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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not sure what to do about this woman at work..

58 replies

alittletorn · 08/11/2021 21:32

Hello,

I am having a little bit of a problem with a particular lady at work.
I have been working here for around 5.5 months now.. and this lady started around 3 months ago in the same department as me.

I found out today through a colleague of mine, that this lady has told my manager that I am struggling with my work, stressed and contemplating 'leaving' the company!
I haven't ever said to this lady that I feel stressed or that I'm contemplating leaving. In fact, I am really happy and settled in my role, and absolutely love the company!

I am just really hurt and confused. I really liked this particular lady but I know that others in my department aren't too sure on her. She is very opinionated and regularly voices her opinions on others in the company to the office.

I am hoping to pass my work probation in the next month or so, providing all goes well. Could it be something to do with this? She's not been here as long as me (not by much, though..) I just can't think of a reason why she would do this.

I know my manager is really happy with my work and progress within the company snd tells me often, so I'm hoping I have nothing to worry about.. but am now concerned that they think i want to leave the company. If so, they could decide not to pass my probation due to the belief that I will leave soon on my own accord anyway. It's just got really out of hand and is a complete lie. I found out that my manager has been asking others in the department if they believe I am okay, managing and coping well with my workload, etc etc. It's just odd that the manager hasn't come to me directly, but I will be pulling them aside tomorrow to assure that I am happy and have absolutely no plans on leaving.

I suppose what im asking, is would it be unreasonable to say to my manager that I believe 'xxxxx' colleague has told her incorrectly that I am unsettled, unhappy and looking to leave? Or do I just say something else...? I don't want to leave it unnoticed as I don't want to risk my position in the company.

Does anybody know any way I could go about this? And what I should do regarding the colleague coming the issues?!

OP posts:
Original poster
alittletorn · 08/11/2021 21:33

Thank you so much in advance !!

OP posts:
Cheeseandlobster · 08/11/2021 21:36

She is trying to undermine you and make you look weak somehow. I absolutely would have a chat with your manager. How dare she!

Spudina · 08/11/2021 21:38

What a weirdo she is. Be very wary of her OP. Absolutely say that to your manager. I'm mid 40s and too old to take any of that crap. I tend to confront people these days. Calmly, but confront them all the same. Though she sounds tricky. You might want a witness if you choose to speak to her.

aikshe · 08/11/2021 21:39

I worked with someone who did this. I thought they were a friend but they were twisting things I said and reporting back to the boss. I set the record straight when the boss asked me directly about all these problems I apparently had (I didn't realise until this point.) If I was you I'd tackle it head on and raise it with your manager before she can spread any more lies.

millenialblush · 08/11/2021 21:39

Speak to your manager but also I would ask her to her face if she said it and see what she says.

TotallySuper · 08/11/2021 21:42

I would speak to your manager and ask for a meeting with you, the manager and this lady. Thrash it out, sorted. She'll think twice again about malicious bitching if you're direct.

Original poster
alittletorn · 08/11/2021 21:43

Thank you all.
I should add that once before, she told me that she had raised in her review with my manager about now she's been concerned that I have been having regular headaches and that she thinks something is wrong with me. I just had headaches as I was waiting for my new prescription glasses. I didn't ask her to raise this for me and my manager already knew I was suffering with headaches due to this. It's just that she seems to raise an awful lot of things about me in her progress meetings and it's very odd..

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 08/11/2021 21:45

I wouldn't get into a he said/ she said, they will find out what shes like soon enough.

I would say that it's been brought to your attention that there is a rumour that you're not happy and just want it on the record that you're happy. You've been completing the work set in the hours and hit kpis. You're not feeling stressed or worried, you're sleeping fine, you're not anxious, you've been carrying on as normal outside work, you're enjoying the role particularly x and y aspects and you're looking forward to the future. I'd say you think management are approachable and if there was an issue then youd try and solve it and approach them with suggestions, not just moan to colleagues. I would just sum up to say 'so its really odd why someone thinks I'm fed up, someone must have caught a glimpse of my resting bitch face, ha ha'. If they think you've got some issue with someone else they may just not take either of you on rather than try and sort it out

cowburp · 08/11/2021 21:45

Weird how she's telling you about her meetings. Stay well clear of her. Absolutely speak to your manager - keep it professional and about you.

AutumnLeaves21 · 08/11/2021 21:47

Wow! Nerve of her! I’d ask her what she thinks she’s playing at and tell her to keep her nose out! Definitely approach your managers too. Cheeky cow!!

