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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder whether to pay hairdresser for lost time?

49 replies

JohnKettleyIsAWeatherman · 09/11/2021 16:18

So my mum has a few health issues including some cognitive decline (not dementia so far, according to her last assessment) and lives with me and DH. I'm her carer and she's needed more support than usual recently as she recovers from surgery.

Up until now she's always managed to book her own hair appointments from a mobile hairdresser she gets on well with, and I've been happy to let her as it's been one less thing on my (somewhat overfilled, especially as I work F/T) plate!

My mum was ill yesterday and forgot she had an appointment today. (This has never happened before btw.) She was still in bed when the hairdresser turned up, and although she's a little better today she wasn't up to the appointment. Hairdresser was understandably frustrated when I told her this, and I was suitably apologetic, but she spoke to me in a way I'm not at all happy with (especially as I didn't set the fricking appointment in the first place and wasn't aware it was scheduled, which I explained!) 'I've come all the way from [local place about 20 mins away] for this!' really unpleasant tone of voice, no 'sorry to hear she's not well/hope she's soon better', nothing like that. She then proceeded to snap that in future she'd call my mum before her appointments to make sure, then walked out of the house without another word to me, shutting the door unnecessarily hard behind her.

Obviously, this tells me I'm going to need to manage my mum's hair appointments in future, which is OK, but I'm a bit conflicted because in principle I feel we should offer to pay the hairdresser something for her lost time/petrol. BUT, given how rude she was to me, the thought of making this offer is really sticking in my craw atm! Hmm

Part of me genuinely feels bad we wasted her time, another feels that as a business owner this is not the way you speak to a regular and usually reliable client. My mum gets on well with her, she has always been very pleasant and polite until today, and I'm glad of that because my mum doesn't get out much and enjoys having someone to talk to occasionally besides me and DH. So I don't particularly want to look for another hairdresser, but I'm fuming over how I was spoken to over a genuine misunderstanding that wasn't even down to me in the first place! Angry

WWYD in this situation?

YABU = you wasted the hairdresser's time and should reimburse her
YANBU = why should you do her any favours after she was so rude?

OP posts:
lanthanum · 10/11/2021 11:35

She could have been more polite, but you need to pay for the appointment. It's not a question of "offering to pay" really - I know our hairdressers have a notice saying that appointments cancelled at short notice have to paid for. (In practice, they waived that when my daughter was ill, but that's their choice, and something that they're going to be more willing to do for a quick trim than a longer appointment.)

Perhaps she was having a bad day and the wasted journey was the last straw. Plenty of us are less polite than we should be when we're stressed.

TractorAndHeadphones · 10/11/2021 11:43

Isn’t it actually BETTER for her if she shows up but your mother is still in bed - that means she gets paid without having to do any work except travel?

If she’s angry that implies that she wouldn’t have charged so I wouldn’t ring her up. The onus is on her to bill you, not the other way round. Pay her if she asks but keep quite otherwise.

Does she have your contact details?

chayago · 10/11/2021 11:44

What did she reply?
I wish your mum an easy and prompt recovery xx

TractorAndHeadphones · 10/11/2021 11:45

*keep quiet

The more I think about this the more likely she’s operating ‘under the table’ anyway and doesn’t have a written policy or anything of that sort. Her fault. You don’t have to do anything.

TractorAndHeadphones · 10/11/2021 11:45

Sorry OP just read the whole thread …

icedcoffees · 10/11/2021 11:50

Isn’t it actually BETTER for her if she shows up but your mother is still in bed - that means she gets paid without having to do any work except travel?

Not necessarily as she could have turned down a better paying client due to OP's mum already having reserved the slot.

Beautiful3 · 10/11/2021 11:56

Wow she was rude. I'd be miffed to have wasted 40 minutes travel, for it to be cancelled. Perhaps next time, you book it and say that you'll call in her the morning to confirm it's still on?

LittleGwyneth · 10/11/2021 12:17

I would expect some sympathy if they've got a long term working relationship. As PP said, pay her, then find someone else.

TractorAndHeadphones · 10/11/2021 12:21

@icedcoffees

Isn’t it actually BETTER for her if she shows up but your mother is still in bed - that means she gets paid without having to do any work except travel?

Not necessarily as she could have turned down a better paying client due to OP's mum already having reserved the slot.

