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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Visiting a newborn with a cold

44 replies

Lula63 · 07/11/2021 08:05

Baby is 2 weeks old and just starting to overcome jaundice. I had complications in pregnancy which meant baby had complications post birth relating to an issue with his blood. He has been back to the hospital twice since discharge, at their request, to repeat tests and monitor him. I mention this to give context as to why I might sound a bit OTT.

DH friend visited in the week with their two DC to meet the baby and congratulate us, failing to mention the DC had a cold. It wasn't immediately obvious and by the time I noticed a snotty nose - DC had already been breathing all over baby.

Low and behold I've caught it and I've no doubt baby will follow soon, he's quite unsettled in himself so it's probably already starting.

Would you be annoyed in this scenario? I know colds are everywhere but what is just a cold for some can be RSV and dangerous to tiny babies, bronchilitis etc.

OP posts:
miniona · 07/11/2021 08:12

Congratulations on your baby, and sorry there have been complications.

You cannot realistically know that it was that child which gave you a cold, you have been in and out of hospital.

I understand why you are upset though and think it was inappropriate of DH friends to bring a child with a cough. I don't think there is any value in confronting them now though. I think before all future visitors you could send a message before they come to ensure everyone is well before they visit the new baby (although agree that it shouldn't be necessary and decent people wouldn't come to a new baby with a contagious illness).

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 07/11/2021 08:12

I have a three week old and this wouldn’t bother me at all. I also have a four and three year old though who potentially are going to catch colds and breathe all over the baby so maybe that skews my opinion.

DancingintheSpoonlight · 07/11/2021 08:13

YANBU. Yes people are excited to meet new babies, but I don't understand why they can't wait an extra week or so when they/DC are obviously unwell. You can't avoid all germs but a snotty nose is obvious enough to think "nah we'll wait".

Have had same issue while I'm heavily pregnant Halloween Hmm

Hope you and little one are okay! And congrats!!

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 07/11/2021 08:15

Yeah I woul be quite annoyed tbh, there's very little medicines you can give you a tiny newborn and intentionally bringing an ill child visiting is a bit selfish.

I do agree its less of an issue if its the new baby's sibling!

Original poster
Lula63 · 07/11/2021 08:19

RE when siblings pass on colds etc from nursery, I have purposely kept my older DC home from nursery for the past 3 weeks just to avoid something like this. I might aswell had just send them hadn't I? Ugh i hope it's a short lived one Sad

Thank you for the congratulations!

OP posts:
josssie · 07/11/2021 08:19

Congratulations on baby 🥳 Yes I'd be annoyed too but people just don't think when they're excited!
Have you tried lavender oil on bedding to help with breathing it's a natural relaxant and safe for you and baby.
Hope you get well soon 🙏

Original poster
Lula63 · 07/11/2021 09:24

I haven't tried lavender oil no but will definitely look into it, thank you.

I was in two minds whether to say anything to DH about how careless they were. I think I will, if only to cement the fact I don't want sick people visiting again in the near future.

I woke up covered in sweat during the night but put it down to the fleece bedding. Now my nose is burning and my eyes are all puffy and red, whatever it is, it takes hold quickly.

I have some covid tests in the cupboard I'll take one just to be on the safe side.

OP posts:
Arghlife · 07/11/2021 09:28

I get really frustrated when I hear about people visiting a newborn when they're ill. I was meant to visit my friends baby and I had a cold so I cancelled it myself. I would expect the same level of respect back. It's different if siblings or even if yourself is ill, you live there. Anyone who doesn't live in the same home can delay their visit.

Nellesbelles · 07/11/2021 09:34

YANBU. I felt the same when my nephews came round when my DD was 2 weeks old and then two days later came out with hand, foot and mouth and my SIL said she did think they seemed under the weather. That being said, babies are going to be exposed to all sorts no matter what we do really so maybe try not to let it worry you too much.

SmellyOldOwls · 07/11/2021 09:37

YANBU but equally, unless you keep your newborn in a hermetically sealed bubble they are going to get colds so no point getting angry about it.

