Not sure what to do about this woman at work..

[alittletorn]

Hello,

I am having a little bit of a problem with a particular lady at work.
I have been working here for around 5.5 months now.. and this lady started around 3 months ago in the same department as me.

I found out today through a colleague of mine, that this lady has told my manager that I am struggling with my work, stressed and contemplating 'leaving' the company!
I haven't ever said to this lady that I feel stressed or that I'm contemplating leaving. In fact, I am really happy and settled in my role, and absolutely love the company!

I am just really hurt and confused. I really liked this particular lady but I know that others in my department aren't too sure on her. She is very opinionated and regularly voices her opinions on others in the company to the office.

I am hoping to pass my work probation in the next month or so, providing all goes well. Could it be something to do with this? She's not been here as long as me (not by much, though..) I just can't think of a reason why she would do this.

I know my manager is really happy with my work and progress within the company snd tells me often, so I'm hoping I have nothing to worry about.. but am now concerned that they think i want to leave the company. If so, they could decide not to pass my probation due to the belief that I will leave soon on my own accord anyway. It's just got really out of hand and is a complete lie. I found out that my manager has been asking others in the department if they believe I am okay, managing and coping well with my workload, etc etc. It's just odd that the manager hasn't come to me directly, but I will be pulling them aside tomorrow to assure that I am happy and have absolutely no plans on leaving.

I suppose what im asking, is would it be unreasonable to say to my manager that I believe 'xxxxx' colleague has told her incorrectly that I am unsettled, unhappy and looking to leave? Or do I just say something else...? I don't want to leave it unnoticed as I don't want to risk my position in the company.

Does anybody know any way I could go about this? And what I should do regarding the colleague coming the issues?!

You should go to your manager. But could it be somebody else stirring up trouble.

Do not trust this woman.

She has 'told' you who she is - believe her.

And definitely bring it up with your manager.

Straight onto your manager, OP.

Request a one on one meeting, "to discuss a matter which has concerned me, but I hope we can resolve in 10 minutes flat."

Then just be as straightforward & clear as you have been here :)

"Manager, sorry to need to bring this to your attention but as I'm still so new I'd appreciate your guidance & support.
A colleague has informed me that another colleague has told you that I am struggling with my work, stressed and contemplating 'leaving' the company!
I'm annoyed about that on a personal level of course, & disturbed as to why anyone would say something so potentially destructive to me professionally.
I haven't ever said to the colleague who allegedly spoke to you that I feel stressed or that I'm contemplating leaving. In fact, I am really happy and settled in my role, and absolutely love the company!
So I wanted to make 100% sure you know that, & also ask what else I might need to do to 'cover my proverbial' in relation to this daft rumour.
I'm all for blithely ignoring it & concentrating on passing my probation - but should I have put something in writing to you, in case other people have been told this nonsense too?"

If you feel at all anxious about it - just write that lot down & bring the note with you as a prompt. It's ok to be nervous - you are new, & this is a nasty thing to be on the wrong end of - but your manager will respect you for:

1. having a clear & non self-pitying agenda
2. taking the trouble to give yourself a written precis to ensure you cover your points succinctly
3. sticking up for yourself
4. prioritising passing probation above getting embroiled in petty bitchery
5. not asking them to "do it for me" but acting as a junior professional seeking advice from her senior.

Look on it as a golden opportunity to showcase your work ethic, professional standards, reasonableness, & dedication to progressing within the company OP.
Silly bitch who thought she was sticking the boot in has actually done you a favour.

It might be this lady who is saying these things about you. Or it might be the colleague who told you it was this last. I would tread very carefully OP. Someone at that company is a manipulative stirrer, and it might not be the obvious person.

Definitely speak to your manager tomorrow and tell them that you’ve heard these rumours going round about yourself and they’re definitely not true. Tell them how much you like the job. I’m sure you’ll be fine.

Although it does occur to me that you may not actually know which of these 2 women started the rumour.

The woman who told you about the alleged gossiper could just be a major shit-stirrer. Your gut feeling about each of you will help you here BUT - either way, it doesn't affect the agenda you need to present to your manager when you meet. Do NOT volunteer names - say "colleague" when you describe what happened - as that applies to either of them.

If your manager asks for names, give them, without further comment.
They will already have an inkling of who the Usual Suspects for idle gossip, sabotage & bitchery are - you don't need to point any direct fingers.

Good luck - let us know how it goes?

Speak to your manager, ASAP.

‘Manager, I’ve heard through the grapevine that someone (mention no names) has told you that’s am unhappy, unsettled and looking for another job. Because I heard this through the grapevine, I don’t know whether you have actually been told this or if it is just a rumour. But I want to let you know that this is categorically not the case. Ive been very happy here and hope to pass probation without any issues next month. If I did have any issues, I would raise them with you rather than gossip with colleagues.

I was surprised to hear this gossip so can you tell me if you had been told this and if there is anything else I should know about? ‘

Be absolutely clear with your manager.
I also think you should ask her directly (in front of as many witnesses as possible) why she lied. It’s the only way to deal with bullshitters and manipulators. They thrive on back door dealings so take the control away from her.

I would do nothing. Until the opportunity arises.

This crazy woman is obviously hoping you don't pass probation so it improves her chances.

You already know your manager is happy with you.

While I don't doubt you, it appears as if you cannot support anything you say other than gossip.

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

I wouldn't get into a he said/ she said, they will find out what shes like soon enough.