Yes but that doesn’t make any difference. If the OP’s mum had been ready she would’ve have received £X. If OP’s mum wasn’t ready she still receives £X. So the outcome is the same from the moment she booked OP’s mum over someone else.
Queenoftheashes · 10/11/2021 12:25

I think pay her. She was annoyed because she was inconvenienced and out of pocket. She was rude but she'll probably be sorry about it when you pay her and no need for you to wonder if you should be feeling bad about it.

FinallyHere · 10/11/2021 12:30

YABU

I've always noticed that people are a lot less stressed about this kind of thing if you make clear that of course she will be paid in full as if the appointment had taken place.

When this kind of issue started, I paid for services in advance so that they would be sure they would be paid snd would continue to visit. It wasn't many months til my mother just wasn't up to hairdressing so the trouble all went away.

You won't know yet how long it will be, so I would pay anyway in the situation you describe.

If everyone paid, the hairdresser would be a lot less likely to get stressed about it all.

Polmuggle · 10/11/2021 12:32

I wouldn't be paying her unless her terms and conditions state it's required?

squee123 · 10/11/2021 12:35

Cut her some so slack. She shouldn't have been rude, but maybe she was counting on that money to feed her kids last night and was fighting back tears that she'd spent the money on petrol but wouldn't have anything to show for it.

icedcoffees · 10/11/2021 13:04

Yes but that doesn’t make any difference. If the OP’s mum had been ready she would’ve have received £X. If OP’s mum wasn’t ready she still receives £X. So the outcome is the same from the moment she booked OP’s mum over someone else.

But she turned up to find her client wasn't available and nobody offered to reimburse her, so from her viewpoint she's very much out of pocket.

Original poster
JohnKettleyIsAWeatherman · 10/11/2021 13:25

I think a few PPs may have missed my update saying I was unwell myself yesterday and wasn't thinking on my feet, and that I've texted saying we'll pay her for her time.

What did she reply?
I wish your mum an easy and prompt recovery xx

Thanks @chayago. So far she hasn't replied at all! Texted more than 24hrs ago so unlikely she's not seen the message. Might just be busy, might be sulking, guess we'll have to see...

OP posts:
TractorAndHeadphones · 10/11/2021 13:31

@icedcoffees

Yes but that doesn’t make any difference. If the OP’s mum had been ready she would’ve have received £X. If OP’s mum wasn’t ready she still receives £X. So the outcome is the same from the moment she booked OP’s mum over someone else.

But she turned up to find her client wasn't available and nobody offered to reimburse her, so from her viewpoint she's very much out of pocket.

As the tradesperson it’s her job to charge for the time. Why should she wait for anybody to ‘offer’? Most places have a cancellation policy. Plumbers for example charge the call out fee if they turn up and nobody’s home.

She’s the one who stormed off without charging so it’s entirely her fault if she gets no money. Very unprofessional.

TractorAndHeadphones · 10/11/2021 13:32

Also if all tradespeople relied on the goodwill of people to ‘reimburse’ rather than charging they’d never get any money…

itsmeagainagain · 10/11/2021 13:36

I think you’ve done the right thing paying her but there is no way one earth I’d want her visiting my vulnerable mother ever again with an attitude like that.

MyButteredBread · 10/11/2021 13:41

I'd pay her, but then I'd also look for someone different, perhaps more local.

ArsenicNLace · 10/11/2021 14:06

In this case I would have apologised profusely and said immediately said, 'Of course we'll pay for the appointment.' Maybe she was short with you because you didn't do that and now she's wasted an appointment that could have gone to someone else and now hasn't got any income from it.

girlmom21 · 10/11/2021 14:58

Oh wow @ArsenicNLace what an interesting suggestion. I'm so surprised nobody else has posted the exact same response and that OP hasn't replied acknowledging this and confirming she's now contacted the hairdresser...

ArsenicNLace · 10/11/2021 15:12

Hope feel better for that little piece of unnecessary nastiness @girlmom21.

Original poster
JohnKettleyIsAWeatherman · 10/12/2021 16:05

Thought I'd just update that I offered the hairdresser the full amount of the cancelled visit and she thanked me but politely declined to take any payment at all. So maybe she realised afterwards she'd been a bit arsey.

OP posts:
fakereview · 10/12/2021 16:24

That's good news OP.

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