AIBU to hate work do’s

[Getoutofthis]

Just as the title states really.

With the Christmas work parties inching ever closer, I can’t be the only to dread them.
I always try to give gentle excuses but people seem to think it’s ok to put lots of pressure on me, to try and pursued/force/ convince me to go. This year I have even been called unreasonable and rude for not going…. but they will be loads of fun right ? I always end up feeling guilty. I don’t mind my work colleagues but to me that’s what they are - colleagues.
At a different point in my life, I might feel like socialising but for now, all I want to do is spend any free time I have with my family. Why can’t people just accept this.
AIBU?

I would hate the Christmas do you describe @PearlSlaghoople.

I know young people enjoys pres before going out as DD is a student. None of the people in my team will see 40 again, and we would be considered old and boring by anyone under 30. I don't want to get drunk but I enjoy a glass or two of wine.

I suggest saying you'll attend, feigning enthusiasm and then cancelling at short notice e.g. "omg dodgy takeaway last night, sooooo sorry I won't make it, have a drink for me!"

Highly satisfying for the daily chats, knowing you had no intention of going but have successfully fooled them all into getting off your back!

I hate them. I told the other associate in our office I would be coming to our team lunch, but would not be coming to the office night out. He said “fair enough, totally understand” whenever it is, my husband will be having his works night out and as he is the director he can’t not go to his. I’ve used this excuse for about twelve years, since we had a child, and even though 8 of those years were with the same employer, nobody ever mentioned how coincidental it was that they fell on the same night, every year 😆

I like my colleagues, but I would never socialise with them regardless of the occasion.
They ask, I tell them I never mix business with pleasure.
Then I listen to the bitching about each other the morning after and be glad that I didn't go.

As a very old member of staff, I found it easier to think of it as work. I would look out for new and shy people and make sure to introduce them to people, include them in conversations, ensure they weren’t being left on tables on their own or the end of tables being ignored.

I didn’t expect to enjoy myself particularly but saw it more of a duty. If I got a nice meal and a few interesting or amusing conversations along the way, that was a bonus.

I would leave as soon as was reasonable.

Don't over think it, just say you aren't going as you are busy or it isn't your thing. As pp said, just because someone replied out of politeness "oh are you sure, might be fun" it doesn't mean they are desperate for you to come or are going to sit around talking about you. They wouldn't care either way or even think of it again.

NRTFT

Definitely not unreasonable, I was very over my work dos. I managed to get out of the last few before I became a sahm. Now I slightly miss them. Not enough to go back to work just yet 😆

First year I arranged a “very important” course to clash with the date of the party, it was sooooo late when I got home.

Next year I scored Pearl Jam tickets! Certainly wasn’t apologetic for that.

I had a few other excuses but the best way is just blatantly lie, your looking forward to it, but fuck o no the date clashes or your sick…

I was very much a party girl in my youth now I get comments like “o you’ve changed” well yeah of course I fucking have, I’ve grown up, my priorities are my family, mortgage and saving for mine and my children’s future 🤷🏼‍♀️

I like my job (although I’m employed as a long term / contracted freelancer). I’ve worked with hundreds of people over the past 20 years and made some incredible friends who I’ll see over the Festive Season.

I’d rather stab myself in the face with rusty garden shears than attend the Organised Fun of a Works Christmas Do.

‘Thank you but I’ve already got plans for that night’ is my stock response to any ‘Christmas Do’.

I love ours - but we all get on really well and message outside of work etc
2019 was the last one because of covid. We booked a meal and our manager was "but why is it at this strange time?"
241 cocktails boss, that's why
Meal paid for by company and a drinks allowance goes a long way on cheap cocktails. We all got absolutely hammered, ended up in a nightclub and I got home at 5am

YANBU. I hate them too. I used to run my own business and instead we had an annual Christmas lunch, where we closed at noon and I paid for a nice pub lunch for everyone. I would leave after a couple of hours, and anyone who wanted to make an evening of it was free to stay in in the pub as they wished.

I don’t mind them but I don’t think people should feel under pressure to attend. It’s no big deal to me if people don’t fancy it and they shouldn’t have to explain themselves!