Husband hit me because what I said about his mum

[Amiinthewrong23]

I have really be struggling mentally at the moment,I have severe depression and anxiety and I have 2 young kids. I have been trying to get my husband to listen to me for days,my husband is a born Pakistani and he just doesn’t understand mental health at all. I was crying to him for over 1hour this morning and I thought I’d finally got through to him, he said he would change his habits etc and spend more time with me and the kids. He said this afternoon he would come home to spend time with us,he came home after I picked the kids up from school and he just got into bed and started watching cricket. Because of how his mum taught him,his mum always fed them chapati and curry when they got home from school.. I don’t,because if I feed my kids that when they get home from school they won’t eat their dinner, they always ask for something like a cheese sandwich which I give them as soon as they get home along with a piece of fruit, I have tried giving them chapati and curry before when we have got home from school but they don’t want to wait for me to cook the chapatis,as my daughter has a Quran class which literally starts a few minutes after we get home so it’s physically not possible because the teacher can only teach her at that time, as well as the sand which they also stay in their uniform until after my daughter has finished her class ( as I physically just don’t have enough time to get them both changed in between picking them up from school, getting them home and my daughters class) my husband knows all this, yet when his mum who lives in Pakistan video called at this time, she asked my husband and my son why he was eating a sandwich,she told my husband that I should be feeding them chapati and curry not sandwiches, that I should give them proper food as soon as I get them home. She also then went on to ask my son why he was still in his uniform, why mummy hasn’t changed him yet. My husband just sat there and let her say all this, when he knows my situation. After he ended the video call with her I got upset because he went back to work, and he’d just spent all that time he promised to sit down and talk to me and spend time with us watching cricket and talking to his mum. I asked him why he did this and he shouted at me and told me that I am “ making the environment in this house horrible and to sort myself out, give me time give me time, what give me time? Look after your kids, feed them, get them changed” I said “ so now once again you’ve heard your mum say all this you are telling me I should look after my kids, when you know why they eat what they do and why they aren’t changed yet” I then went on to tell him, as he has applied for his mums visit visa “ i know as soon as your mum gets here that this is my life, being told I am a bad mum, so this, do this, constantly without being able to say anything to her” and he went on to hit me repeatedly. He then went out the door and went back to work.

I don’t understand what I’ve done so wrong, I do everything for this man, everything for my kids. I am struggling mentality waiting for my prescription of antidepressants and he let his mum sit their and say what she did and said nothing to her and didn’t put her in her place, let her walk on me when I am already down and then even worse he went against me and told me I should be looking after my kids.

I am sorry for the long post, but aibu ? Did I say the wrong thing about his mum? This is constant, with anything I do if she says something,that’s how it is and I’m not allowed to say anything.

That’s awful @Thehouseofmarvels
Really sad to hear.
However I suspect that OP might find herself in similar circumstances.

I pray that we are wrong.

Now is the time to ring police OP- do you have marks or bruises? Also, if your MIL comes to stay, there is no guarantee she won't also physically abuse you, as well as emotionally. Please don't disappear from the thread, because you don't like the advice.

He hit you and he will do it again.

This is abusive and you and your children are not safe in an environment like this.

Are you hurt? Do you need treatment?
Have you someone you can trust and somewhere you can go?

Take all important documents & items, e.g. medications, passports, insurance etc.

There are organisations who can help you. They have been posted above. If you need any support here or further guidance, keep posting, posters will help you.

I'm sorry this had happen, there is NO justification for it. I don't care what happened or what was said. Nothing warrants this and you deserve so much better. Your children do too.

Dear OP, you are not on your own because we are here to support you... I hope that this website might be helpful to you:

www.britishpakistanfoundation.com/resources/resources-for-women/

You do not have to put up with this, there is a better life for you and your children.

Get out get out

My packastani ex did the exact same

He got worse a NC d tried to kill us all

Please call womans Sid in the morning
Have him removed from the home then go no contact

Things will get so much worse when his mother arrives.

You really must leave. For your physical and mental health.

@DroopyClematis, horrible for kids when their mother chooses a violent man over them. I think my partner's mother and my friend's mother can't stomach being without a man. My partner's mother has not only insisted that her and his Dad should stay married despite living separtely, she has had a string of partners. When she is not living with a partner she does everything for his brother and hands him money so he does not need to work.... so he never leaves home. I think the idea of being totally single and not living with a bloke is something she cannot cope with.

[quote Thehouseofmarvels]@DroopyClematis, horrible for kids when their mother chooses a violent man over them. I think my partner's mother and my friend's mother can't stomach being without a man. My partner's mother has not only insisted that her and his Dad should stay married despite living separtely, she has had a string of partners. When she is not living with a partner she does everything for his brother and hands him money so he does not need to work.... so he never leaves home. I think the idea of being totally single and not living with a bloke is something she cannot cope with. [/quote]
Utterly heartbreaking.

He is abusive. I hope you can find the strength to phone the police and report him.

so sorry for your situation op. As others have said it will get worse not better. He has hit you and will do it again.
If you haven't already ring the police and refuge / womans aid.
Stay safe and good wishes x

If you are worried about telling anyone what has happened, I would urge you to speak to someone at the children's school. They should be able to help you. Our school has an inclusion manager and I know she has helped with DV situations in the past. They can be the liaison with SS and it can help you raise the alarm without raising suspicion.
Please seek support and leave. You are right, once his mother gets here, they'll make your life a misery.

Get away from him

Please op.

