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Original poster

Partner didn’t say anything about new hair

42 replies

Pigeonette · 08/11/2021 15:10

Got some hair extensions so quite a different look. I’ve had them before, they’re not the best I’ve had but they’ll do for now.
Went home and my partner just smirked and didn’t say anything. He knew I was having it done, I know I did it for me, I don’t need his validation but I think it’s nice for partners to be supportive and show some acknowledgment.

Didn’t seem that interested in talking, just carried on watching his videos and so I did my own thing. Turned to me eventually and I asked him what he thought of it.
He didn’t say anything, just gave me a big smile and then it turned into a bit of a game I guess. He wouldn’t say a single word about it and I said ‘Just wait until you get your hair done eh’ in a hokey way.
Then he replied, “Well I don’t really need your opinion on it usually’ and I said he didn’t have to.
Then in the end he said ‘Nah it looks alright’.

Dunno if I’m being a bit sensitive but just reminded me of an ex, I’d gotten an asymmetrical cut and he told me it made me look like an old woman, then I heard him sniggering with his sister saying “wtf is that hair”.

I coloured my hair red and my current partner said he preferred brown but I know that’s just his opinion, I still kept the red.

OP posts:
SW1amp · 08/11/2021 15:13

If you are this sensitive about other peoples' opinions of your hair, it probably isn't the best idea to keep going for quite dramatic changes because it clearly upsets you when you don't get the reaction and validation you are after

Nothing wrong with getting the hair you want, but do it for you, not because you want people around you to fawn and give compliments...

If you want compliments, probably better to play it safe with the hair styles

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/11/2021 15:16

Why are you so bothered about what other people think about your hair?

If YOU like it, then fuck 'em.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/11/2021 15:18

Is he usually nice to you? Says kind things? Makes you feel good about yourself?

The whole exchange screams poor communication.

PigeonPigPie · 08/11/2021 15:19

Sounds like he doesn't think it looks great but didn't want to say so to you? Would you prefer he'd lied?

grapewine · 08/11/2021 15:21

I mean, maybe he didn't like it and decided not to comment until you pushed? You said yourself they don't look great. Let it go.

Original poster
Pigeonette · 08/11/2021 15:21

If he doesn’t really like it then it’s totally ok, I did it for me, as I mentioned with the hair colour, but to not say anything in acknowledgment

OP posts:
Original poster
Pigeonette · 08/11/2021 15:22

I didn’t really push it either, I asked what do you think once

OP posts:
TinnedPotatoesRock · 08/11/2021 15:22

OP isn't looking for validation, she just wanted her partner to notice. He might not have liked it but he didn't need to smirk and then avoid the question when asked...sounds like he was trying to wind her up a little. DP shaved his beard off last week, I really dislike it, he looks completely different and not in a good way but I didn't tell him that, I told a white lie rather than make him feel bad.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/11/2021 15:23

The whole smiling silently makes him sound like a twat. Is he?

starrynight87 · 08/11/2021 15:23

I wouldn't have liked the smirking.

User527294627 · 08/11/2021 15:24

He just doesn't sound very nice? It's not like he just didn't notice, which I think is forgiveable. It's the fact that it seems like he was trying to make you feel awkward and insecure about it. I totally see why you're a bit upset about it, it just doesn't sound like a nice exchange.

PinkiOcelot · 08/11/2021 15:25

I might be wrong, but it doesn’t look like he likes it.

Original poster
Pigeonette · 08/11/2021 15:25

So if your partner walked in with a totally different style you’d just say nothing at all and ignore it ? Really ?

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 08/11/2021 15:28

I have no idea why you started this post with the title
Partner didn’t say anything about new hair

When you literally state towards the end that
he said ‘Nah it looks alright’

I mean, WTAF? He said it looks alright, that is saying something.

user1493494961 · 08/11/2021 15:30

He obviously didn't like it.

PurpleOkapi · 08/11/2021 15:31

If you did it for yourself, none of this should matter. Maybe he doesn't like the way it looks, and prefers the old style. There's nothing wrong with that, nor is there anything wrong with him declining to volunteer it, but also not wanting to lie and say he likes it. You like it, and that's what matters.

BreadPita · 08/11/2021 15:33

@Pigeonette

So if your partner walked in with a totally different style you’d just say nothing at all and ignore it ? Really ?
If I had nothing nice to say, I probably wouldn't. It sounds like he doesn't like it and doesn't want to start a conversation that will lead to telling you that
Aderyn21 · 08/11/2021 15:33

I don’t like this kind of game playing. It feels manipulative

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 08/11/2021 15:34

Friend of mine used to put her hair appointments on the kitchen calendar, DH dutifully commented each time that ‘your hair looks nice love’ until the day her appointment had been cancelled and he didnt know and still said it 😁

PlausibleSuit · 08/11/2021 15:40

Reading slightly between the lines here -- if you're someone who changes their hair cut, style and colour a lot, maybe your partner is aware of that and doesn't want to make remarks because he knows you'll only change it again in a few weeks' time?

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 08/11/2021 15:42

The problem is if he didn't like them he'd know by acknowledging them that it would open him up to having to give his thoughts on them. How should he even acknowledge them anyway, if he gates them? "Oh, you've had your hair done?" seems a bit patronising and unneeded, because you say he knew you were having them done, so if he said that he could have been criticised for "not listening". Obviously if this is consistent with him, with him not exes, them it sounds a bit worse, but if he's usually complimentary and treats you well then it's an OK response, because you'd have felt much worse if he'd told you what he really thought if it was negative.

Original poster
Pigeonette · 08/11/2021 15:44

Thanks for the replies. Yeah I suppose it doesn’t really matter if he doesn’t like it as long as I do

OP posts:
User527294627 · 08/11/2021 15:45

Why are people acting like OP's boyfriend saying 'your hair looks nice' without actually meaning it is the moral equivalent of Proctor giving up his name in the Crucible?

Calm your jets, team. You aren't going to spend an eternity in fiery torment for telling people they look nice when you don't actually love their hair.

FateHasRedesignedMost · 08/11/2021 15:49

You say in your OP they’re ‘not the best’ extensions, what do you mean? That they don’t match/blend in with your natural hair? Or they’re synthetic and look unrealistic? Or the hairdresser didn’t attach/hide them well/trim them to a flattering length?

If you’re not impressed with them why do you expect your DH to be?

It’s a bit odd he said nothing, but hair extensions are expensive, damaging to your natural hair and maybe he doesn’t think they’re worth it. Or he can’t understand why you’d make a drastic change?

Just because he has no opinion or a less than enthusiastic one doesn’t mean they look awful. Lots of people are a bit squeamish about extensions.

MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 08/11/2021 15:50

I could shave my head and dye my scalp purple like a billiard ball and I doubt my dp would notice...... If I bothered to ask he'd probably mutter ' it looks alright' after squinting at it trying to work out what he's looking at.

Why do you care so much should be what youre asking.