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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not get a co-sleeper?

34 replies

Joytti · 03/11/2021 16:05

I initially excitedly ordered a snuzpod, only to find it poorly crafted and that the metal poles if tightened pull out the insert nuts; I have sent it back.
We were then desperately looking for an alternative as we have left it late thinking we were sorted. I’d put Moses basket by the bed in the meantime but realised as it’s lower than our mattress I’m throwing my covers in there during my sleep; if you want context of how bad I am at this as a student I once burnt a hole in a duvet by throwing it over a low bedside lamp during sleep…

We went to mamas and papas and I found most of the co-sleepers to be quite rickety and clunky to get the side up and down- I’d like the option to put it up and down easily during the night so I can reach baby but also protect them from me and my sheets! I liked the Chicco ones best but we can’t really have one more than 60cm wide in our room.

My parents think all these gadgets and features are just extra things to go wrong, and that they all look like travel cots- they have suggested a wooden crib. It would mean there was about a 15cm-20cm ‘barrier’ between baby and I- I could have it pushed up to side of our bed and not likely to toss covers in.
However, then I’m going to have to lift baby in and out as there is no option to retract the side.
How important or not important is this? It’s so hard to know and I’m such a deep and reckless sleeper- my teddy bear often ends up rammed between our mattress and headboard- I’m scared of hurting the baby but also everyone seems to say that a co sleeper is best for baby and bfing.

Thank you for advice! (Yes I am being a little bit PFB)

OP posts:

Avarua · 03/11/2021 16:09

Honestly, my babies all slept, swaddled-up, in a little travel pod that was placed outside our bedroom on the landing. That way I could hear them cry, but not every single snuggle and sniff they made. They slept better away from me, and I slept better too. Co-sleeping is WAY overrated.

Avarua · 03/11/2021 16:13

This is what they had: [[https://uk.philandteds.com/products/cocoon pod]] cheap, compatible with the pushchair and it took them from 0-3 months, at which time they went into their own cot.

CelloYouveGotABass · 03/11/2021 16:14

I always used a snuz pod with the sides zipped up. He was fine and it wasn’t too bad getting him in and out.

JassyRadlett · 03/11/2021 16:17

I had the Next2Me and to be honest had the sides up as much as down, it was really fine.

PlanBea · 03/11/2021 16:17

I imagine putting baby down over those sides will wake them up - the perks of a co sleeper is it's much easier to slide them into it asleep! When my DH puts our baby in from the "room side" DS wakes up every time. Something where the sides lowered and can be put up would be easier on the 10th return to the cot of the night

Original poster

Joytti · 03/11/2021 16:19

@CelloYouveGotABass

I always used a snuz pod with the sides zipped up. He was fine and it wasn’t too bad getting him in and out.

Yes I was happy with the design of the snuzpod on paper but what arrived was really poor with nuts popping out of it- I think maybe earlier versions of snuzpods didn’t have these issues. It’s a known design fault and we realised in mamas and papas that the display snuzpod wasn’t properly tightened- presumably to avoid this!

OP posts:

Lockdownmummy · 03/11/2021 16:20

In all honesty your sleeping will probably change once the baby is here. I used to be a very deep sleeper and before DS worried that I wouldn't wake up for him but I hear every single murmur from him and now DD.

Had a co sleeper with DS and found it a right old pain making the bed, getting in and out and then it got to the point where he was disturbing my sleep. Have a Mokee wool nest for DD and I love it. Have it slightly away from the bed and can move it around for naps.

Original poster

Joytti · 03/11/2021 16:20

@CelloYouveGotABass

I always used a snuz pod with the sides zipped up. He was fine and it wasn’t too bad getting him in and out.

Thanks for the reassurance though about getting them in and out

OP posts:

Plotato · 03/11/2021 16:21

I've had both a Next2Me and Tutti Bambino and just used them with the sides up. The advantage is they're much bigger than a moses basket but take up less space than a cot so you can keep the baby in your bedroom til 6 months or beyond that if they don't pull up. (I had incredibly average sized babies if that's relevant for how long the cribs lasted me)

Original poster

Joytti · 03/11/2021 16:21

@Lockdownmummy

Ha yes maybe deep sleep with a newborn is wishful thinking 😂 thank you

OP posts:

Clementineapples · 03/11/2021 16:21

I think you’re overthinking it. Do what works for you.
Cosleeping is classed as risky and it’s not recommended.
Why not just move the Moses basket or whatever further away from the bed or at the bottom of the bed?

Chocolatewheatos · 03/11/2021 16:21

You sound like a dangerous sleeper so I'd definitely want a big barrier. You need to fully wake and keep your baby in their own separate space. It's not going to be easiest but it's for the safest.

Original poster

Joytti · 03/11/2021 16:22

@Avarua

That’s reassuring- thank you!

OP posts:

Roselilly36 · 03/11/2021 16:23

I tried a Moses basket, swinging crib, still had baby in bed with us every night for around 7mths, until he went into a cot in his own room, bought a superking bed, baby slept on my side. Made BF easier at night.but obviously not great quality sleep.