Frannibananni · 08/11/2021 21:49

She wants job security and is trying to get it at your expense. You need to speak to your manager about this. I wouldn’t trust this,woman with even a weather report.

Mum6776 · 08/11/2021 21:51

They'll soon get her measure. I would ask to speak to your manager and let her know it's untrue and you're not sure why she's spreading these rumours. It sounds like she thinks she's in competition with you.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 08/11/2021 21:52

@cowburp

Weird how she's telling you about her meetings. Stay well clear of her. Absolutely speak to your manager - keep it professional and about you.
Absolutely this.

I'd follow it up with an email confirming what you've said.

I had similar, o didn't act early /swiftly enough so had a whole lot of shit further down the line...
Essentially this woman hated any new hire that got on well with the bosses who would make manipulative trash up about people.

minatrina · 08/11/2021 21:53

I wouldn't confront her or get into any nonsense. I would definitely raise it with your manager without naming names, just say you've heard a rumour that XYZ and you'd like to set the record straight.

Your manager will soon have this lady's number, if she doesn't already!

harriethoyle · 08/11/2021 21:53

I would also follow up your conversation with your manager with an email just in case you need to raise with HR...

VladmirsPoutine · 08/11/2021 21:53

Yep. Get straight to the point with your manager and tell her it's categorically untrue and even add some spice to it by asking why she would feel the need to fabricate something so important so erroneously. Go all in! Leave no doubt but don't sound bitter. Things like this really give me the rage in the workplace. I'd even offer to organise a meeting between the three of you, send an e-mail etc asking her for the exact times and dates you voiced your worries to her.

minou123 · 08/11/2021 21:57

My advice is take all the drama out of the situation

Tell your manager directly you like working there, cut any misunderstanding/lying out.

As for you Co worker -put very firm boundaries in place. Only discuss work that relates to her. Do not discuss anything personal like headaches or personal life.
I know this sounds horrible because we should be able to get on with colleagues, but I don't think you can with her.

RandomMess · 08/11/2021 22:00

Have a discussion with your manager.

Explain you have had it relayed back to you that X has been saying you are stressed and unhappy and whether that is true or not you are loving the job, or stressed and hoping you can progress within the company.

Colleague is weird!

Marvellousmadness · 08/11/2021 22:01

Tell your manager directly ASAP!!!

CheeseMmmm · 08/11/2021 22:02

Talk to manager.

Say she told you X and someone else told you y. But obv y no idea if true or not. But still seemed a bit strange and wanted to have a chat. Say you think it's strange that she told you she brought you up in her own perf review.

If matey with manager then say look this makes me feel uncomfy. If you think reasonable maybe you can have a word about perf review about you not others. And that while manager understands her concern there's no need as manager has open relationship with you and so would know if issues.

She sounds awful. Don't bring up with her. Don't make a drama. Stay professional and polite.

Lightswitch123 · 08/11/2021 22:03

@minatrina

I wouldn't confront her or get into any nonsense. I would definitely raise it with your manager without naming names, just say you've heard a rumour that XYZ and you'd like to set the record straight.

Your manager will soon have this lady's number, if she doesn't already!

100%
TakeMeToKernow · 08/11/2021 22:05

How very odd. I manage a few people and I’d be grateful for you being direct in telling me what you’ve said here. If, selfishly, just to alleviate worry that a good team member is contemplating leaving!

Quite what to do about this woman though, I’m not sure! I’d be going to my own manager Grin

RunningScarabbed · 08/11/2021 22:05

I'd throw her under the bus without a second thought. Tell your manager that someone (and name names here) told you that this other woman said XYZ, and you wanted to set the record straight, especially since you're worried that this false information might jeopardise your future with the company. Tell the manage you're actually very happy with your work, etc., and have no plans of leaving.

That's nothing but the truth. I wouldn't be afraid to tell it.

Cherrysoup · 08/11/2021 22:10

I suppose what im asking, is would it be unreasonable to say to my manager that I believe 'xxxxx' colleague has told her incorrectly that I am unsettled, unhappy and looking to leave? Or do I just say something else...? I don't want to leave it unnoticed as I don't want to risk my position in the company.

Definitely say this and use the word ‘untruth’, possibly even ‘lies’. This woman sounds like she’s actively trying to sabotage you. Extraordinary!

Havingadaytbh · 08/11/2021 22:12

See, I don’t think I would name names - as PP said, take the drama out of the situation. There’s nothing (most) management hates worse than he said/she said slanging matches