To have shown my disappointment

[merrygoround51]

DH is a terrible present buyer (I see this as a lack of thought) and this birthday I suggested I give him a list but he said no he was sorted.
So I get concert tickets for a band I have never shown any interest in and have none of their songs on my playlist.
Firstly we never really went to concerts - comedy shows, plays yes but concerts no. I like maybe 2 acts enough to pay for their concert tickets.

When he gave them to me I was like ‘oh x thank you, what songs do they have again’ and I just couldn’t muster up the enthusiasm to hide my disappointment. Was that wrong ?

To put it in context a couple of years ago I bought DH something he didn’t really want and I ended up using and he still jokes about my present to me which I take on the chin and laugh about.

He is now annoyed and put out and I am the bad guy. I mean ffs there wasn’t even a card

Have you asked him why he chose that band? Does he like them?

Tell him what you want and get him to buy it. He's crap at buying presents and isn't going to suddenly change. My ex was brilliant at buying presents and also having affairs.
Just pick it and tell him or buy it yourself.

Not unreasonable to be disappointed, especially as you offered to give him a list. Looking at it positively, perhaps you’ll surprise yourself and enjoy the band.

@Coffeeonmytoffee Yes that’s what I tried to do. I suppose my issue is not the bad present - he’s been shit at that for years. But it’s more him being pissed off at me showing disappointment

@Sparklfairy I don’t think so but he has suddenly decided he likes concerts - maybe it’s a lockdown thing !

It sounds really thoughtless
See if you can sell the tickets and buy yourself something else

Have you asked what made you choose this? If he says he thought a concert would be fun and these were the most affordable/practical tickets for an upcoming gig (ie some thought) then perhaps you'd feel a little bit better.

No card is just laziness unless you are a no card household already. You are right to be disappointed.

[quote merrygoround51]@Coffeeonmytoffee Yes that’s what I tried to do. I suppose my issue is not the bad present - he’s been shit at that for years. But it’s more him being pissed off at me showing disappointment[/quote]
That's the sort of thing my ex would have done so he would have the opportunity to tell me how unreasonable I was being. It was one of a loooong list of his behaviours.

How are things for you otherwise?

@Orgasmagorical Otherwise good if not perfect but he is extremely sensitive which we we age and have teens is a drag !

Just go to the concert, go for a meal beforehand, embrace something new.

Ive got diddly squat from my DH for 2 years now, I'll take crappy band tickets, at least he made some form of effort and its an experience.

@girlmom21 I will indeed and said so to DH

@UltimateBugKilla That’s awful I’m sorry to hear that

[quote merrygoround51]@Sparklfairy I don’t think so but he has suddenly decided he likes concerts - maybe it’s a lockdown thing ![/quote]
So it’s a present for him and his new found liking of concerts…

That’s a really selfish gift. And with him huffing about it he likely knows that he basically bought himself a present for your birthday.

@UltimateBugKilla

Ive got diddly squat from my DH for 2 years now, I'll take crappy band tickets, at least he made some form of effort and its an experience.

That’s how expectations for men end up so low.

The fact someone else’s husband is worse isn’t a reason for the OP to be grateful that hers bought himself a present on her birthday.

Suggest he take one of the teens and you can have the remote and a nice box of chocs :)

What band is it?

@jetadore Not a big one and haven’t had a hit in many years ! Not my scene at all

I love gigs and would be happy with concert tickets but my dp would know who I like and who I am not fussed about.

This does sound like it's more a present for him than you.
I have just got my eldest and me tickets to see Coldplay next year for his 16th birthday as a surprise and i know he will be thrilled as he loves them. I'm not fussed and would never have spent that much money on tickets for myself but it's for him, so it's worth it.

@JustLyra oh stop it! Really clutching today!
At no point did I say to the OP should have to accept shitty gifts, or tell all men they have the right to be shitty because my husband is 🤣I just shared my experience and that I would be happy with something for the effort.

[quote merrygoround51]@Orgasmagorical Otherwise good if not perfect but he is extremely sensitive which we we age and have teens is a drag ![/quote]
This might be the bigger issue to explore - how he might be using his “sensitivity” ie threat of volatility to silence you and control you.

You seem to know that there is no point engaging with him as he isn’t capable of constructive dialogue and compromise just the threat of a flip out or a tedious deliberately obstructive self serving argument.

@DFOD Well he’s not controlling me but by being a big baby he is definitely pissing me off !

YANBU, but how is he otherwise? My DH is absolutely rubbish at presents, terrible. I'm not sure he realises how terrible in truth. But it's because they're just not important to him and he genuinely wouldn't care if I never got him any more than a packet of socks. He's a loving husband, great dad, more than pulls his weight, so I suck up the bad present buying and just tell him (or MIL who always asks what I want) if there's something in particular I want.

Basically, YANBU, but unless it's part of a wider issue just let it go.

Very tempting to accept the tickets and tell him that you're taking a friend with you rather than him. Then you'll find out if it was a present for you or not.

@MindyStClaire oh I have totally let it go but it’s more a question of Aibu to show disappointment
DH is not terrible thoughtful but good when it comes to the crunch