Avarua · 03/11/2021 16:26

The ideal is something you can move around the house and something that slips easily into the pram / pushchair so when they nap in the daytime you can take a walk or whatever. They like routine so establish a place where they always sleep that they can be close to you but independent of you (ie not on you).

ArtfulScreamer · 03/11/2021 16:29

DD started off in a (borrowed) Snuz pod but quickly grew out of it and we then ended up with the cotbed next to the bed which left us no room in the bedroom. As DD is still using the cot bed and DS has come along we've got a drop side space saver cot. It is bigger than a snuzpod but by the time he grows out of it the cot bed will be vacant.
I really like the space saver the side drops for easy access and the base has different heights to.

ToughLoveLDN · 03/11/2021 16:29

I had SnuzPod3. I really liked it but also think DD could have just gone straight into her cot

cadburyegg · 03/11/2021 16:29

i had one very similar to your picture and it drove me mad that i couldn't see DS1 from my bed so i bought a next2me when he was about 2 weeks old and used it until he was 6 months old. Then used it for DS2 for 9 months (he didn't pull up til then). I found having the baby as close as possible made sure i got as much sleep as possible!

Fispi · 03/11/2021 16:33

I had a next to me type thing with DC1 and it barely got used. I borrowed a crib very similar to the one in your OP my mum used for my brother in the 90's and its been brilliant. The swinging motion is fab and it was a decent size so has lasted to 5 months (my babies are above top centiles). It would easily have lasted longer but DC2 is rolling, and starting to pull up. Swinging cribs have been in fashion for centuries for a good reason I guess!

meow1989 · 03/11/2021 16:34

We used a tutti bambini cover but never had the side down. I liked that it had the mesh panel to see through and could be height adjusted/ tilted head end up in case of reflux or colds. It's also really easy to get up and down and comes with a travel case so I used to sling it in the car when we stayed at my mums.

Ds was in it until 8 months when he was getting a bit too close to pulling to stand!

NameChange30 · 03/11/2021 16:34

Obviously YANBU to do whatever works for you, but a few points...

There are so many bedside cribs on the market that I'm sure you can find one that would work if you want one. My favourite is the Tutti Bambini Cozee, which is 56cm wide so it should fit.

You'll probably sleep much less deeply after having a baby; most parents do, especially mothers (because hormones) but fathers can train themselves to be more reactive too - my DH was a very deep sleeper but has learned to sleep less deeply when he's "on duty".

Although you're likely to sleep less deeply I do think it's wise to use a bedside crib with the side up and probably a small distance from your bed, too. Alternatively, if you want to have the cosleeper attached to the bed with the side down, I suggest that you ditch the duvet and wear very warm PJs (you can get adult sleepsuits ) or lots of layers.

Lastly... pedant's note: there is some confusion about the meaning of "cosleeping". Some people mean room sharing (different beds, same room) and others mean bedsharing. The Lullaby Trust recommends sharing a room but not a bed. However bedsharing is safe as long as you follow the rules for doing it safely.

0nlyMe · 03/11/2021 16:34

I bought a baby lo co sleeper for the same reason. I knew I’d have a c-section. Problem became apparent on the first night. You have to crawl across the bed or up from the bottom. And you can’t make the bed. So it moved a metre away. And stayed there since. I didn’t find it convenient at all tbh. Having baby so close made it harder to fall asleep

Latenightreader · 03/11/2021 16:36

We had a Next2Me but once she outgrew it I moved the wooden cot in place and took one side off. The middle setting made it slightly lower than my bed, and I put something heavy on the other side so it didn’t move away. At three she still uses the cot as a toddler bed but in her own room!

Vendeevola · 03/11/2021 16:40

My wife was the deepest sleeper before our son arrived, I could never wake her. She also had a teddy in bed that ended up going everywhere! However since our newborn arrived her sleeping has totally changed, she naturally wakes when she hears him. We also had the snuz pod dilemma but it’s works well. He’s got the side down and next to her side, we didn’t have any issues with design and have the 4 version.

Oh and the teddy is no longer in the bed! She started rocking it in the night the first night and I was worried she would put it in the snuzpod on top our son or something!

Basically don’t over think it, whatever you think will happen won’t!

Liverbird77 · 03/11/2021 16:42

You are certainly not being PFB!

For information: as you probably know, room sharing, bit not bed sharing, is recommended for the first six months. It is thought the parevts' breathing might help regulate the baby. The use of a pacifier also reduces SIDS, although it shouldn't be attached to a clip for sleep.
Breastfeeding also lowers the SIDS risk, although the effects of all this aren't cumulative.
The safest place for a baby to sleep is alone, put down on back (if it can roll by itself then fine), in a sleep sack, in an empty crib. No stuffed toys, owlets or mobiles.

For safety, cribs should be one foot away from other furniture, including beds, and three feet away from windows.
They should be safety tested, so anything older than a few years back wouldn't be safe for sleep (can't recall the exact date but Google will tell you).

It's hard work in the early days but they soon pass.

Congratulations on your baby.

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