Aibu to not buy them Christmas presents

[Allaboutthecake]

A couple of years ago my brother left his wife and three teenage children and went off with another woman who has three very young boys. His own children will now have nothing to do with him. He now lives with the other woman and her children. We’ve never met the children and we only see my brother and his girlfriend every two or three months.

When they got together we made a huge effort to be friendly and as such we bought her children Christmas presents. I put a huge amount of effort into thinking what to buy them and also did a little gift bag of Christmas goodies, ie chocolate and sweets for them each. We didn’t even get a thank you for the presents. We did the same the following year and still no thank you. To be honest I’m pretty pissed off about it. These are children that we don’t have any interest in, as they are not our nephews but we felt we should make an effort.

Given the lack of previous thank yous, would I be unreasonable to just not buy the boys any Christmas presents this year. We don’t really exchange personal presents with my brother, usually just wine and chocolate and we’ll continue to do that.

I’m a being a bitch or is it ok to leave the boys out of it.

I’d buy them a tin of chocolates between them token gift and you thought about them.

That’s all that’s required.

Sorry I say this as step dads mother used to do the same and we looked forward to opening the tin! Met her maybe 6 times in 15 years! She used to send cream eggs at Easter as well. I always thought well of her.

We don’t buy for actual nieces and nephews. So I absolutely wouldn’t.

Stop the gifts and just hand over a selection box for each with the wine or give a big family tub of celebrations with the wine x

Just get a family gift. Chocolates biscuits etc.

Or don't bother. If you've never met them they won't notice the difference or get upset if you stop now.

I stopped buying my nieces and nephews gifts for the same reason. Not really there fault it's on the parents to teach manners. I just send a family gift now like a hamper. I still barely get a thank you but works out much cheaper for me.

Family gift of chocolates - add wine for grown-ups if you want. I’m sure the kids get plenty from others so don’t worry about it.

Tin of chocolates or biscuits.

Yep, three selection boxes, don’t give it any more headspace.

I wouldn't because I think children with parents buying them gifts get plenty and don't need presents from everyone connected to the family.

But I would never give a gift on the proviso I received a thank you, give with an open heart or don't give at all.

It’s a real bugbear of mine, buying for relatives.
We don’t see my DH’s siblings, we’d only ever see them at a funeral and It’s been about 5 years since the last one.
They are adults with plenty of money and can buy whatever they want, they are also retired. Yet ever year DH insists on sending expensive presents, and they go on a credit card. I absolutely hate it.
They send alcohol, and my DH is reliant on alcohol. It’s frustrated a waste.

When you say no thank you - do you mean no verbal thank you when you handed them over or no written after-the-event thank you?

Spent it on your actual nephews they don't sound like nice people.

Just a tin of chocolates if anything. Your DB should at least thank you!

Echo everyone up thread generic family gift of chocolates. If you were thinking specifically for kid stuff a family board game depending on age of kids something like frustration has a wide age span but only if you wanted to.
I get nothing for my extended famlies. My family is too big so dont bother

So you’ve never met these kids sent them gifts and have never received a thank you, but did you talk to the girlfriend before doing so or did it of your own accord?

You've never met them
Whose life would it change?

Just tell your brother that you are not buying presents

I'd just buy them a selection box each.

@PicaK

When you say no thank you - do you mean no verbal thank you when you handed them over or no written after-the-event thank you?

There was likely a thanks when they were handed over to my brother but absolutely no mention of them afterwards.

@50ShadesOfCatholic I’m not expecting the earth. It’s manners to say thank you. A two second “thanks for the kids’ presents” afterwards is not too much to expect (I don’t think so anyway).

@phoenixrosehere never met them but when my brother got together with her I wanted to make an effort. I didn’t discuss with the girlfriend before whether I should buy her boys presents, I just thought it was a nice thing to do. I also didn’t know at that initial stage how involved we would be with them. I’m more than happy to not be involved with them and just wanted some advice really on whether it was ok to stop the presents.

Jack it in.
They're bloody rude.

Maybe the kids are finding it a bit awkward as they've no idea who you are really. The parents might not know how to tell you politely to stop?

a family board game depending on age of kids something like frustration
Frustration sounds appropriate in the circumstances

Stop the presents -it was really lovely of you but not necessary if there has been no recognition or thanks -or effort by them to introduce you etc.
Agree with all the pps who suggest a choc box bc I feel a bit bad for kids... and means your brother is unlikely to ask how come the kids aren't getting anything this year...