I’m so sorry.
Getting your hands on antidepressants is the least of your worries, I’m afraid.

It’s such a huge challenge when someone born over here gets a husband from a hole where he’s brought up to be an a star misogynistic. It’ll be worse your mil visits.

@DroopyClematis My partner's grandfather came back from the WW2 with what we would today call PTSD. He became an alcoholic to cope and partners grandmother mother beat him and the children.Partner,'s mother then repeated her childhood. I think she fall apart mentally if she found herself with no man of any description. Partners Dad was a gambling addict, not alcoholic due to no drinking in Islam. Everyone partners sister has ever dated has been an alcoholic and my partners ex was a violent alcoholic. He has cut them all out as we do not want our future children around addicts. Neither of us have ever met his sisters kid but I hope she ends up not repeating the cycle of kids seeing their parents hit. Her ex husband was reportedly abusive, but he left her thankfully. I think she would have stayed if he had not left, just like partner's mother only lives appart from his Dad because he left, and would have stayed with him. Op's kids could end up in one of these situations where each generation in a family witnesses violence. This is what you get when each generation decides that having a partner is more important than their children's wellbeing.

@HikingforScenery

I’m so sorry. Getting your hands on antidepressants is the least of your worries, I’m afraid.

It’s such a huge challenge when someone born over here gets a husband from a hole where he’s brought up to be an a star misogynistic. It’ll be worse your mil visits.

That was meant to say place, not hole. I’m not that rude, I promise.

He hit you because he’s an arsehole, you haven’t done anything wrong.
Get the dc passports and birth certificates and go somewhere/anywhere.

I guarantee that your mental health will improve.

Call the police.

Tell your family and friends he hits you.

Get yourself a lawyer and get a divorce.

And write to immigration to let them know there’s no where for his mother to stay if she comes over as you are in the process of divorcing your husband.

Will you have any RL support if you get divorced?

I remember your previous posts. He seems to resort to thumping you when you dare to speak up about the shitty way he treats you. He isn't going to turn into a nice, kind gentle guy. He isn't going to listen when you speak. He isn't going to put you first. He isn't going to stop clouting you because he thinks he is superior to you. He couldn't give a shit if the kids see him do it.
I really hope that one day you will take any help on offer and try and free yourself from this man. You are young with your whole life ahead of you. Why would you want to spend your young years depressed, ignored and abused?

Op I hope you will read what I have said about how my partner's mother repeated her domestic abuse filled child hood, and how partner's sister married an abusive alcoholic after seeing domestic violence every day growing up. That is at least 3 generations now. It is certainly a concern that his niece could do the same thing to make it four generations. If you allow your children to witness domestic violence your children may well choose violent partners, and then your grandchildren might also witness domestic abuse.

Call the police. You are in danger and your children too. He is an abuser in a physical and emotional way. He hit you once he will do it again and also he can hit your children.
It can be frightening all this situation but it's better safe kids and alive mum than the opposite.
Remember there are NO EXCUSES regarding his behaviour.

Run run run.

He hit you. He will hit your children.

[quote Thehouseofmarvels]@DroopyClematis My partner's grandfather came back from the WW2 with what we would today call PTSD. He became an alcoholic to cope and partners grandmother mother beat him and the children.Partner,'s mother then repeated her childhood. I think she fall apart mentally if she found herself with no man of any description. Partners Dad was a gambling addict, not alcoholic due to no drinking in Islam. Everyone partners sister has ever dated has been an alcoholic and my partners ex was a violent alcoholic. He has cut them all out as we do not want our future children around addicts. Neither of us have ever met his sisters kid but I hope she ends up not repeating the cycle of kids seeing their parents hit. Her ex husband was reportedly abusive, but he left her thankfully. I think she would have stayed if he had not left, just like partner's mother only lives appart from his Dad because he left, and would have stayed with him. Op's kids could end up in one of these situations where each generation in a family witnesses violence. This is what you get when each generation decides that having a partner is more important than their children's wellbeing. [/quote]
Sadly, I know that story very well.
My own father, after being imprisoned in WW2 became alcoholic with non diagnosed PTSD as it wasn’t a thing then, violence and coercive control towards women was normal.
Alas OP , I suspect, might be under coercion which might lead to similar behaviours from her partner.

It’s brutal .

Please leave him, I understand culture wise you are scared because I am Pakistani too and I completely understand. But please, foe the sake of your children leave. Me and my siblings grew up in this environment and we are traumatised. Don't let your children go through that. You deserve a peaceful life and so do your children. You take care of everything without him. It will be hard at first but you will be fine on your own. You deserve so much more and I hope you know that. Please message me if you need any help

@DroopyClematis aged 7 my partner's father taught him to make a noose and told him today was tge day he was going to be responsible for killing his father as his father said he wanted to commit suicide but he prefered partner to kill him. I suppose to make him live with guild. Partner had to do what he was told as his father was capable of killing him. His farther forced him to tie the noose to a tree and they got to the point where psrner would have needed to kick the bucket away when his father revealed it was all a huge joke. One time he decided to murder partner's sister and was not going to stop the strangling like he normally did. Other teenage sister beat him over the head with a hokey stick until he let go. Their mother would either do nothing or join in. One christmas day my partner witnessed them fighting over an iron bar trying to beat each other with it. I can't imagine partner's mother divorcing him or leaving him voluntarily even if he had murdered one of their children. I think for her having litterally any male atttention is the only thing that matters in her life.

Oh @Thehouseofmarvels
I think we need to talk. Too many coincidences.