Contribution to firework party

[BBtie]

So am interested in thoughts. Invited a group of three sets of parents and children, from children’s school, with whom we are pretty good friends, around for fireworks and some food. Catered the children and grown ups with a nice meal and said we will have some fireworks so bring selves, booze and sparklers and, don’t worry about fireworks. Of three families invited one bought a nice firework to contribute (lovely for sure but not obligatory) plus sparklers, and two turned up with booze for parents and nothing else including sparklers for their kids. When sparkler time came though, all out ready for sparklers so the two families who contributed (us plus the other family who came with sparklers and a firework) ended up giving ours to the other 2 families who bought nothing. I guess the fairest way to deal with would be to call kids whose families brought them sparklers forward but we felt a bit bad and now feel it’s a bit rude that some families turned up worth sod all but took other families’ hospitality for granted. Sparklers cost 2 quid max. My feeling is to turn up, eat a nice meal, watch fireworks and then also take others’ sparklers, bringing nothing to contribute for is rude. Thoughts?

In my opinion if you invite, you supply food, drinks and anything else that's relevant, in this case, sparklers and fireworks.

I think some comments here are a bit mean. You did a really nice thing OP in hosting a firework party for six friends plus their children. Providing a meal and fireworks will have cost a lot of time, money, effort and stress, so all credit to you. To me, if people arrived and apologised for not having bought the sparklers as asked, I wouldn’t give it a moment’s thought. If they arrived without them and didn’t mention it when I’d specifically asked them to bring them I might be momentarily irritated especially if I was tired with rushing around doing everything and had the pressure of hosting. You also will have been cross with yourself that you didn’t get more sparklers and had relied on your friends to do as you’d asked. I understand your frustration. Anyway, you did everything right by sharing round the sparklers and as long as everyone had a great time, that’s all that really matters which I’m sure they did!

I think as the host, you should have bought sparklers.

But if one family only brought enough sparklers for their kids, that's out of order, IMHO. If you bring something to a party, you bring enough to share, or not at all.

If what you really mean is all the kids got to play with sparklers, but some of the kids' parents didn't buy them, again, YABU. If you wanted people to bring specific items in specific quantities, that should have been on the invite.

You clearly had enough sparklers for everyone so there's no issue.

Sorry, just re-read that - clearly I'm still half-asleep - you did say to bring sparklers. In which case, I think, yes, the family who didn't bring them should have at least had the decency to feel embarrassed!

I do think it would have made more sense for you to buy them though, TBH. If you were getting the main fireworks in, more sense to delegate bringing booze/food to the other guests, especially as not bringing booze wouldn't go noticed by the kids.

We had two other families come to ours last night.

One family brought sparklers and giant marshmallows.

The other family brought nothing.

We did food (hot dogs, pie & peas, apple crumble, parkin), drinks (hot choc, cans of pop and fruit shoots) fireworks and sparklers.

I couldn’t care less if people bring stuff, I asked them so we could spend time together not for their contribution.

That said, the neighbours fireworks were appreciated, we could see some pretty awesome ones on all sides as we are between two venues who had big displays.

Tried to buy sparklers this week. Went to supermarket to find they wouldn't sell them before 12. Went back at 2 and they had sold out.

If it was my party I would have bought sparklers for all. I wouldn't ask anyone to bring anything. Well-mannered people would turn up with booze but I wouldn't judge anyone who came empty-handed.

I don't think you are cut out for hosting OP. You sound very bitter and ungenerous of spirit.

I wouldn't know where to but sparklers from.

But even if I did, I assume a text that says "bring booze and sparklers" is more of a suggestion than a demand. And if for some reason I couldn't get sparklers I'd assume it would still be OK to show up.

I think its quite mean spirited to be pissed off with your "friends" because they forgot some sparklers/didn't follow your rules.

Did you actually enjoy the party or was it spoiled because you were quietly stewing? Focus on what went well and let the rest go.

Everyone brought something, booze or sparklers. There was enough. What's the problem? Sounds completely normal and nice.

