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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help! What would you do?

57 replies

dood09 · 10/11/2021 17:32

Hey ladies, so long story short we’ve had an issue with our boiler so currently have no central heating so have been using plug in heaters, I told my mum just how annoying it is so close to December when I need to start Christmas shopping and we need a whole new boiler, even worse we’ve found no company with available time to fix it for 4 days! she then proceeded to get angry and say she’s going to call the social and have my 1yo taken off me and given to her and that I would be able to see her at her house and my partner can’t see her, how would you react to this?

OP posts:
Original poster
dood09 · 10/11/2021 18:02

@negomi90

End contact with mum. Presumably your child is fed and clothed and you say you have electric heaters so not cold. This isn't a social services issue. The fact that your mum wants to take your kid off you is screaming red flags about her. I wouldn't be able to trust her let alone with my child after that. I'd view her as something to protect my child from and act accordingly.
Yes of course, 3 meals a day plus snacks and milk, new clothes constantly because I can't resist cute baby outfits 😂, I'm so Baffled as she's never said anything like this before
OP posts:
EinsteinaGogo · 10/11/2021 18:10

OP, why is your first reaction 'guilt', rather than:

'ehhhh? What are you on about??'

Why has your mum said this?

Original poster
dood09 · 10/11/2021 18:13

@EinsteinaGogo

OP, why is your first reaction 'guilt', rather than:

'ehhhh? What are you on about??'

Why has your mum said this?

I feel guilty about cutting her off, my reaction to her was a lot of shouting and then radio silence
OP posts:
pictish · 10/11/2021 18:13

Tell her to go ahead and call them. They’re not going to have any interest in a temporary broken boiler situation.

We never had central heating when I was growing up. There was the log fire and a solid fuel cooker in the kitchen that heated the water.

MattHancocksSexTape · 10/11/2021 18:14

I would question if I could trust my mother. Both as a confidante and as someone I would leave my child alone with.

If she has an agenda to take control of your DC through SS, what is to stop her not giving you your DC back after a visit etc.

TheAverageUser · 10/11/2021 18:16

Is your partner a plumber?

Original poster
dood09 · 10/11/2021 18:17

@pictish

Tell her to go ahead and call them. They’re not going to have any interest in a temporary broken boiler situation.

We never had central heating when I was growing up. There was the log fire and a solid fuel cooker in the kitchen that heated the water.

We do have a log fire which we use when LO in is bed, she's very opinionated about it since we don't have a guard, but it is NEVER on when lo is awake
OP posts:
Original poster
dood09 · 10/11/2021 18:18

@MattHancocksSexTape

I would question if I could trust my mother. Both as a confidante and as someone I would leave my child alone with.

If she has an agenda to take control of your DC through SS, what is to stop her not giving you your DC back after a visit etc.

I have never left my LO alone with her and don't intend on Ever now
OP posts:
Original poster
dood09 · 10/11/2021 18:18

@TheAverageUser

Is your partner a plumber?
No he works in a travel agents haha
OP posts:
Lasair · 10/11/2021 18:21

If this is an unusual reaction ( you said you love her) could it be early in sept dementia?

Original poster
dood09 · 10/11/2021 18:22

@Lasair

If this is an unusual reaction ( you said you love her) could it be early in sept dementia?
I'm not sure, is there an age that usually starts, I've not noticed any signs of it and she's only 49
OP posts:
MrsMoastyToasty · 10/11/2021 18:29

She's batshit.

Unless your partner is a qualified gas engineer he would be stupid to attempt to repair the boiler.
Its not exactly cold tonight either.
And guess what? Central heating is a modern idea.

Q123R · 10/11/2021 18:29

Where do you come in age among your sisters? Are you the youngest?

Original poster
dood09 · 10/11/2021 18:33

@MrsMoastyToasty

She's batshit.

Unless your partner is a qualified gas engineer he would be stupid to attempt to repair the boiler.
Its not exactly cold tonight either.
And guess what? Central heating is a modern idea.

