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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel worthless.

33 replies

KeeG8181 · 04/11/2021 20:07

My wonderful gran passed away yesterday after a terminal cancer diagnosis in September and my mum has been staying with me and DS 22 months for about 2 weeks for support.

I cannot take anymore criticism. I feel so useless. She criticises everything I do, if I let DS watch cbeebies for half an hour I'm in the wrong, if he's up later than 7pm I'm in the wrong, he stood close to the TV today watching an episode of duggee and she berated me, accuses me of lying about absolute nonsense and after going through 2018-2019 being abused by my son's father my confidence is in the toilet. I feel like DS would be better off without me as I can't do anything right.

My mum's never been anything that a mum should be. She picked at me when I was younger and often made comments about my body or appearance which has led me to have no self worth. I was in a violent relationship, she's never bothered about that and shown no emotion when seeing me with black eyes, cuts, bust lip and nose.

My gran was amazing, she was just the most wonderful person and I always thought of her as my mum.

This is so long I'm sorry, I feel so worthless and I don't know what to do.

OP posts:

BuddhaAtSea · 04/11/2021 20:10

Send your mum home!

Chewieboora · 04/11/2021 20:11

So sorry for your loss.

When is she going home? I'd ask her to leave?

Original poster

KeeG8181 · 04/11/2021 20:12

I've asked her when and she said after the funeral. I've asked her to go home as I need to process what's happened and she's made it about herself as usual having a "meltdown" as she calls them. Might move out myself.

OP posts:

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/11/2021 20:12

Bye bye, mum. She needs to go home. You definitely don’t owe her support!

So sorry for your loss.

Babdoc · 04/11/2021 20:14

OP, this is not helping you or your mum. As PP said, send her home. You are under no obligation to provide support for her over losing her mother, when she has been so uncaring to you.
I would suggest reducing contact with her, for the sake of your own mental health and wellbeing.

Chewieboora · 04/11/2021 20:14

Do it OP. If you can go away for a few days I would, and just lie to her, make something up, friend needs help or something.

Or just ask her to go.

Batshittery · 04/11/2021 20:15

Sorry about your gran
It's time to send your mother back to her own house

Original poster

KeeG8181 · 04/11/2021 20:15

The worst part is, my gran wasn't my mum's mum! She's her mother in law but my dad's dead as well, she doesn't see it as that. It's another tragedy to milk. My mum likes sympathy

OP posts:

MushMonster · 04/11/2021 20:17

Send her to her house. She can sit there waiting for the funeral.
And of course you are worthy OP

mbosnz · 04/11/2021 20:20

Your mother sure does like centre stage doesn't she? This is not about her. Your Grandmother was her mother in law, and you had a wonderful relationship with your grandmother. She's just bloody milking it.

Look after yourself. She has somewhere to go, she can bugger off. You're entitled to centre yourself here. You've lost your Dad, and now your Grandmother.

RudestLittleMadam · 04/11/2021 20:21

I know it’s hard but you need to tell her to leave, don’t ask her to. You don’t need her to stay with you, she’s making your grief worse. If she needs you, well tough shit. She should have thought about that before she started making you feel like shit in your own home.

Longterm I think you need to have a good long think about what you want from a relationship with this sorry excuse for a mother. I’m really sorry you’ve been through so much trauma.

RudestLittleMadam · 04/11/2021 20:22

Xpost just seen she’s not even your grandmother’s daughter. Yeah, she can fuck right off, grasping mare.

toolazytothinkofausername · 04/11/2021 20:26

Fake a positive covid test and force her out!

mellicauli · 04/11/2021 20:32

If you were worthless, she wouldn't need to knock you down like this.
As it is, she needs to knock you down to establish her own dominant position and to feel better about herself in the face of your thriving, happy child and you being a much better Mum than she ever was.

Teaandtoastedbiscuits · 04/11/2021 20:33

You are not worthless. Your ds will show you that all day long. I'm sorry you lost your gran x. If you want to leave your ds watch duggee that is your perogative. None of her business, send her home and enjoy the peace and quiet with your own little family and I recommend bluey as well as hey duggee

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/11/2021 20:36

Send her home. Then come back and tell us all about your lovely gran.

Christmasisnear · 04/11/2021 20:37

Tell her to go Op. You don't need her in your life.

Tal45 · 04/11/2021 20:40

Good god why on earth does your mum need support? She sounds truly awful. When you finally manage to get rid of her don't ever let her come and stay again whatever you do. She sounds totally self absorbed. You are definitely not worthless, please don't allow her to drag you down.

toolazytothinkofausername · 04/11/2021 20:41

Your mother is abusing you. Please protect yourself and send her on her way!

Offmyfence · 05/11/2021 07:03

Today she is leaving! Get her gone and tonight sit peacefully on your own.

She's a grief thief, you don't need it!

PlasticPlantsDontDie · 05/11/2021 07:09

OP, tell her she is affecting your mental health and she needs to leave.
Tell her you need to grieve your Nan by yourself.
When she’s gone, get a “Nan notebook” and write down all the positive things your Nan said and did that encouraged you and gave you confidence.

Then read it whenever you have a wobble.

OperationDessertStorm · 05/11/2021 07:50

Sorry for your loss op.

Send her home. You’ll feel so much better. It’s not the tv or the bedtime, she’s just picking to make herself feel better.

Original poster

KeeG8181 · 05/11/2021 10:46

My gran was just the best. She was so fun and had such a good sense of humour. She also often questioned what sort of childhood my mum had.
She always gave the best advice. I told my mum to go home this morning as we need space and I really miss my gran, I just wanna phone her. And she mentioned that at least "I didn't see her at the end"

OP posts:

zafferana · 05/11/2021 10:49

Send her home OP. On top of grieving you don't need this critical, unpleasant, narcissistic woman in your home.

jagoda · 05/11/2021 11:26

Seriously - tell her she has to leave. Now.

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