You sound like a micromanager who wants to control the detail of other people's thoughts and actions, more than is reasonably possible. Relax. You'll be happier.

Meh. I wouldn't even have noticed who brought what. As long as there's enough to go round, who cares?

Unless the families in question have form for being stingy spongers I wouldn't have given this a thought.

So were there enough sparklers?

But you couldn't give as many to your kids as planned?

I think you are over reacting! It's not like they came empty handed, they brougt booze. They probably forgot or mixed it up with the you don't need to bring fireworks..... I would think less of them if they had brought just a pack of sparklers!

Why bother inviting anyone around ever if you then nitpick over their contribution.

I would suggest you go to organised dos next time then you can keep it all absolutely 100% fair.

I bet you're the sort of school mum who excitedly gets involved with raffle tickets selling or Xmas fayre organising then moans when others don't..

I’m so confused about what the actual issue is here, let alone why it’s enough of an issue to make a Mumsnet thread about.

You wanted all the kids to use sparklers provided by their own parents instead of sharing the ones you had bought (at a couple of quid a pack, as you say)? You thought the kids whose parents didn’t bring sparklers should go without, but then you grudgingly shared with them in the end, but stewed about it enough that you had to post about it here the next day? Have I got this right?

Why all the beef over a pack of sparklers?!

OP here, not sure how I changed name. The comments are useful and I clearly got knickers in a knot unnecessarily. Lesson learned. And was a bit drunk last night when posted!

Seriously? They are packs of 10 surely there was enough to share and everyone got a go. FWIW I went to three supermarkets after work last night and sparklers were sold out.

I always thought that if you're hosting you provide everything.
Guests may bring a round a bottle or cake or whatever as a nice gesture/token of thanks etc, but that's a bonus and not to be expected.

So they forgot a couple of sparklers? Not seeing the issue

@MNK123

OP here, not sure how I changed name. The comments are useful and I clearly got knickers in a knot unnecessarily. Lesson learned. And was a bit drunk last night when posted!

Gracious response OP To be honest I suppose a lack of “oh sorry we didn’t have sparklers thanks so much for sharing” vs an expectation to share might have grated but people are busy, sparkler are hard to buy, they probably didn’t even remember they were meant to bring. I hope your evening otherwise went well and no one actually fell out over the sparklers

@MNK123

OP here, not sure how I changed name. The comments are useful and I clearly got knickers in a knot unnecessarily. Lesson learned. And was a bit drunk last night when posted!

Hehe hope the heads ok today. I think if it was people I didn't like much or had history of being a bit cheeky then yeah I'd be annoyed.

Someone admitted they’d made a mistake on AIBU? Wtf?

OP, you’re doing it wrong. Could you repost saying that actually you are right, you made everyone without sparklers stand and face the wall and you will be reporting them all to SS?

Definitely cheeky fucker territory with regards to your so called friends.
Who on earth turns up to a family bonfire party empty handed, especially with no sparklers? That’s so inconsiderate.

If we’re invited to a small family organised fireworks display, we’d definitely take some fireworks and sparklers as a minimum contribution, plus some food too.

As someone in their late 50’s, that’s been standard firework party etiquette for as long as I can remember. Back in the 70’s, I remember our neighbours used to get together and organise a big bonfire on the land opposite our road and about a dozen families would get involved. Dads setting up the big fire and lighting fireworks and the mums getting the food; mushy peas, bonfire tuffy etc.

There does seem to be a marked decline in good manners amongst certain groups of society. It’s now all ‘me first’ rather than ‘no, you go first’.

Gosh weirdness about hosting here! Do some people never host because it’s a massive outlay to be some kind of perfect super generous host? What do you do if you aren’t affluent?

I’d rather have an easy-going social life where we all chip in to make things happen. Big families, we always share the weight of the effort. Everyone brings food or whatever is needed. The host I guess is still coordinating the lot, cleaning the house, sourcing enough tables or a big enough bbq or something abs everyone is grateful for that.

Some people here sound like they are as difficult to have round as hosting the Queen or king back in the Middle Ages…