitting around, inside with him. Time to start getting out and about, and if that's with friends or via a hobby and not with your dh, then so be it

What does he mean by unproven substance? Billions of people round the world have been vaccinated now. The UK and France started vaccinating last December. Some have had 3 doses. Does he think there’s some delayed side effect that will start striking us down at some point, and if so why?

Too right @nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut