To have a 3rd baby or not?

[Zedni1]

Just that really.

I have 2 children a girl (6) and a boy (4) both in full time school now, I’ve been thinking about the possibility of a 3rd baby, I’ve never wanted a huge age gap between all my children and would love to have another one before they both get bigger. But I keep going back and forward on the idea,Dh thinks life has just got easier and why would I want another 😂

Jeeez just read the other comments on here.. my god what a barrel of laughs this lot are 😂🤦🏼‍♀️ Obviously you want to know the pros and cons but people seem to be very very against it 🤔 I really don’t think you should sacrifice something as big as a future child which would have a huge impact on your direct happiness and life for the reason of ‘the planet’ while you’ve got Biden galavanting up and down the m8 with god knows how many cars he has FLOWN over from America. The planet is f*ed anyway, do some recycling and have the baby if you want one I say 😂

@Justheretoaskaquestion91 aww bless, I think it sounds like a great idea 😊 good luck!

I have recently thought a lot about this too however my wonderful children are 10 and almost 8 and life is so easy (lie ins on sat morning, no pram, self sufficient, can quickly get into car and away, enjoying cinema, ice skating trips etc without a tiny crying baby to think about, enjoying child free shopping trips without a squealing baby) also my colleague just became a nanny and reminded me about the complete lack of sleep - that binned the idea! I think I'm too selfish now and appreciate my free time now that they are both in school until 3pm

I have three. It's harder, but if you want it, do it. They grow up fast and before you know it they're off doing their own thing anyway.

Our 3rd absolutely completes our family and I wouldn't be without her, she is a delight

But it's also 2am and she's been up for an hour ! I've a smaller age gap (2 years between 2 and 3) so it was never easy and I've just been knackered for 5 years! However I've s friend with a similar bage gap to what you have and she also says it's lovely

@milissa

With the age of the two you've got I wouldn't, not unless you were going to have another two close together. I'm all for 4/5 year gaps, but I think when you've got the older two closer together then one a good few years later they might feel left behind.

That’s what I was actually thinking. My sister in law had something similar a 8 year age gap between her first and 3rd, her second was a year younger so her two boys were 8&7 when she had her third. They are now 13,12&5 and she is always telling me they are constantly fighting because the youngest is always bored and has no one to play with at home because now the boys are teenagers they aren’t interested, that’s why I’ve always wanted a close age gap between the 2nd and 3rd I told my husband if it got to much bigger an age gap I wouldn’t want a third, he’s thinking after another 4 or 5 years we would have a 3rd. But I just wouldn’t want that big with my first 2 being so close in age expecially after seeing my sister in laws kids ( not to say that big age gaps can’t be close tho)

I have three, the older two were 4 and 3 when the youngest was born.
I won't lie, is was hard! I found it a much bigger jump than from 1 to 2. It's much more expensive. As they grow, there are many more arguments and bickering than there would be with 2. There's mess, chaos and noise all the time.

BUT, I wouldn't change if for the world. It's amazing. They rowed quite a lot when younger, but now they are 20, 19 and 16, and great friends (and have been for a few years). They find each other funny, love each others company, and we are all really close.

However, I was lucky that they are all NT, and both DH and I have jobs that can be flexible, so we never had to pay for childcare, and we were able to run them round to various activities/school runs without too much trouble. When they were babies, DH would get up in the night, or stay up late to do the last feed so I could get enough sleep. DH was around quite a bit in the day as well if needed. I might think differently if that hadn't been the case.

Ultimately though, the biological need for me to have a third overruled any doubts I had. I didn't get the urge for a fourth!

That’s what I was actually thinking. My sister in law had something similar a 8 year age gap between her first and 3rd, her second was a year younger so her two boys were 8&7 when she had her third. They are now 13,12&5 and she is always telling me they are constantly fighting because the youngest is always bored and has no one to play with at home because now the boys are teenagers they aren’t interested, that’s why I’ve always wanted a close age gap between the 2nd and 3rd I told my husband if it got to much bigger an age gap I wouldn’t want a third, he’s thinking after another 4 or 5 years we would have a 3rd. But I just wouldn’t want that big with my first 2 being so close in age expecially after seeing my sister in laws kids ( not to say that big age gaps can’t be close tho)

Even if you conceived immediately though, that's still a 5 year gap, which is pretty large. Certainly large enough to prevent common interests and leave the youngest left out.

@ThirdElephant

That’s what I was actually thinking. My sister in law had something similar a 8 year age gap between her first and 3rd, her second was a year younger so her two boys were 8&7 when she had her third. They are now 13,12&5 and she is always telling me they are constantly fighting because the youngest is always bored and has no one to play with at home because now the boys are teenagers they aren’t interested, that’s why I’ve always wanted a close age gap between the 2nd and 3rd I told my husband if it got to much bigger an age gap I wouldn’t want a third, he’s thinking after another 4 or 5 years we would have a 3rd. But I just wouldn’t want that big with my first 2 being so close in age expecially after seeing my sister in laws kids ( not to say that big age gaps can’t be close tho)

Even if you conceived immediately though, that's still a 5 year gap, which is pretty large. Certainly large enough to prevent common interests and leave the youngest left out.

Yes I know that’s true also. I wouldn’t want to have more than 3 ( me and dh always said 3) but with the age gap we have now I’d feel like I’d need to have a fourth close in age to the youngest. It is a hard decision to make.

