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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a 3rd baby or not?

45 replies

Zedni1 · 09/11/2021 18:12

Just that really.

I have 2 children a girl (6) and a boy (4) both in full time school now, I’ve been thinking about the possibility of a 3rd baby, I’ve never wanted a huge age gap between all my children and would love to have another one before they both get bigger. But I keep going back and forward on the idea,Dh thinks life has just got easier and why would I want another 😂

OP posts:
Munchkinpumpkin · 09/11/2021 18:28

I had the third.. sometimes i dream of how simple life would be with just 2 now.. it seems so much simpler.. life is now noisy and chaotic and busy and messy but really, hand on heart, i wouldnt change it.. 3 makes a house really full! But it is bloody hard work!

qualitygirl · 09/11/2021 18:30

I'm with your dh...life just got easier. There's no way I would bring myself back to square one with nappies and prams and baby schedules. Enjoy the 2 you have is what I say.

Heruka · 09/11/2021 18:31

I am in the same position with slightly younger two, nearly 6 and 3, and think we have concluded to go for it after going round the houses thinking about it for ages. There are a gazillion threads on MN about this if you google and I have found reading them really helpful, reading the good and the bad.

Proudboomer · 09/11/2021 18:34

No your husband is right.
Not only going back to sleepless nights, nappies, crying babies but can you afford it not just now but for as they get older and then the double wammie of uni top ups?

ThirdElephant · 09/11/2021 18:37

Nope. Consider the environmental impact of that third, if nothing else. You'll also lose out on enjoying the best bit (in my opinion) of your older children's childhoods because you're going through all the baby/toddler bit again.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/11/2021 18:39

I’m with your DH- you already have kids that will prob want to do diff things when older as diff sexes, why add a third logistical issue with an age gap

JudgementalCactus · 09/11/2021 18:39

Can you honestly say what a third would bring you that your existing two don't already provide? You have had the mum experience twice, you have one of each gender. What would a third add other than stress and financial pressure? Is it just a hormonal thing? Just because you feel broody now doesn't mean you'll be happy with your decision if you go through with it. Plus, how do you plan on getting your husband on board? It takes two.

TheGoogleMum · 09/11/2021 18:42

I hear it gets a lot harder when the kids outnumber the adults

Chelyanne · 09/11/2021 18:57

The one who doesn't want usually trumps the other unfortunately for you.

We have a big brood, it's as "hard" as you allow it to be.

Helenahandbasketbing · 09/11/2021 19:11

Good god, no. I wouldn’t.

Tefiti3 · 09/11/2021 19:14

Similar situation here. We figured we could literally go round in circles forever (although both in agreement) debating. Ultimately we thought - would we regret in years to come not having a third? Our answer was yes, we probably would.

lovebeingmum9 · 09/11/2021 19:27

It comes down to individual choice.....hubby and I kept going backwards and forwards until someone told us "you won't regret having another child,but you might regret it if you dont" just because you have what others see as "perfect" one of each.... it doesn't mean its your kind of perfect. We are due our 5th in 5 weeks time and that is "our perfect" yes its hard work.....but easy obviously wasn't for us,we love our family,the fun,love and laughter each of our children has brought a new dynamic,character and personality and hubby and I feel truly blessed to have them 😊 Good luck in whatever you both decide!

Luredbyapomegranate · 09/11/2021 19:32

I think you are just having a natural period of mourning for babyhood being over. Life will get a lot easier so embrace that.

Also, it is really really flipping bad for the planet..

GlomOfNit · 09/11/2021 19:37

No way. We are in deep shit environmentally. It used to be said that 'replacing' ourselves on the planet was enough (eg two people have two kids) but I think we have to backtrack from that really, the way the West consumes everything rampantly. Sad

But high-minded concerns aside, don't do it! All the most tired women of my acquaintance are the ones who said cheerfully, 'three is the new two!' or claimed their lives and families were not complete without that third child. Hmm Bigger car, puts you into a more expensive bracket when looking for houses (or holiday rentals), more hassle. When they all start doing after school clubs etc it'll be a nightmare. And it might not be just the one more - I know someone who said she really, really wanted a third baby, and she ended up having unexpected twins. She is exhausted and I'm pretty sure, depressed. Her life is run for four children under the age of about 5 and I don't know how she copes.

athejhfhfn · 09/11/2021 19:47

I had the 3rd and it’s fantastic. My boy (5) and girl (3) adores him (6mths) as he’s so fantastic. It’s better than what I thought and imagined. It’s bloody fantastic. Will have a 4th too as it’s so fantastic. Oh did I tell you how fantastic it is and you should go for it?!

