Am I priority enough for priority seats?

[Nearthelooplease]

I travel to work each day on the train, about a 40 minute journey each way. I’m currently 9 week pregnant and suffering from morning/evening sickness. I have thankfully managed to avoid being sick on the train so far but I’m very worried about it happening. The train journey in the morning is OK as the train is fairly quiet, so I just find a seat very close to the loo, but the journey back is horrendously busy. Several of the seats closest to the loo are priority seats and I do sit in those sometimes if they are free and the non priority ones close to the loo are full.

I’m just wondering really whether this is an ‘adequate’ reason for sitting in them and, if someone else who needed one of the seats ever asked me to move, whether it would be really obnoxious of me to ask them to ask someone else in a priority seat instead? Obviously if nobody moved (or everyone sat in them needed them) then I would move. I wouldn’t allow someone who physically needed the seat to not have one as it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I threw up somewhere other than the loo… I’d just rather not

I have name changed for this just in case everyone thinks I’m a terrible human being for even considering it. I have heard people in real life say that they wouldn’t offer their seat to a heavily pregnant woman as it’s their choice to have a baby, so I’m not sure how people would feel about morning sickness!

You're overthinking it. If you see an empty seat take it! I've noticed that even if a pregnant woman is wearing a badge a lot of people are too absorbed in their phones / whatever to even notice. Good luck!

I think people who haven't been pregnant aren't aware of how achingly weary it makes you. And therefore a danger to yourself and possibly others if you fall on them. You don't have to explain you just have to know yourself.

Oh god yes, use the seat! I had hyperemesis and was vomiting water and bedridden until 18 weeks. I'd have been physically unable to withstand a train ride, so I feel your pain! Pregnancy sickness is so grim. I'd be using the seats in your situation without thinking and I wouldn't be explaining myself to anyone who questioned me either. Hope you feel better soon.

Honestly just take the seat. And ignore any twat that tries to make you move. You can bet that if men had to suffer pregnancy there would be special designated seats just for them the poor lambs. Hope you’re feeling better soon.

@SeasonFinale

Sit in it. If anyone asks or tries to force you out just mention there is a reason why you are using it that you do not have to disclose to random strangers.

This. They might think they are a priority but you know you also have a perfectly valid reason for sitting in the priority seat, and you don't have to explain yourself. Don't for a second feel guilty about it!

It depends, I would sit in it but if someone obviously very disabled got on and needed it, I'd move. I couldn't take up a seat that someone with a desperate need for actually needed. And I say as a pregnant woman suffering with real beck and pelvic pain at the moment.

Take the seat. All the other passengers would rather you sat down than vomiting or passing out. I used to get very dizzy and light headed in early pregnancy and remember one awful journey where the train was rammed due to delays. I was standing and thought I was going to pass out of vom and a man who was also standing noticed I looked a bit ropey and he got me a seat. I have never seen so many people stand up. I was mortified tbh but very grateful as I wouldn’t have felt comfortable asking.

I have been in your position and absolutely 100% you are fine to take the seat! It was horrendous traveling while feeling sick and faint.

The baby on board badges didn't exist when I was pregnant but as a commuter I used to find them very helpful.

I used to have a long commute and there were always people standing after the first 15 minutes. I often used to sit next to a friend and we used to whisper to each other debating whether certain women might be pregnant or not before offering them a seat (we weren't in the priority seats but we were quite near a door where lots of people stood). The badges took away the risk of offending. They also allowed us to identify people like the OP who were in the early stages and didn't look pregnant.

@hotelharibo

Definitely sit in it!

Also carry plastic bag and wipes just in case. Made me feel better knowing I had a bag to be sick in if needed

I found a carrier bag with a bit of cat litter in helpful if I had to be sick out and about. The litter stopped it leaking and I could just seal it up and dispose of quickly.

Just sit there.

I have arthritis and when I was heavily pregnant was sat in one when an elderly man asked me if I could move so his wife could sit there. As this was at the train platform, rather than on the train itself, seating was very limited and I gave her my seat because I felt she needed it more at that time. However, if I’d felt I needed it more I would have said so.

Another saying take the seat if you need it. I had really bad nausea kicked off by travel from about week 8 to week 14 and always took the seat because I was terrified of vomiting on someone! I didn’t use the seat at all later on in pregnancy, despite being more obviously pregnant, because I didn’t need it. I had two tube journeys of 3 stops each and I really hated people insisting I sit down when I was heavily pregnant as it was far more of a faff getting myself in and out of the seat than it was standing in a safe space for five minutes! So it’s far more about how you feel than how pregnant you are, IMO.

@EvenRosesHaveThorns

I just sit there for my extra long legs! But I do of course move if someone needs it

@EvenRosesHaveThorns, honestly, please don’t do this. As the parent of a child who is blind, life is hard enough without bringing us into conflict with other people who don’t respect the boundaries that society as a whole has decided is fair to try to level the playing field for people with disabilities. The onus should not be on us to ask you to move. The onus should be on you to respect societal rules, have some empathy for those who live with disabilities every day, and keep those seats free.

Paris Metro trains (and probably other public transport) have a detailed list of priorities for the seats:

1. War and military disabled
2. Blind civilians
3. Disabled workers
4. Disabled civilians who have trouble standing
5. Pregnant women
6. Persons with children under age 4
7. Disabled civilians who do not have trouble standing
8. Persons with a card stipulating that they have trouble standing
9. Seniors aged 75 and over

www.ratp.fr/en/who-can-use-priority-seats

The seat is for you! Use it and don’t feel you need to apologise.

Could you reserve a seat near the toilet? I am sure I've booked these for London journeys before