Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to ask to share a birthday party.

28 replies

MrsWidgerysLodger · 02/11/2021 21:53

DDs birthday is coming up and we're currently looking at what do to party wise. We've just received an invitation for another girls party at a play centre on the actual day of DDs birthday (and the day we were hoping to have her party on!) Would I be unreasonable to message the other girls mum, explain the situation and see if she'd be interested in a joint party with is taking on half the costs and responsibilities for it or is that just cheeky and rude. I'm leaning one way, my DH is leaning the other so thought I'd ask here for some unbiased perspective.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsWidgerysLodger · 02/11/2021 21:54

The girls in question are 4 by the way and go to the same nursery so we'd have to look at other dates if sharing is a bad idea and potentially not have DD go as I'm not sure it's fair to go to someone else's party when you know it's actually your own birthday.

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 02/11/2021 21:55

If you hadn't received the invitation it would be fine. You have received the invitation and because of that your suggestion would be cf.

JustLyra · 02/11/2021 21:55

I think now the invitations have gone out it's too late.

Just keep it in mind for next year.

LittleOwl153 · 02/11/2021 21:56

I think given the invites are already out you are too late. For one you dont know who has been invited and whether they are the same kids as your child would want invited.

Maybe it depends on how well you know the other parent. If you don't know them well I'd leave it.

Hockeyboysmum · 02/11/2021 21:56

Def too late now. Be awkward for her to now change invited

MegSpace · 02/11/2021 21:58

Depends how well you know the mother and how many guests would overlap (attend both), I've done shared parties with a couple of Mum friends and it's great to split the cost and organising especially when they are very young and don't mind sharing their day.
Some people really want their own day/their child to have their own day but you won't know until you ask. If you know the Mum quite well it may be worth it and you could say there's no pressure and you understand if she would rather have her own day.

Cheerbear23 · 02/11/2021 21:59

Too late as the invites have gone out.

MegSpace · 02/11/2021 21:59

Ah I've just reread and the invites are already out so I would say too late but perhaps ask next year

Original poster
MrsWidgerysLodger · 02/11/2021 22:00

For context, I don't know the Mum very well at all (only in passing at drop off/pick up). I'm wondering if it's a bit unfair for DD to attend someone else's party on her own birthday too so do we just decline this girls invitation? We were literally about to confirm the booking for her party when this invitation turned up so it's put everything in a bit of a spin to be honest!!!

OP posts:
LastToBePicked · 02/11/2021 22:02

Nope, that ship sailed when invites were sent out.

EcoCustard · 02/11/2021 22:06

My son shares a birthday with a classmate. Every year (except last year) that kids parents send out the party invite 6-7 weeks before and have done since preschool. I am not that organised and Ds doesn’t like parties. He gets an invite but always declines as he doesn’t want to go to another kids party on his. I would not ask to do a loony party unless you know them well and as invites are out I would make a note for next year to get in early.

EcoCustard · 02/11/2021 22:07

*loony, Grin should say joint.

DreamerSeven · 02/11/2021 22:08

It’s a no from me, I’d think you quite cheeky if you asked when I’d already sorted the party booking and organised the invites. Just choose a different time or a different day.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 02/11/2021 22:15

Agree too late to make it joint now. Have your dd party either the day before/after her birthday and give her the option of wether she wants to go to her classmate's party or not.

WineIsMyMainVice · 02/11/2021 22:16

Absolutely fine!

Lightswitch123 · 02/11/2021 22:18

Agree too late as invites out. Shame as otherwise would have been ideal!

IslaPineappple · 02/11/2021 22:19

@EcoCustard

*loony, Grin should say joint.
I prefer loony Grin
coodawoodashooda · 02/11/2021 22:22

@MrsWidgerysLodger

For context, I don't know the Mum very well at all (only in passing at drop off/pick up). I'm wondering if it's a bit unfair for DD to attend someone else's party on her own birthday too so do we just decline this girls invitation? We were literally about to confirm the booking for her party when this invitation turned up so it's put everything in a bit of a spin to be honest!!!
Id decline the invite and do something elsewhere and totally different.
coodawoodashooda · 02/11/2021 22:22

She's 4 so it's no biggie.

Original poster
MrsWidgerysLodger · 02/11/2021 22:25

This was my thinking so thank you. Her birthday is a Saturday so we can probably do something nice together and have a party for her on the Sunday.
Hopefully she won't have loads of people decline due to being at a party the day before. Feeling really shit for not being more organised with it all tbh. 😢

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsWidgerysLodger · 02/11/2021 22:26

Sorry... NOT asking to share was my thinking for clarity.

OP posts:
lanthanum · 02/11/2021 22:33

If they're going to be at the same school, get in early with the suggestion of sharing next year. 5 often tends to be whole-class parties, especially in the autumn term when friendships aren't really established, and so much better shared. (I thought the best was one shared by 4 boys, with a message to say "just bring one present, and we'll divide them up between them".)

Nearlytheretrees · 02/11/2021 22:34

I wouldn't ask to share. I would ask DD if she would like to attend the party on her birthday, she may enjoy spending her birthday with friends at softplay play

ClaryFairchild · 03/11/2021 01:40

Always a good idea to try to find out what other birthdays are around the same time as your DCs. My DSs' classes used to have all the birthdays up in the wall at infant school, so if you ever go into the classroom you could see, or perhaps ask the teacher?

We used to organise the party dates with other parents - pre-warn on dates, organise joint parties, etc. but joint parties ONLY if done in advance. Worked well.

IndecentCakes · 03/11/2021 02:13

I wouldn't like someone doing that at all, sorry.