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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that this was not ok and shows a worrying attitude to safeguarding?

61 replies

Hardbackwriter · 04/11/2021 14:46

Yesterday we went on a school tour for my child, who will start primary school next September. There were about six or seven other parents on the tour. The tour was done by the school secretary. When we got to one of the classrooms it was obvious from the outside (glass door) that the children in it were getting changed for PE, they were all in various states of undress including some just in pants. I assumed we'd turn back and go the other way (going through this classroom was the quickest but not the only way to the reception classroom) but to my astonishment the secretary breezed into the room and gave the same spiel as the other classrooms - 'this is year 3, they're doing gymnastics, they do this once a week' etc. The class teacher said, very weakly, 'it's not really an ideal time...' but that was it. So we all, a group of strange adults, were standing watching these children get changed. DH and I discussed it afterwards and he was quite shocked; he's a teacher (but secondary) and thought that a) it shouldn't have happened and b) safeguarding is usually such a top priority for a school that it seems a bit troubling that neither of the staff present thought this was wrong or were alert to it. It's left me feeling a bit uneasy about the school - AIBU to feel this way, am I being a bit precious about it?

OP posts:
Musmerian · 04/11/2021 16:44

Trust your instincts and your DH’s. If you didn’t like the feel of it don’t send your child there. A lot of people are actually clueless about what makes a really good school and tend to jump the Ofsted bandwagon.

Foolsrule · 04/11/2021 16:54

That’s not just bad form, it’s appalling. I’d report to the DSL at the school and potentially to the LA.

Capricornqueen86 · 04/11/2021 17:03

Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility therefore you have a duty to report it. Call the school and speak with the DSL so it doesn't happen again. School tours are so important because this is where you get a 'feel' of the school and whether it's right for you and your child. Outstanding Ofsted and SATS results are not the be all and end all.

Chocolatewheatos · 04/11/2021 17:09

I would definitely email and would not be sending DS there, it doesn't seem safe at all.

RevolvingPivot · 04/11/2021 17:17

Totally off point however since lockdown my kids school ask for them to go to school in their pe kit. It's much quicker. They don't need to help 4-6 year olds dress plus they aren't standing around in underwear. I think it's time all schools did this.

WonderfulYou · 04/11/2021 17:27

How long were you in the classroom watching them get changed?

If you stood there having a conversation with them whilst they were changing then YANBU but if you walked in and they said this is year 3 then made a hasty exit then I’d say YABU it was just very unfortunate timing.

Spiceup · 04/11/2021 17:35

I don't think the secretary should have been doing the tours. That alone is a sign that the school isn't well managed IMO. I've worked for a lot of heads over a long time and all the good ones insisted on doing these tours themselves, perhaps sharing the load with a deputy.

Wotsitsits · 04/11/2021 17:40

YANBU that is bizarre. Definitely report as a safeguarding concern.. follow the written policy process, use the exact wording from the policy and state you are raising the concern under the policy..

The "top" school near me also gave off odd vibes. Trust your gut.

SunshineCake1 · 04/11/2021 17:42

Even small children are allowed dignity and respect. Please tell someone.

Hardbackwriter · 04/11/2021 17:44

@WonderfulYou

How long were you in the classroom watching them get changed?

If you stood there having a conversation with them whilst they were changing then YANBU but if you walked in and they said this is year 3 then made a hasty exit then I’d say YABU it was just very unfortunate timing.

We weren't there long but we weren't in any classroom long - I didn't get any sense that we were being hurried through because she'd realised we shouldn't be there. And as I said you could see this was the situation before we even entered the room so I don't think we should have gone in in the first place.
OP posts:
Spiceup · 04/11/2021 17:44

When was this outstanding school last inspected?. Outstanding schools are only inspected when a concern is raised and many heads have become complacent in them IMO.

You could report your safeguarding concern, then you'd likely get a more up to date inspection report....

Sixtycats · 04/11/2021 17:44

NO. You are not being unreasonable. There's paedophiles everywhere. There's literally no way to tell who's a wrongun and who's not. You're absolutely right to be uncomfortable. By God, I would have kicked off.

