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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I priority enough for priority seats?

41 replies

Nearthelooplease · 05/11/2021 17:05

I travel to work each day on the train, about a 40 minute journey each way. I’m currently 9 week pregnant and suffering from morning/evening sickness. I have thankfully managed to avoid being sick on the train so far but I’m very worried about it happening. The train journey in the morning is OK as the train is fairly quiet, so I just find a seat very close to the loo, but the journey back is horrendously busy. Several of the seats closest to the loo are priority seats and I do sit in those sometimes if they are free and the non priority ones close to the loo are full.

I’m just wondering really whether this is an ‘adequate’ reason for sitting in them and, if someone else who needed one of the seats ever asked me to move, whether it would be really obnoxious of me to ask them to ask someone else in a priority seat instead? Obviously if nobody moved (or everyone sat in them needed them) then I would move. I wouldn’t allow someone who physically needed the seat to not have one as it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I threw up somewhere other than the loo… I’d just rather not Blush

I have name changed for this just in case everyone thinks I’m a terrible human being for even considering it. I have heard people in real life say that they wouldn’t offer their seat to a heavily pregnant woman as it’s their choice to have a baby, so I’m not sure how people would feel about morning sickness!

OP posts:
ThePlantsitter · 05/11/2021 17:09

I don't know where you live that people are actually nice enough to leave the priority seats free! But sunny overthink it. You need the seat, you don't have to open up your life to public judgement. As to those who don't give up seats to pregnant women because it's a lifestyle choice, fuck them and here's hoping they don't need the tax the unborn babies pay as adults!!

PlanDeRaccordement · 05/11/2021 17:09

Of course you can use them. If you are in U.K. I think there is even a badge you can get for free that says “please offer me a seat” for pregnant women and people with hidden disabilities. It saves you having to be challenged or explain yourself.

tfl.gov.uk/transport-accessibility/please-offer-me-a-seat

Twizbe · 05/11/2021 17:11

Priority seats are for pregnant women too.

I had a baby on board badge that I wore on the train when commuting.

I'd ask for a seat as well, even when not obviously pregnant. Like you I suffered from nausea during my commutes and would often feel light headed.

ImUninsultable · 05/11/2021 17:14

Some drunk guy out with his son kicked me out of a priority seat when I was pregnant. I was sitting with my bag on my lap when he barked at me to move for his little kid. I said I was pregnant and needed the seat. He said, "you dont look pregnant. Get up or I'll hope you enjoy a disability later" or something like that. He was drunk and slurring.
I moved because I was actually scared but when I moved my bag, everyone could see I was pregnant and no one said anything. Very much a moment for then to avert their eyes and pretend it wasnt happening. No one offered me another seat either.

So I am saying, take the deat and stay in it no matter what!

Original poster
Nearthelooplease · 05/11/2021 17:14

This all makes me feel better, thank you!

I have seen the baby on board badge but I’m trying to avoid using one at the moment. Lots of people I work with get the same train and I haven’t told people at work yet.

OP posts:
londonrach · 05/11/2021 17:19

Baby on board badge but tbh I'd just ask....I was 30 weeks doing the train daily and when no one let me have a sit (I was on verge of falling and in corridor) I pressed the bottom to talk to conductor.....at next stop conductor walked me to first class and offered me a drink and sandwiches and I had the best trip home. I actually made A decision that day to go on maternity leave but I never forget that kind conductor but your fellow passengers won't know without the badge. Just ask and explain.

TractorAndHeadphones · 05/11/2021 17:20

Just sit in it and say you feel nauseous. No need to say why.
Also offering a pregnant woman a seat is a nice thing to do if you don’t need it as much as they do!
On a multi hour train journey even i wouldn’t (not that selfless) but have done so everywhere else. Not nice to be mean about it saying that it’s their ‘choice’ to have a baby.

SeasonFinale · 05/11/2021 17:24

Sit in it. If anyone asks or tries to force you out just mention there is a reason why you are using it that you do not have to disclose to random strangers.

hotmeatymilk · 05/11/2021 17:27

Sit! Or ask to sit if it’s full! It’s there for you!

And as a fellow passenger I’d rather you threw up in the loo than the carriage

girlmom21 · 05/11/2021 17:28

I got on a bus with my DP and DD when I was 7 months pregnant. DD(2yo) told me to sit down in one of the seats behind the driver and I told her I was waiting to see if anyone got on who needed it.

Then I remembered I'm 7 months pregnant - I am literally the kind of person they're designed for!

I don't think I'd ever ask for a seat though because I would like to think people wouldn't use them if they didn't need them and knowing my luck I'd ask someone who needed the seat much more than I did

hotelharibo · 05/11/2021 17:30

Definitely sit in it!