My thoughts exactly
OP posts:
Original poster
dood09 · 10/11/2021 18:33

@Q123R

Where do you come in age among your sisters? Are you the youngest?
I have 2 older and one younger so I'm kinda middle
OP posts:
Terminallysleepdeprived · 10/11/2021 18:38

Your mother is a narcissistic knob @dood09

She cam call social all she wants, they will simply log her call as batshit and carry on with the actual issues they have to deal with.

The fact you can get it fixed in winter in 4 days is a bloody marvel! Dp hasn't had heating for 2 years as it packed up just before Christmas 2019, was given April 2020 as a date and then covid hit. Current date is sometime in 2030 I think!

The short answer is tell your mum she is crazy and if she attempts to call social it will be the end of all contact with both you and your LO

The long answer...you need to unpick the issue she has with your partner. But that is probably not an easy one unfortunately.

Good luck

Chloemol · 10/11/2021 18:42

I would simply say go ahead then, but you won’t see me or your grandchild again

Walk away and not contact her

Treecreature · 10/11/2021 18:43

Your house is warmer than ours and our boiler isnt broken!! Grin

Q123R · 10/11/2021 18:52

I was just wondering if you were the youngest and she was assuming you'd stay single look after your parents in their old age. (Sounds odd, but I'm sure that's what was expected of me.)

Is there any legitimacy to her feelings towards DP?

Let her ring SS, she won't get very far. Then lessen contact.

pictish · 10/11/2021 19:02

When we were kids we used to have towel heating on the plug-in towel rail for when we got out of the bath in the freezing bathroom…then we would dash through to sit in front of the log fire to keep warm while we dried off. Mum would switch our electric blankets on while we had hot milk and buttered toast. We did get the odd spark burn and my mum would tell us off for sitting too close to it. We soon learned not to.

That’s a happy memory for me, the fire crackling away. No central heating in the bedrooms. Ice on the inside of the single glazed window in the morning. Being told to put a bloody jumper on.

Anyway…your mum has picked the wrong battle here. Silly woman.

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 10/11/2021 19:15

For context. My boiler has been dodgy as hell for months. I told my mum and she was sympathetic and said oh what a pain etc. Did not threaten to call ss. What a ridiculous thing to say.

usernamenumber636274 · 10/11/2021 19:28

She's going to call the social because your boiler isn't working? Oh my gawd. Is she mad.

Your child will be fine. You have electric heaters, plenty of clothing, blankets etc.

PIus it's not even that cold down here in Cornwall, not sure where you are. Pretty mild actually and barely had our heating on yet.

During the cold snap we had earlier in the year our heating went wrong - thankfully hot water was still good but problem with our heating system. We got by with electric heaters, jumpers, blankets, hot water bottles etc.

We couldn't get anyone out to fix it straight away plus it was hard knowing it would cost us hundreds to fix. We still had hot water as it wasn't urgent as such - just cold.

You'll be fine. Your mum is mad.

cloudyrain · 10/11/2021 19:30

I haven't had the heating on today, my house is still 20c
To be fair I do live in the south east and I don't have a small child but even if I turned it on, the radiators wouldn't get warm as we only heat to 20c

Anyway that is not the point, don't know how close (in distance) you are to your mum, but a usual reply from a normal person would be 'oh dear that's not ideal, if you want to come around whilst waiting for it to be fixed you are more than welcome'
In this situation even now my DC are grown up my DM would offer for us to visit/stay if needed.

I can't think of any person I know who would see this as a reason to call social services.

GrandOld · 10/11/2021 19:39

One of two things going in here.

  1. Your partner is an arsehole, which your mum can see but you can't? (Do your siblings and friends like your boyfriend?).
  1. You mum is batshit/can't cope with you growing up and moving on with your life (or both).

The latter - then tell her to go right ahead in calling them.

Notimefor · 10/11/2021 20:03

Honestly- tell her to do one, this will just get worse, she is is the one who needs intervention.

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