To feel worthless.

[KeeG8181]

My wonderful gran passed away yesterday after a terminal cancer diagnosis in September and my mum has been staying with me and DS 22 months for about 2 weeks for support.

I cannot take anymore criticism. I feel so useless. She criticises everything I do, if I let DS watch cbeebies for half an hour I'm in the wrong, if he's up later than 7pm I'm in the wrong, he stood close to the TV today watching an episode of duggee and she berated me, accuses me of lying about absolute nonsense and after going through 2018-2019 being abused by my son's father my confidence is in the toilet. I feel like DS would be better off without me as I can't do anything right.

My mum's never been anything that a mum should be. She picked at me when I was younger and often made comments about my body or appearance which has led me to have no self worth. I was in a violent relationship, she's never bothered about that and shown no emotion when seeing me with black eyes, cuts, bust lip and nose.

My gran was amazing, she was just the most wonderful person and I always thought of her as my mum.

This is so long I'm sorry, I feel so worthless and I don't know what to do.

I've gone out for a bit for a Costa. Perfect excuse for the new menu.

I hate myself for thinking this but I've lost everyone. My wonderful dad, grandad and my grandma. Yet I've been left to roam the earth with her. Why haven't they taken her and at least let me have someone that cares for me.

There's no squaring that. It's shit.

But you're great so your gran's kindness and wisdom is still there in you.

I'm so sorry about your gran. I know how you feel. I lost mine a few years ago and she was the best person I've ever met. I miss her so much and sometimes still can't believe she's not here.
You need time to grieve. Tell her that snd send her on her way when you can 💐💐

Thank you for your condolences everyone it's much appreciated. She's staying until Friday then going up to my GM,'s flat to meet with funeral directors alongside my uncle and aunt. I have been instructed to join via a zoom call which is impossible as no doubt DS will want the phone so I'm browsing nice poems to send up with my "mother" to pass on
Hope anyone struggling with the loss of a relative or friend finds comfort

I am sorry for your loss. It must be very hard

Personally I would be asking your mother to leave now, I would even pack up her things

If she needs to stay local then she can go to your uncle and aunt

Once the funeral is over I would go LC/NC

Definitely agree. I will be going NC completely. I'll struggle alone with DS and childcare if it means having her out of my life.

My gran didnt live local but she'll be travelling up on Friday.
I was due to have my light fitting in my flat changed today but I've rearranged it for Monday. Now I'm a liar apparently and was never having it done in the first place. I hate this woman beyond belief I can't wait until this is all over. Her own family don't speak to her so all she'll have now is my aunt and uncle and her friends that she's had for over 30 years. They don't know her.

Does anyone have any tips for grieving alone whilst having a young child? I feel like I can't just feel sad I have to be normal. Like getting DS dressed and going out when I don't feel like it? Any tips would be great. This is my first death as a mum so I'm not sure what to do

First, give yourself time. It's always a shock to lose a loved one, even when you're expecting it and you need to look after yourself, treat yourself very gently and give yourself time to feel sad and upset.

And it's ok for your dc to see you upset. Explain why and let the tears flow. They'll want to comfort you but as long as they understand you're crying for a much loved gran, they'll be ok.

Next, try to focus on how lucky you have been to have a loving father and grandmother. Many don't get that and you have had their love and support all these years, so focus on the sheer blessing that is for you.

I think talking to your loved one in your head helps a lot too. When you have known them very well, you know what they'd say and it really helps to soften the loss.

When you are feeling up to it, try to go out a lot. Nature helps to remind you that everything is born, lives and dies, it's part of life and we all have to cope with it. Focusing on your child will help too.

And try to talk to friends, siblings, wider family - every day if you can. Connecting to others, sharing your grief a little helps. Books and films can help you gain other's perspectives than can lift you sometimes too. I binged watch really undemanding things like Downton, Heartland, Lark Rise - very calming series.

You will feel better in time. Hold on to that. In the meantime try and give yourself little treats through the day to keep your spirits up and make sure you eat, sleep and rest as best you can.

Take care of yourself lovely