Also carry plastic bag and wipes just in case. Made me feel better knowing I had a bag to be sick in if needed

IncessantNameChanger · 05/11/2021 17:34

I have a disabled child I wouldnt be upset if a pregnant lady was taking up a priority seat. I never felt the need to sit down myself when pg but I realise I was lucky. I think you sound like you need the seat.

Plus who wants to see you running to loo being sick. Poor thing.

Congratulations

Againstmachine · 05/11/2021 17:39

If they are free sit in them, but move if they are needed by someone more needy,.don't tell someone to ask someone else though, and whilst you are pregnant you aren't that far along.

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 05/11/2021 17:40

I found I needed the seats more in the early weeks than later on so was grateful for my baby on board badge. Once even a woman with her leg in plaster tried to give up her seat for me. She was the only one who did though. I also encountered a drunk man who, when I asked said he had as much right as me. I think as long as you're not asking some little old lady to stand up you are not being unreasonable!

Polmuggle · 05/11/2021 17:41

Get a badge and wear it under a scarf/coat then flash it if you need to!

TrashyPanda · 05/11/2021 17:42

You need the seat, so you are entitled to use it.

Lockdowndramaqueen · 05/11/2021 17:42

I never felt worse than in the first 12-14 weeks on my first pregnancy which was pre the whole badge declaring you are pregnant thing. Wanted to scream every morning on my commute I am going to throw up on your lap please let me sit down. Def use the priority seats you are pregnant! Conversely by the time I was 8 months pregnant and being offered seats left right and centre I felt great and energised an didn’t need one. Good luck and hopefully it won’t last too long.

emergencygapjumper · 05/11/2021 17:44

Definitely get the baby on board badge as soon as you feel confident, it makes life so much easier. I got mine straight away as I also felt terrible in first trimester. No one ever offers me a seat, but at least no one scowls at me to get up! 😂 Isn't London lovely!

emergencygapjumper · 05/11/2021 17:47

Also, people just aren't nice or careful and will barge in to you. You don't notice til you're pregnant so it really is best just to sit down.

gogohm · 05/11/2021 17:51

I commuted on packed trains throughout pregnancy and it was horrible, never got a seat because it was hard enough getting onto the train, some days you had to wait for the next one (every 8 mins at that time of day) no chance of a priority seat as you couldn't get to them. If there is one free take it!

lovingnewme · 05/11/2021 17:55

You are definitely priority in my eyes, and I would hope most people's eyes.

Ozanj · 05/11/2021 18:01

@Nearthelooplease

I travel to work each day on the train, about a 40 minute journey each way. I’m currently 9 week pregnant and suffering from morning/evening sickness. I have thankfully managed to avoid being sick on the train so far but I’m very worried about it happening. The train journey in the morning is OK as the train is fairly quiet, so I just find a seat very close to the loo, but the journey back is horrendously busy. Several of the seats closest to the loo are priority seats and I do sit in those sometimes if they are free and the non priority ones close to the loo are full.

I’m just wondering really whether this is an ‘adequate’ reason for sitting in them and, if someone else who needed one of the seats ever asked me to move, whether it would be really obnoxious of me to ask them to ask someone else in a priority seat instead? Obviously if nobody moved (or everyone sat in them needed them) then I would move. I wouldn’t allow someone who physically needed the seat to not have one as it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I threw up somewhere other than the loo… I’d just rather not Blush

I have name changed for this just in case everyone thinks I’m a terrible human being for even considering it. I have heard people in real life say that they wouldn’t offer their seat to a heavily pregnant woman as it’s their choice to have a baby, so I’m not sure how people would feel about morning sickness!

You need to check with the train company. Most, but not all, only include heavily pregnant women in the priority list & you need to show some kind of proof to get a pass. If it’s tfl then yes you would be allowed provided you have a pregnant badge.
Original poster
Nearthelooplease · 05/11/2021 18:02

@Againstmachine

If they are free sit in them, but move if they are needed by someone more needy,.don't tell someone to ask someone else though, and whilst you are pregnant you aren't that far along.
It’s not about how far along I am (I am able to stand and walk with no issues and would never personally say I need to sit down just because I’m pregnant at this stage) it’s about being close to the loo. It just so happens that there’s only one loo on the train and some of the seats closest to it are priority ones. There are other priority seats in other carriages but they are too far away so no good for my particular need! I would move if someone really needed it and nobody else would move though. I have only actually been sick in the evening once so hopefully I will remain OK on the train Smile

Thank you for the messages of support and congratulations everyone! And I’m really sorry to those of you who have had unpleasant experiences. It’s really not fair.

OP posts:
EvenRosesHaveThorns · 05/11/2021 18:04

I just sit there for my extra long legs! But I do of course move if someone needs it

elbea · 05/11/2021 18:12

I found I needed the priority seats far more in the first trimester than I did the last. I was constantly nauseous and dizzy, standing on the train made me feel like I’d feint. I was fine in the last trimester. If I needed a seat and couldn’t find one I’d ask the train staff.