AIBU for getting annoyed over weight comments?

[buntybanana]

About twice a year I go away on a weekend staycation with two of my friends from uni for a catch up (living in different parts of the country, busy lives etc). We're all getting the point now where we're in stable relationships/marriages and ready to think about kids (all late 20s).

Both my friends have always been overweight (this is relevant) and their lifestyles don't involve exercise or healthy eating really. Now this is no judgement on my behalf - I think they're gorgeous and living their best life. However, I'm slim - partially genetics, partially long distance running / no alcohol / healthy eating. I care a lot about my health and love exercise & an outdoorsy lifestyle.

When we discussed trying to get pregnant soon, both my friends said that they hoped during pregnancy I would finally get fat because I had 'escaped it for so long'. Now I know this was kind of a joke, but I'm actually quite annoyed about it. I feel that I haven't escaped being fat, I've worked hard to be fit!! I'm probably overreacting but I keep thinking about this comment and getting annoyed. AIBU?

Slim shaming is a thing, and somehow socially acceptable in a way that fat shaming isn't.

Yes it's annoying but I'd let it go, if it was a stand alone comment. I've had people tell me I'm so "lucky" to be naturally thin and I think Hang on! It's actually hard work you know, maybe I'm not naturally thin
Your friends are showing their insecurities around their own weight and perhaps envy you but we're all human aren't we?

'Kind' of a joke? 'Probably' overreacting?

Oh come on, it's pretty obvious they were ribbing you.

If you can't take mild teasing from your friends, goodness knows how you'll handle gaining weight during pregnancy.

tell them it's insulting and then move on.
Staycations are where you stay in your own house

Yanbu
I hate hearing about slim privilege 🙄 when I sacrifice a lot of pleasure to be slim
They’re jealous.

Just tell them their comment angered and upset you and I'm sure they'll stop. They probably didn't realise it would affect you so much.

I hate hearing about slim privilege 🙄 when I sacrifice a lot of pleasure to be slim

well, lots of people work hard but have other reasons why they might not achieve slimness.

But bodyshaming should stop. Full stop. Fatshaming, skinnyshaming, wrinkleshaming etc etc etc

There's no need to comment on anyone else's body at all, it's no one's business.

If it was a joke, and you're good friends, I wouldn't say anything.

It sounds like a joke but there is likely to be some truth in it.

My mother has always struggled with her weight (I've always been slim) and when I announced my first pregnancy (her first grandchild!) one of her first comments was along the lines of "haha it will be so funny to finally see you fat. You'll never go back to bring slim either haha!" She was absolutely gleeful.

I did go back to being slim and she actually seemed pissed off about it.

@girlmom21

If it was a joke, and you're good friends, I wouldn't say anything.

I agree, it's mildly irritating but people really seem to take huge offense these days about everything. It was a throw away comment, I don't think it's necessary to "call it out".

I probably should have mentioned I struggled with an eating disorder as a teenager and these kinds of comments bring up stress / negative thoughts

(Their comments not yours!) thanks for all the responses!

Not on really.

I'm guessing if you joked about them being over weight there would be an issue...

Yeah that’s really not on. They’re toxic bitches for thinking that.

Seems like jealousy to me. I would ignore for now. If anything similar is said again, I would tell them you don't like them making comments about your weight and it's nasty.

@honeylulu

It sounds like a joke but there is likely to be some truth in it.

My mother has always struggled with her weight (I've always been slim) and when I announced my first pregnancy (her first grandchild!) one of her first comments was along the lines of "haha it will be so funny to finally see you fat. You'll never go back to bring slim either haha!" She was absolutely gleeful.

I did go back to being slim and she actually seemed pissed off about it.

Gosh this is awful!! Sorry you had to deal with that - sounds toxic

@buntybanana

I probably should have mentioned I struggled with an eating disorder as a teenager and these kinds of comments bring up stress / negative thoughts

That changes things slightly. Are your friends aware? Now might be the time to share that or remind them of this comes up again in conversation

As an aside, pregnancy doesn't make you fat. You're carrying a baby and your body's preparing to feed it. There's no reason you can't continue exercising, eating well ,return to your usual weight and continue with your love of running.

Two overweight people, who clearly don't like that they are (hence to be thin is "escaping" from this) but don't exercise and eat poorly, have made a shitty comment to you.

Take it in context. They didn't say it to make you feel bad. They feel bad, and the thought of you being overweight makes them feel good. "You're like us now" so we feel justified in our choices.

Don't feel angry at them. Feel sorry for them. If they wanted to "escape" being overweight, (and assuming it's for the normal reasons as you haven't mentioned any medical conditions) then they could exercise and eat healthily. They don't.

Let this one go. But if it's brought up again, I'd be inclined to respond along the lines of "I won't be overweight, I'll be pregnant. And once I've had the baby, I'll do what I do now, exercise and eat well, to keep my weight healthy"

I've always been tiny (I'm a lazy swine, it's genetics) but the number of people when I got pregnant who declared "I can't wait to see you fat!!" Always the overweight friends saying this. Not one of of my thin friends did. It's a reflection on them, not you.

They’re jealous. They’re also pretty dim if they don’t know it’s not acceptable to talk about people’s weight and know words can hurt.

I understand what you mean OP but just from another perspective - I also work very hard at trying to be slim. I run 5k regularly, eat healthily, frequently sit with a black coffee in cafes when everyone else is having lattes and cake, choose a salad over burger and chips etc etc. None of it works, I'm still obese. I'm completely caught up in the dieting makes you fat scenario. I do well for a few weeks and then the cravings become overwhelming and my binge eating makes an appearance. So in my mind you HAVE escaped getting fat, because you and I make the same effort but you're slim and I'm fat.

I agree it's a reflection on how they feel about themselves rather than you. I'm sure they know you work hard to be fit. I've had friends moan about how having kids has 'ruined their bodies' when they do no exercises or modify their food.
It is insensitive though so you could come back with 'yes running 5 miles a day and watching my intake is really lucky'...

@Singingtherapy

I understand what you mean OP but just from another perspective - I also work very hard at trying to be slim. I run 5k regularly, eat healthily, frequently sit with a black coffee in cafes when everyone else is having lattes and cake, choose a salad over burger and chips etc etc. None of it works, I'm still obese. I'm completely caught up in the dieting makes you fat scenario. I do well for a few weeks and then the cravings become overwhelming and my binge eating makes an appearance. So in my mind you HAVE escaped getting fat, because you and I make the same effort but you're slim and I'm fat.

Does OP binge eat though? If she does, then I agree, you are both making the same effort but with different results. If not, then you are not making the same effort, and therefore you would expect to see different results surely?

I've always found people who make these comments are usually just jealous.

IMO that is not an excuse. People should not be commenting (or joking) about other people's appearances. It doesn't come from a place of love, does it.

FWIW I have always struggled with my weight and my sister is basically a model. Sometimes I do wish I could be as able as her to control my eating etc but I would never make a dog at her about it.

Dig not dog