I would say that it's been brought to your attention that there is a rumour that you're not happy and just want it on the record that you're happy. You've been completing the work set in the hours and hit kpis. You're not feeling stressed or worried, you're sleeping fine, you're not anxious, you've been carrying on as normal outside work, you're enjoying the role particularly x and y aspects and you're looking forward to the future. I'd say you think management are approachable and if there was an issue then youd try and solve it and approach them with suggestions, not just moan to colleagues. I would just sum up to say 'so its really odd why someone thinks I'm fed up, someone must have caught a glimpse of my resting bitch face, ha ha'. If they think you've got some issue with someone else they may just not take either of you on rather than try and sort it out

This. Don't name names. Keep it about you and the fact you're happy, performing well and settled. They will get the measure of the other people soon enough.

Posted too soon.

Don't get into a he said/she said.

Your manager sussed it out and obviously found nothing worth raising with you.

If your manager mentions it or if probation becomes an issue then raise it. Ask if it is anything to do with some gossip that you heard recently as you don't get dragged I to gossip so thought it wasn't worth mentioning at that time.

Actually, I rescind my advice. A previous poster was spot on about managers not wanting to witness slanging matches. Also, others are correct that there may be more to this.
I’d still be fuming though!

Deffo sleek to ur manager about this tomo. Nip this witch in the bud right away

OP, approach it however feels right to you, of course. I still don't think it's wrong to be completely honest and detailed about what you've been told. That's the only thing you know for certain. Brenda told you (fill in the blank), and you just want Manager to know that you're actually very happy with your position and have no interest in leaving the job.

Whether or not I'd name names would depend on the personalities involved, but I don't think it's automatically a terrible idea to just lay all your cards on the table, if your manager isn't a grumpy, short-tempered person. If he or she is, I'd keep it brief and probably not get into details beyond "I heard a rumour and wanted to clear the air and be certain management knows I can handle my tasks and don't plan to leave."

If I were you, I’d try hard to avoid any “she said” “I heard” conversations with your manager. I also would avoid phrases like “apparently there’s a rumour” or any variation on this.

As above, I’d be as low-drama as possible-

“Hi manager

A colleague had shared with me, that they have discussed their personal perception of my job satisfaction and health with you, in their recent performance review.

I just wanted to take the opportunity to assure you that I’m both very happy here at (company) and healthy, and am very much hoping that I will hear I have passed my probationary period at my review next month, so that I can continue my journey with the company.

Were there any personal issues in relation to either my job satisfaction or my health, I of course wouldn’t hesitate to come to you directly.

Sincerely yours etc “

Chat with you manager tell them you happy settled within the company

We had this at work, individual concerned was trying to lever her friend into the role. Definitely clear the air with your manager, but don’t make it a witch hunt.

I would speak to your Manager before she twists another story again. Op be on your guard going forw. Dont tell her much either

I had a situation at work about 20 years ago when a woman lied that I said something I did not. I found out when a couple of people told me that management had talked to them. I went straight to see the manager who was supposedly gossiped about, and the manager doing the investigation, told them my side, stated that from then on I would ask them to check with me directly if they heard anything as I was happy to be honest with them, and that I had no idea why the person spreading the story was doing that. She got fired. Don't confront the story spreader, she will only lie or use it for more ammo. Talk directly the managers asap.

@NeverChange

Posted too soon.

Don't get into a he said/she said.

Your manager sussed it out and obviously found nothing worth raising with you.

If your manager mentions it or if probation becomes an issue then raise it. Ask if it is anything to do with some gossip that you heard recently as you don't get dragged I to gossip so thought it wasn't worth mentioning at that time.

Agree about not making unnecessary waves, but OP - be careful here, because you cannot be SURE that - Your manager sussed it out and obviously found nothing worth raising with you

The only thing you know for sure is that Woman A told you that Woman B invented some potentially damaging gossip.

Woman B may not have, & A is shitstirring.
In which case your manager may know nothing about it.
Or A may be correct ... this is why it's important to cover your arse with your manager.

Because ONE of these women is deliberately undermining you, You just don't know which one. Yet. Your manager may want to find out.
If they don't - you don't need to know either, because the gossip is now totally neutralised via your meeting with your manager.

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

I wouldn't get into a he said/ she said, they will find out what shes like soon enough.

I would say that it's been brought to your attention that there is a rumour that you're not happy and just want it on the record that you're happy. You've been completing the work set in the hours and hit kpis. You're not feeling stressed or worried, you're sleeping fine, you're not anxious, you've been carrying on as normal outside work, you're enjoying the role particularly x and y aspects and you're looking forward to the future. I'd say you think management are approachable and if there was an issue then youd try and solve it and approach them with suggestions, not just moan to colleagues. I would just sum up to say 'so its really odd why someone thinks I'm fed up, someone must have caught a glimpse of my resting bitch face, ha ha'. If they think you've got some issue with someone else they may just not take either of you on rather than try and sort it out

I agree with this approach.

Great advice above.

She has shown you who she is, absolute poison.

I would avoid one on one conversations with her from now on.

She is absolutely out to sabotage your position.

she told me that she had raised in her review with my manager about now she's been concerned that I have been having regular headaches and that she thinks something is wrong with me. I just had headaches as I was waiting for my new prescription glasses

This is the point really where you should have been clear with her that saying those things was really inappropriate.

Poor you OP - so unsettling.
Going forward, I'd roll back on sharing any personal information for while. Nothing about your health, personal circumstances, family. Not until this has blown over. IF someone is misusing information about you, I'd not share anything for a while. Just keep extra busy with work.

Some good advice here. Definitely speak to your line manager professionally and don’t broach it with the colleague, under any circumstances. Just explain how happy you are and how glad you’ve been to meet your targets. Give her a really wide berth.

Be direct and just ask your manger and set the record straight? Don’t get into a slanging match.