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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder whether to pay hairdresser for lost time?

49 replies

JohnKettleyIsAWeatherman · 09/11/2021 16:18

So my mum has a few health issues including some cognitive decline (not dementia so far, according to her last assessment) and lives with me and DH. I'm her carer and she's needed more support than usual recently as she recovers from surgery.

Up until now she's always managed to book her own hair appointments from a mobile hairdresser she gets on well with, and I've been happy to let her as it's been one less thing on my (somewhat overfilled, especially as I work F/T) plate!

My mum was ill yesterday and forgot she had an appointment today. (This has never happened before btw.) She was still in bed when the hairdresser turned up, and although she's a little better today she wasn't up to the appointment. Hairdresser was understandably frustrated when I told her this, and I was suitably apologetic, but she spoke to me in a way I'm not at all happy with (especially as I didn't set the fricking appointment in the first place and wasn't aware it was scheduled, which I explained!) 'I've come all the way from [local place about 20 mins away] for this!' really unpleasant tone of voice, no 'sorry to hear she's not well/hope she's soon better', nothing like that. She then proceeded to snap that in future she'd call my mum before her appointments to make sure, then walked out of the house without another word to me, shutting the door unnecessarily hard behind her.

Obviously, this tells me I'm going to need to manage my mum's hair appointments in future, which is OK, but I'm a bit conflicted because in principle I feel we should offer to pay the hairdresser something for her lost time/petrol. BUT, given how rude she was to me, the thought of making this offer is really sticking in my craw atm! Hmm

Part of me genuinely feels bad we wasted her time, another feels that as a business owner this is not the way you speak to a regular and usually reliable client. My mum gets on well with her, she has always been very pleasant and polite until today, and I'm glad of that because my mum doesn't get out much and enjoys having someone to talk to occasionally besides me and DH. So I don't particularly want to look for another hairdresser, but I'm fuming over how I was spoken to over a genuine misunderstanding that wasn't even down to me in the first place! Angry

WWYD in this situation?

YABU = you wasted the hairdresser's time and should reimburse her
YANBU = why should you do her any favours after she was so rude?

OP posts:
TangoWhiskyAlphaTango · 09/11/2021 16:20

Yabu without a doubt. No need for her to be so rude though. Pay and don't have her back again.

mandoforever · 09/11/2021 16:24

I think she shouldn't have been rude but I think you should have offered to pay for your mum's appointment while she was there.

RoomOfRequirement · 09/11/2021 16:25

I completely understand why she was so annoyed. That's, at minimum, 40 minutes out of her day that she won't be paid for, plus travel expenses, plus not being able to book another client into that slot so even more revenue loss.

I'd offer to pay her for the appointment, whatever she usually gets paid.

Thymeout · 09/11/2021 16:28

Hairdressers are having a rough time at the moment. Round here, many salons have closed and businesses sold up at a loss.

I'd have paid her because she would have lost money she was depending on to make ends reach.

Obviously, she shouldn't have been rude, but I can understand her frustration when you didn't offer to pay.

girlmom21 · 09/11/2021 16:31

I think you should pay her, especially with the 40 minute travel time.

FlaggRF · 09/11/2021 16:34

She was rude, but she may have lost half a days pay over the wasted appointment.

Original poster
JohnKettleyIsAWeatherman · 09/11/2021 16:34

@mandoforever

I think she shouldn't have been rude but I think you should have offered to pay for your mum's appointment while she was there.
TBF I would have, if I'd thought about it at the time, but I'm unwell myself atm and a bit woolly-headed, and the situation threw me for a loop at the time. Posted this thread as I will need to get in touch with her to re-book the appointment and have been pondering the situation. I'm a very fair-minded person and don't like to put anybody out, so I probably will offer to pay for today, but probably not until my ire has died down a little.
OP posts:
Cocomarine · 09/11/2021 16:39

I wonder if you’d said, “oh I’m so sorry - mum’s not well and we didn’t realise she had an appointment - of course we’ll still pay for your time” you might have found she wasn’t rude at all, and might even have said, “oh these things happen, please don’t worry about it - I’m sorry she’s not well.”

Although I think it’s best not to be rude generally - I don’t blame her and think a little rudeness wasn’t necessarily unwarranted if she was basically just told, “sorry not sorry”

Original poster
JohnKettleyIsAWeatherman · 09/11/2021 16:55

@Cocomarine

I wonder if you’d said, “oh I’m so sorry - mum’s not well and we didn’t realise she had an appointment - of course we’ll still pay for your time” you might have found she wasn’t rude at all, and might even have said, “oh these things happen, please don’t worry about it - I’m sorry she’s not well.”