As I said I have a girl and a boy, and their is 22 months between them so they are really close,expecially ds he looks up to his big sister so much. I get scared I’ll break the bond by adding another now, it took exactly 4 months to conceive both of them and they was both born weighing the exact same aswell both at 6lb 15oz 🤣 I guess I’m thinking into to much but I get worried I’ll break their bond.

My first two were 17 and 6 when I had my third.

She’s 15 months and the absolute joy in our family, everyone is smitten.

I do like a big age gap though, tough pregnancies here. I was 40 with my 3rd, but it was lockdown and my 6 year old was happy just to lay around next to me and read/draw/chat/Ipad.

I wouldn’t have coped with a younger child with the awful pregnancies I’d have. I’d love a 4th but no way would I try to fall pregnant in 5 years!

My older two have always got on so well, they adore each other even with the 11 year age gap.

You should have posted on “larger families” board. You’ll get a character assassination from the eco nuts here.

We've got three, my older two were 4 and 2 when the third was born though so we were pretty much still in the nappies/prams stage of life and it wasn't too much of a shock to the system. Im not sure we would have gone for it with a bigger gap, because going back to all that after you've left it behind must be really hard.

Saying that, I think three is wonderful. Mine are 2, 4 and 6 now so it's hard work but I love having a little gang and I feel like we are complete as a family in a way I didn't before.

Downsides are financial mainly at this stage, and the usual tiredness etc and I imagine there will be tough emotional times ahead when they are all teenagers, but I wouldn't change a thing.

I had my 3rd this year, the older 2 were 5 and 3. I've always wanted 3 children, I was never under the impression it'd be easy though, it's busy/chaotic but I love it!! I'm finding myself thinking ooo could we have another (we won't as that'd be pure madness!!). If you think something is missing and can afford it/have room without impacting the lives of your existing children do it. I also think it's important that you are a team with your husband too, I couldn't imagine managing 3 without such an amazing committed husband who does more than his share.

Ahhh I remember losing hours to these threads when we were debating it. Ultimately I couldn't push that desire away I really wanted a third. I would have liked it earlier but DH was setting a business up so we had to wait. Two older ones were 5 and just 4 when DC3 came along.

I won't lie it's bonkers some days. The mess, the noise, the constant snacks. But it's awesome. I love it and wouldn't change it.

I do think DH needs to be on board. Mine was a bit indifferent but when we talked about it he was on the same page

There’s 18 months between my 1st & 2nd & 3yrs after that I had my 3rd 😌 I love it & wouldn’t change it for the world 😌 I personally never found it any harder than having 2, they’re teenagers now & although they have their little arguments but overall they get on quite well, they're fun & the ages they are at now means we can do the fun stuff together 😌 go for it OP (if it’s what you really want) I’ve never regretted it but I definitely would have if I never went for it 😌

I have a 6 and 3 year old but no H anymore so obviously it's not on the cards for me but I also wouldn't want any more anyway.
Have a think about

• have you always wanted a third or is this just a new thought since your 2 are at school?
• how do you feel if someone you know has a baby? Longing for one of your own, or just happy for them and happy you can give it back? (I feel the latter)
• have you thought about how you would feel/cope if your third child had SN or disabilities, when you already have 2 other kids to care for?
• is your mental health sturdy?
• you said your DH thinks you're mad, but is he a 100% supportive partner otherwise? are you completely happy with the workload between you, is the split between you equal or do you do most of the parenting and house stuff?
• can you afford the extra costs? what about housing - do you want them to all have separate rooms eventually and can you afford to make that happen? As already said, cars, holidays etc all more expensive
• how would logistics work as they get older and want taking to clubs etc in the evenings and weekends, when there are 2 adults and 3 kids?

About regrets over not having another - when I was on maternity leave with DS2, so with a baby and a 3 year old, I really longed for another. 100% glad we didn't now. Now i'm single i barely keep my head above water as it is.

Don't do it !! Just have the two.

@22justheretoaskaquestion91

*22Justheretoaskaquestion91

Currently expecting my third and very hormonal and this thread has made me feel like shit. I found 2 very easy though (easier than 1, bizarrely) so I’m hoping for the best re 3…. *

Don't feel like shit.. you sound like me..be proud that you are going to be a Mummy of 3.. I was

Like you I found two easier than one, no 3 was a breeze

I always wanted 3 children. DH was happy with two but we decided to go with it and just see what happened when DS was 18 months old.. DTD once and Dc3 was on the way, guess she was meant to be.

She slotted in, yes times were hard sometimes, had so many comments asking if she was the "accident child?" (They were firmly put down) but honestly we have never regretted it.

She is the exact opposite to my other two DC's, but 17 years later all three are incredibly close to each other, absolutely no regrets here, DC3 has made us the family we are.

Having a 3rd is a big change. Honestly. You need a different car (can't fit 3 seats in any common car!!!) for example. There is a lot made for 2 kids and not 3.

Personally for me was a HUGE change and I totally didn't account for it (my living situation is different than when I had the first 2). Honestly I had PPD because of it. And occasionally have regrets she is a lovely baby, my easiest! But everything ELSE isn't easy for me right now

It depends on your life. How things are. Think hard about it. You don't want to regret it later. Personally I still think I better regret having the baby than not having.... I read a lot of experiences from people who feel very empty because they wanted another child

We've decided not to. I feel so lucky to have had two healthy pregnancies, births and babies without any heartache along the way, I don't fancy rolling the dice again. Because when will it stop? If I'm honest I think I'll always crave that fresh newborn on my chest. If we have a third, do we have a fourth, fifth, sixth? If the reason is 'because I love having babies', will our family ever be complete?

The environmental aspect played a role in our decision also.