Hardbackwriter · 04/11/2021 17:48

@Spiceup

I don't think the secretary should have been doing the tours. That alone is a sign that the school isn't well managed IMO. I've worked for a lot of heads over a long time and all the good ones insisted on doing these tours themselves, perhaps sharing the load with a deputy.
I also was a bit put-off that it wasn't the head or deputy head but wasn't sure if that was unfair (it was the head at the other school, but that's the only comparison point I've got). In general one of the really off-putting things was that she seemed more concerned to put us off applying than to encourage it! The tour began with a firm talk about how we wouldn't get in unless we were very close to the school (which we are) and she closed it by reiterating how narrow the grounds to appeal are and that we shouldn't bother unless we meet them... It didn't feel welcoming! But it's hard to tell how that would translate to actually being at the school.
OP posts:
JustDanceAddict · 04/11/2021 17:49

I’d definitely report it.

Throughabushbackwards · 04/11/2021 19:15

I think this is a serious concern. I'd go above the school and report it to the county.

Waspsarearseholes · 04/11/2021 19:23

Yes, it sounds like the secretary is a bit big for her boots. It makes absolutely no difference to her how many children apply - it's county that deals with applications and she's sounding a bit elitist about who wins the prize of getting in to their fabulous school. You really, really must raise this with the school. I'd be surprised if the class teacher didn't say something to the head anyway, but it would be good to hear it from another person so they know it has been noticed by outsiders and that it's potentially a serious safeguarding concern that can't just be brushed under the carpet in-house. After all, what credentials do you need to prove to look around schools? Literally none. You and your husband could've been anybody.

ComDummings · 04/11/2021 19:39

I would be kicking up a fuss about this, complaining to the head but also the LA

cansu · 04/11/2021 19:45

They made a mistake. Let them know and move on. I wouldn't be making my choice of school based on the school secretary not being fully aware of the kids getting changed. She probably didn't know how to manage the issue.

Coronado2 · 04/11/2021 19:57

@cansu

They made a mistake. Let them know and move on. I wouldn't be making my choice of school based on the school secretary not being fully aware of the kids getting changed. She probably didn't know how to manage the issue.
A school secretary should have safeguarding training, the same as anyone else who works in the school. I wouldn't want to send my children to a school where any of the staff think it's ok to let random adults watch them undress.
RowanAlong · 04/11/2021 20:50

Ignore Ofsted, go with spidey senses.

Spiceup · 04/11/2021 20:59

@Waspsarearseholes

Yes, it sounds like the secretary is a bit big for her boots. It makes absolutely no difference to her how many children apply - it's county that deals with applications and she's sounding a bit elitist about who wins the prize of getting in to their fabulous school. You really, really must raise this with the school. I'd be surprised if the class teacher didn't say something to the head anyway, but it would be good to hear it from another person so they know it has been noticed by outsiders and that it's potentially a serious safeguarding concern that can't just be brushed under the carpet in-house. After all, what credentials do you need to prove to look around schools? Literally none. You and your husband could've been anybody.
That's not true. In an academy or a voluntary aided school, the school office deals with admissions and it's a huge job at an over subscribed school.

At my last school one of the reasons the head liked to do the tours was so she could persuade any "unsuitable" parents it wasn't the place for them. This is how some schools manage to get outstanding Sad

Pollypudding · 04/11/2021 21:11

“The standard you walk past is the standard you accept”
The secretary’s attitude and behaviour reflect the culture of the school.
Trust your instincts and please speak up. Not always easy do so the right thing. Flowers

coachmylife · 04/11/2021 21:19

Ofstwd haven’t really got going on reinspecting Outstanding schools. There’s one near us that was last inspected well before I got pregnant w my Year 10 son. That’s nearly 15 years - every single staff member has changed since then… Go w your gut.

C8H10N4O2 · 04/11/2021 21:29

In general one of the really off-putting things was that she seemed more concerned to put us off applying than to encourage it! The tour began with a firm talk about how we wouldn't get in unless we were very close to the school (which we are) and she closed it by reiterating how narrow the grounds to appeal are and that we shouldn't bother unless we meet them... It didn't feel welcoming! But it's hard to tell how that would translate to actually being at the school.

Look at other schools. That is a school which is complacent and doesn't need to make the effort. They may have been outstanding six years ago but that is a long time in a school if it changes head or some key staff.

How much effort did they put into asking parents for questions and engaging with you?

Waspsarearseholes · 04/11/2021 21:42

@Spiceup - ah, apologies, I shouldn't have assumed they are all the same! Thank you.

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