…to think this is not right?

[Welshl00n]

Significant other often swears at me:

• dickhead
• fu**ing prick
• fu*ing cnt
• utter fu**ing moron
• tw*t
• wanker
• dick

SO says it’s just ‘bantz’, and is upset that ‘I could even think it’s not joking’, but if I say similar SO gets very very upset/angry. Like, I once said ‘you’re a bit of a prick when you’re drunk’, no drama, no shouting, and I have never heard the end of it (‘your behaviour was disgusting, all my friends agree’…’your behaviour that night [it was EIGHTEEN MONTHS AGO!!!] is very very worrying’…‘I’ve asked four people and they all say it’s very concerning’…), it always gets thrown in my face. SO once took the piss out of me re. an online meeting I was holding like this:

“…Mainly to say to myself ‘that fucking cunt just referred to themself as ‘HoD’ again’ 🙄…”

Then when I said I didn’t like it, SO said:

“… I’m not sure why you took that the way you did, I’m sorry I’ve clearly offended you…I’m concerned that you must think in some way I would want to upset you, on your birthday, and that you’d say ‘I have to spoil everything’. I’d forgotten this level of sensitivity that I’m not good at…”

Like it’s all me being over-sensitive. And it was my bloody birthday, too.

AIBU?

Test init

@Welshl00n

Test init

Huh?

What?

Why do you put up with it? Your SO sounds revolting. Isn't your SO meant to love and care for you, not use foul language towards you?

You have asked him to stop. You have made it clear your not happy. Therefore it’s not banter and it’s not acceptable.

@Welshl00n

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What dies this mean?

@Welshl00n

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???

*does

That is terrible OP and the fact that you ask if you are BU shows how much abuse you have become used to. I wouldn't speak to anyone like this, let alone your SO. Get out. Now. It will not get any better, it will however get worse. for you OP x

Fairly straightforward putting you down, making out you are a burden, or odd or hard work. Next it will be more direct gaslighting, then cutting off your friends etc. He's on a path. Don't have children with him

Checking post worked!

Was checking comments were on. First post, sorry!

Sorry, was checking post had gone live, it’s my first time!!

He’s an abusive gobshite. You can do a thousand times better. Dump him.

Why are we assuming that the So is a he? Doesn't make any difference which, but still.

It's abuse and you do not need it. You deserve better. You have a decision to make, do you want to be subjected to that forever?

You do not need to be with someone like this. To be fair the use of the term 'bantz' alone would be enough to put me off.

Your significant other is abusive and gaslighting you about it. Do you live together? Share finances? Children? How easy will it be to extricate yourself?

Ugh even worse than the emotional abuse is the creepy gaslighting afterwards. Here’s how the conversation should have gone.

You: I hate it when you swear at me. It’s disrespectful and unattractive and very upsetting. Please don’t do it again.

Him: I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.

Instead he’s telling you that he can behave however he likes, you are held to his hypocritical standards and will be criticised for years for one ‘error’ and you have no freedom to feel or speak anything negative about this situation.

Get rid of him.

A despicable and low brow person,speaking to you like this. Not likely to change either,if this is the pattern of his vocabulary style.

Surely he is now an ex op?

It’s abuse. Get rid.

He sounds awful.

(1) Uses terms you (like many people) dislike after you have told him you dislike them.
(2) Whinges when similar/same terms are used for him. (Double standard).
(3) Makes it all about him when you're trying to talk to him about your feelings/reactions. (Your reactions are inconvenient for HIM; HE'S insulted that you're offended by his slurs.)
(4) Gaslighting ("Why are you so sensitive?" "No one else thinks what I do is wrong"/"other people think what you do is wrong").
(5) Interferes with your work (if that's what the online meeting was) and/or other things that don't concern him.
(6) Won't have an honest discussion or try to compromise on 1-5.

Get rid of him/her. Waste of space!

Absolutely leave her/him ASAP. This is awful.