Play Dates and Favourite Toys, I don’t think I’m UR?

[PlayDateURMe]

DD had a play date last night with her best friend from school. Yesterday morning I told her to put her 3 favourite toys away in my room out of the way.

They all have special meaning to her:

• Her favourite cannot sleep without teddy
• A soft toy bought by her Year 2 teacher and classmates when she had some medical treatment (Some of the children will have put money in for the toy as there's been a similar collection recently for another child for similar reasons)
• A ragdoll handmade by her great grandmother (who died last year so will never be able to make another or see DD play with it again – it’s played with daily usually, if DD ruined it I’d be sad but think it’s one of those things, another child is different).

The girls are 7, Year 3. I thought this was perfectly reasonable thing to do, put away toys we don’t want messed with. There were literally loads of other toys from all categories to play with including dolls and soft toys.

According to the friends mum I am very UR for not letting DD show all her toys to her DD, as her DD might have wanted to play with them. Apparently when DD went to their house a few weeks ago all her friends toys where out for DD to play with. She says it doesn’t show DD as a very good friend if she doesn’t trust her friend to not damage her things.

For added context both DD and her friend have SN (different SNs but still), her friend can be quite rough, not intentionally or maliciously but because of her SN but I would have put these 3 toys away whether it was this girl or another child coming for a playdate.

So AIBU to have put the toys away?

I used to do the same but why did the other child need to be told there were toys she couldn’t play with?

No you’re not unreasonable, I would be pleased if a friend of my DD’s put her most precious toys away during a play date as I wouldn’t want my DD to damage them. How did the other mum find out?

Friends mum needs to get a grip. It's perfectly normal and sensible. Why's she getting involved in what the kids play anyway? Bizarre to complain about this!

I take it the friends mum is fine with you going round to their house and rifling through her underwear and jewelry drawers and bedside tables etc? I thought not. Being a 'good friend' can mean a lot of things to different people but very few people interpret it as complete access to all the other persons life and things and that they're not allowed any boundaries.

We had a party a few weeks ago, we put a lot of toys away. I dont think it would have helped the party atmosphere if delicate things got broken or toys designed for one person were fought over

I always did this, anything precious/delicate/special to be put away so that all toys left available can be shared nicely.

The other mum is being very very very weird. Did she literally say these things to your face? How did you respond?

Ask her if you can come to her house and have a rummage through her knicker drawer. That might help her to understand that it’s normal for people to have privacy and boundaries.

DD told her friend over lunch, it sounds very like something DD would do innocently say "I put some toys in mums room" when asked about specific toys, the child was in DDs class when she had the medical treatment so she may even have asked DD directly where that one was.

@PlayDateURMe

DD told her friend over lunch, it sounds very like something DD would do innocently say "I put some toys in mums room" when asked about specific toys, the child was in DDs class when she had the medical treatment so she may even have asked DD directly where that one was.

So is it the mum who has said these things to you, or the girl relaying what her mum thinks of it.

Because if it’s the latter I think you can take it with a HUGE punch of salt.

@iwishiwasafish the mum text me after school saying her DD had said my DD put some toys in my room away from her.

Friend's mum is being ridiculous and it's nothing to do with SN or not. I would guess she's fretting about something else and try to pretend she didn't say anything.

Perfectly normal thing to do imo. Both my DC had a couple of "special" toys that they were never expected to share. Even with each other.

I'm completely with you on this. Ignore her.

The other mum is BU. Cant believe she would even text about that. Surely a "thanks for having Sarah today" text would have been enough

I’d be stepping well away from that mum. She sounds very unreasonable.

Friend's mum is being incredibly U but, I wonder did she feel it was because of her child specifically they were put away rather than as a general thing your daughter, very reasonably does? It's her issue anyway, not yours. You did nothing wrong.

The other mum needs to pipe down, fancy texting you about this afterwards!

The friend’s mum is being next level unreasonable. How absolutely embarrassing for her.

Ignore the text. If she brings it up again, say you ignored it to spare her further embarrassment, and to move swiftly on.

Bloody hell, doesn’t she have matters of actual importance to concern herself with?

She’s being batshit. Of course you can put precious toys away. That’s just sensible and isn’t any sort of criticism of her daughter.

I always used to do this with special toys. There were plenty of other things to share on play dates. The other mum is being ridiculous.

the mum text me after school saying her DD had said my DD put some toys in my room away from her.

I'm guessing she took offense to it as felt you were making a point about her daughter's behavior. As her daughter has SEN she may be very sensitive to what she feels is criticism of her behavior. Why not just text her back and say "it's nothing personal, they are heirloom items we never let anyone but DD play with, same for every play date she has. I hope your dd didn't feel she was being singled out as that is not the case at all. The girls had fun and be lovely to have her over again soon"

I always used to put certain toys away!! My kids are quite a bit older now (13&9) but I still put the Nerf stuff away when my DBIL brings his children round!!

@Icebreaker99

the mum text me after school saying her DD had said my DD put some toys in my room away from her.

I'm guessing she took offense to it as felt you were making a point about her daughter's behavior. As her daughter has SEN she may be very sensitive to what she feels is criticism of her behavior. Why not just text her back and say "it's nothing personal, they are heirloom items we never let anyone but DD play with, same for every play date she has. I hope your dd didn't feel she was being singled out as that is not the case at all. The girls had fun and be lovely to have her over again soon"

Thats a good idea and probably right, I know the mum was upset a few weeks ago that her DD didn't get invited to a party of a child she thought was her friend so could be reacting badly to a perceived issue.

@AssemblySquare

I always used to put certain toys away!! My kids are quite a bit older now (13&9) but I still put the Nerf stuff away when my DBIL brings his children round!!

I put the ragdoll away when my cousins DC come over because they love the doll and want it was made by my ExHs grandmother so they don't have one

Yes, that's what I was getting at above. PP's reply is perfect.

It’s a totally sensible thing to do.
Did you explain why you’d done it and these are sentimental and irreplaceable?
They’re also not the most interesting of toys to a visiting friend. It’s not like you hid all the best dolls/Lego/scooter etc etc