BrunoMars · 09/11/2021 19:51

I have 3, given the choice again I wouldn’t. Any combination of 2 together is fine - add the 3rd it’s horrible chaos

blackcoffeenosleep · 09/11/2021 19:52

I had a third. Wouldnt be without my daughter now but my god it is hard. They are 8, 4 and 6m for reference.

KeepingTheWormsQuiet · 09/11/2021 19:53

I have three children and I'm glad I did. The first year with number 3 was difficult though. They're all teenagers now.
However, it really depends on your circumstances. We have a 5 bed house, fine for money and I'm a SAHM, kids in state schools. I wouldn''t have done if it would have made us financially worse off or overcrowded.

ParmigianoReggiano · 09/11/2021 19:53

Don't do it if your DH isn't on board OP. Three is much harder than two!

KeepingTheWormsQuiet · 09/11/2021 19:56

I also have to say that people who say that "the third just slots into the family and is no trouble" are talking rubbish. Third babies don't know that they're a third baby and are just as demanding as other babies.

Slowdownandsee · 09/11/2021 20:01

3+ is fine when they are all under 7 then it just gets increasingly logistically harder, my older ones can stay up late and are getting really interesting and fun to be around plus they have busy social lives and after sch clubs/weekend sports fixtures etc and the youngest just isn’t quite there yet, it’s not obvious until your 4/6year olds are 10/12 then 13/15 and so easy! But the under ten bringing up the rear is sort of holding you back abit….. that’s how I feel sometimes, we could be more spontaneous without the third eg pop out late night shopping and catch a movie if we fancy it but have to make sure youngest is home abit earlier or with his gran and grandad etc, we do find things to do that we all like now youngest is 8+ eg trampolining or beach and meal out etc but was harder when younger than that…I’m so glad I’m now pretty much out of having to take a kid to bed and cook early teas , they are a fabulous gorgeous bunch though and I’d be lost without them and the older two clearly loves having a younger one and do their homework for them etc etc but .honestly, it’s been hard hard work! clearly I wouldn’t change my decision for the world and we are getting there but i can now see it’s taken a lot more out of my free time and more of mine and dh effort to make sure we do the fun big kid stuff and the younger kid stuff, it all just takes more, more time, lot more money, more space etc etc, we needed a bigger car for about four years but now I’ve got a small electric one as none need car seats and often older one on train /bus etc, we have had to keep one car that seats all of us though. So you won’t regret it but it’s worth considering if you will have the energy and patience about 8 years from now, it’s prob easier when they all younger and go to bed when you say and no hormones flying about! I have managed i hope to have good relationships with my teens but that has been more tiring when also still dealing with bed/story time etc for a younger one and a third lot of school/friend life admin, mental load and all that …….

RoseGoldEagle · 09/11/2021 20:05

My three are 5, 2 and 1. I have found it incredibly hard, but our third is just the perfect addition to our family and I can’t imagine not having her. No regrets here at all despite how knackering it is.

milissa · 09/11/2021 20:11

With the age of the two you've got I wouldn't, not unless you were going to have another two close together. I'm all for 4/5 year gaps, but I think when you've got the older two closer together then one a good few years later they might feel left behind.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 09/11/2021 20:22

Currently expecting my third and very hormonal and this thread has made me feel like shit. I found 2 very easy though (easier than 1, bizarrely) so I’m hoping for the best re 3….

sarah13xx · 09/11/2021 20:24

Ohhh it’s a hard one. I only have one, a 3 month old, and I expected to find it absolutely horrendous and hate every second of the tiny baby stage but I have absolutely loved it. He’s amazing and sleeps 12 hours a night. I was always sure I wanted two but thought if the first was so awful I’d maybe change my mind and only have one. I feel like I’ve changed my mind and I might want three now 😂 It’s lovely you have a boy and a girl already (hate when people say stuff like that in real life because it’s a baby you get/just glad they’re healthy/ you’ll love them regardless of their gender but it is kind of true because you’ve been lucky enough to be able to experience both). That would be my dream but I’ve grown up with a sister and I feel we wouldn’t be as close as we are if she was a brother instead (I have no way of knowing that really though 🙄) but I think if I end up with a boy and a girl I would be tempted to go for a third so I have two of the same sex. Similarly though if I have two boys I think I’ll still go for a third 😂