Twickerhun · 07/11/2021 09:39

This happened to me, SIL had a horrific cold and came to visit. Baby got cold and really suffered as was too young for pain relief or much help, I was also very ill and struggled to get better what with the lack of sleep .

I have never forgiven SIL.

Twickerhun · 07/11/2021 09:39

SIL is on here - if you read this know that this is why I am a cow to you.

hazelnutpraline · 07/11/2021 09:41

My stepdad came to visit a couple of weeks after dd was born (he’d seen her before that few times) and mentioned he had a cold. I asked him to leave, nicely, but I don’t regret it at all and would do it again. There’s no point taking a risk with very young babies on top of the risks you can’t control.

Original poster
Lula63 · 07/11/2021 09:44

Thanks for not thinking I'm being ridiculous. It's just so inconsiderate. I just hope baby doesn't suffer too badly.

Like others, whenever I've been unwell I've cancelled visits to friends and family who have new babies in the house.

Selfishly, I'm also a bit pissed off that I have to deal with feeling like crap and sneezing 2 weeks after a c section because it bloody hurts.

OP posts:
Boshmama · 07/11/2021 09:50

Not at all unreasonable

My SIL turned up with DN 7 who was fawning all over DS then mentioned he had a cold sore coming through! I’ve never forgiven her

Amberflames · 07/11/2021 10:26

Are you sure the child had a cold? Some kids (one of mine included) seem to have a constant snotty nose.

Original poster
Lula63 · 07/11/2021 11:02

@Amberflames

Are you sure the child had a cold? Some kids (one of mine included) seem to have a constant snotty nose.
I'm pretty sure yes, it became quite obvious the longer they were here.
OP posts:
2021mumma · 07/11/2021 11:12

Yes you are right to be annoyed. My teenage niece did the same - came round with a cold when we specified in advance anyone who was ill do not come. She was wiping her nose with her fingers and then touching babies face I was furious.

Russell19 · 07/11/2021 16:33

I'd be so pisssed off if I was you OP. Some people just don't think. Not sure I'd say anything though.

Saoirse82 · 07/11/2021 16:47

I would be really pissed off. People should not be visiting a newborn with any respiratory illnesses. Their immune systems aren't fully developed. Of course it can't always be avoided especially if you have other DC but even when the health visitor came out to me she advised me to limit the amount of visitors at the beginning, especially at this time of year when there are lots of nasties doing the rounds. I hope that one thing we'll have learnt from covid is that hordes of visitors are not good for a newborn or an exhausted new mum.

MRex · 07/11/2021 16:53

I'd be pissed off too OP, anyone should know not to do it. We waited ages to meet a DN due to endless snotty noses, meantime a "friend" went round there with an undeclared heavy cold and made him very poorly. His parents are rightly annoyed as well as worried. It's so selfish with tiny newborns who don't even know how to blow their nose yet.

Delatron · 07/11/2021 16:58

Oh I feel your pain. I had the same with DS. I was about 3 days out of the hospital with a jaundice baby and DH’s friend came over with a cold. And the worst was he just stayed all evening like it was a social event! Sat drinking on the sofa! I’m still a bit cross 13 years later.

People just don’t think.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 07/11/2021 17:03

Yanbu I saw my dgd for the first time on the Sunday 3 days after she was born then came down with an horrendous cold that night, I was really worried she'd get it. Didn't see her again for 3 weeks until I was totally better

Chelyanne · 07/11/2021 17:10

I would wait to visit a new baby if any of us had symptoms of illness. It's horrid when very small ones get ill.
Our almost 3mth old baby has had a few sniffles since being born but we have 5 school aged children so unavoidable really.

MrsColon · 07/11/2021 17:12

@Boshmama

Not at all unreasonable

My SIL turned up with DN 7 who was fawning all over DS then mentioned he had a cold sore coming through! I’ve never forgiven her

Shock that's insane! Herpes simplex can (and has!) kill newborns Sad