Although I think it’s best not to be rude generally - I don’t blame her and think a little rudeness wasn’t necessarily unwarranted if she was basically just told, “sorry not sorry”

I agree with you, but I was thinking on my feet on what's not been a great day for me health-wise, and she was out of the door so fast I didn't really get time to think at all tbh. Anyway I've texted her now and told her we'll pay her for our time.
OP posts:
Cocomarine · 09/11/2021 17:14

I’m sorry you’ve been unwell too. I certainly don’t blame you for not thinking of it - but I also think it’s right not to blame the hairdresser for also not behaving perfectly. We’re all human! Flowers

Original poster
JohnKettleyIsAWeatherman · 09/11/2021 17:15

@Cocomarine

I’m sorry you’ve been unwell too. I certainly don’t blame you for not thinking of it - but I also think it’s right not to blame the hairdresser for also not behaving perfectly. We’re all human! Flowers
Agreed Smile
OP posts:
Starcaller · 09/11/2021 17:21

You probably should reimburse her but as someone who is self-employed, if it was a loyal, repeat client and the first time this had happened, I wouldn't be a dick about it, particularly as it must have been obvious your mum wasn't that well if she was still in bed? It's possible to run a business and still be gracious and kind, especially when you work in a personal care capacity.

Original poster
JohnKettleyIsAWeatherman · 09/11/2021 22:36

@Starcaller

You probably should reimburse her but as someone who is self-employed, if it was a loyal, repeat client and the first time this had happened, I wouldn't be a dick about it, particularly as it must have been obvious your mum wasn't that well if she was still in bed? It's possible to run a business and still be gracious and kind, especially when you work in a personal care capacity.
This pretty much sums up how I'm feeling about it tbh...
OP posts:
TotallySuper · 09/11/2021 22:39

Really she should have been professional and said I'm sorry to hear that due to the amount of travel and time etc and my cancellation policy I'll need to ask you to pay me for my time. But she was obviously a bit too quick to anger for that! I wonder what she'll reply.

Nopetryagain · 09/11/2021 22:58

If she had been frustrated but sympathetic I would be inclined to pay her as a gesture of goodwill but if she is going to be rude about it I wouldn’t bother.

Ibizafun · 09/11/2021 23:00

Understandably frustrated but shouldn’t have been rude. You however, we’re band out of order not to pay her. Why on earth shouldn’t she be paid, she may well have turned down another client to see your mum!

HallieHufflepuff · 09/11/2021 23:20

I think that she should be paid for her lost time but I would be reluctant to engage with such a rude person further. I also wouldn't want to reward such nastiness towards someone with health issues and someone who was not at all to blame.

spongedog · 09/11/2021 23:37

I dont think she sounds rude at all. Just frustrated. Which all of us would be.

If your mum gets on with her and is happy with how her hair looks then I think you would be silly to take offence and not use her in the future. She has already stated that she will call your mum in advance to avoid future forgotten appointments. I think that is great service - shows how much she values your mum as her client.

Original poster
JohnKettleyIsAWeatherman · 10/11/2021 09:26

@Ibizafun

Understandably frustrated but shouldn’t have been rude. You however, we’re band out of order not to pay her. Why on earth shouldn’t she be paid, she may well have turned down another client to see your mum!
If you read my other responses you'll see I already answered this.
OP posts:
Boood · 10/11/2021 10:52

It was right to pay her for her time. However, I’d be concerned that unfortunately things like this are likely to keep happening, and probably increase due to your mum’s dementia. I know you’ve said you’re going to take over arranging appointments and make sure she’s ready, but even so, anybody dealing with her is going to need to be aware of her condition and be able to be kind and patient. I’d be questioning whether this particular hairdresser is the right person, and I’d maybe have an honest conversation with her. Not having a go at her, just saying this is how it is and what she’s going to need, do you think you can work with that.

CherryRedDMs · 10/11/2021 10:54

Pay her then find a new hairdresser.

Selttan · 10/11/2021 10:59

I think if you're mum us comfortable with her and wants to keep using her I'd offer to pay her.

I do understand her frustration but if it's not a regular occurrence, your mum missing appointments or cancelling last minute, I think she could've been a bit more understanding.

HelloDulling · 10/11/2021 11:02

It wasn’t a misunderstanding. The appointment was made, she turned up at the time and your mum had forgotten (that’s okay, it’s quite understandable).

You know now you need to be on top of these appointments.

Pay her and apologise for wasting her time and she might well apologise for being short with you.

BeepBoopBop · 10/11/2021 11:13

YANBU
Your poor mum. I'd be seething if anyone was that rude to any elderly, unwell lady - especially a regular client. Mistakes do happen and the hairdresser could easily have asked politely for at least her fuel costs. She chose to be unprofessional and stomp off.
Anyway, as she was so rude, if it were me I would look for another hairdresser ASAP as I wouldn't trust her to be kind to my mum while I was at work.

Concestor · 10/11/2021 11:27

@CherryRedDMs

Pay her then find a new hairdresser.
This. I wouldn't have her back again, she was unprofessional and rude.
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