Buying house with DFiance

[GingerWhingerAreet]

This is our situation and I think it's I should be able to have a say.

Fiancé and I, been together 12 years. Engaged 8. Have a 6year old DD. We are renting in nice (probably is expensive) area.

When I met DF we were 19 and his mum persuaded him and his best friend to buy a house as a buy to let investment. Then probably 5 years later DF, his DM and an investor she works with bought a property 3 ways to buy to let.

The first house sold and the money paid off a few debts, some went to savings. Since then after clearing a few debts my DF has been saving approx £600 a month so when the last house sells we will have the money made from that as well as approx £15k in savings to even put to the deposit or depending of what we get from the house sale buy furniture etc etc.

The house we live in is lovely but very small 2 up 2 down cottage. We all love it but it is frustratingly small.

I said that before we buy a house together we need to get married. This was always the plan but we just never got around to it. Registry office style wedding is what we always discussed. As I want to know should anything happen me and my DD will be financially okay. This has now gone out of the window, and he's wanting to buy the house we're in as likely a good investment.

When I say I'd like to look around, perhaps a few villages on for a bigger house he says well you've not saved any money. So I have no say.

Now the only reason he's saved anything is because we use his wage (less savings) to pay bills. My salary is then split each month for spending money.

Aibu to think this isn't 100% fair?

Stop him having access to your earnings. Put spare into a savings account for you in your name

He can dip into his savings for his spending money . If it's £300 a month he takes from you, it'll take you 45 months (4 years) to save up same amount.

Or tell him he puts savings into joint name as they are joint savings

He doesn't unilaterally get to buy a joint house with joint mortgage you don't choose so that's a no go. He can buy the house on his own but you can move out & he can pay CMS. He probably won't be able to afford it

My first ask would be that we get married now. I’d be keeping the monthly savings and we could buy together something that works for both of us, and while he got his head around that idea at least you’re saving some cash.
If you moved out and he had to pay cms he might not be able to afford the house, so he will probably factor that into whether he goes along with this plan or throws his dummy out of the pram. I’d remind him also that his mums house might go to care fees and you aren’t counting on anything from her.

This is just to protect your interests, the marriage and hanging onto your own income especially. You will probably need couples counseling for the relationship to survive, because he’s been a twatface to you.

Yet again, another woman who doesn't see the point in getting married until it's too late and then realises all the protections she's lost out on! You can get married for under £200, if he won't do it then there's a big problem.

He sounds awful.

I made him read this thread. I have all savings in my spare account now and we're going to get married in feb. A lot of hoohar but I got there!!

@GingerWhingerAreet

I made him read this thread. I have all savings in my spare account now and we're going to get married in feb. A lot of hoohar but I got there!!

Wow.

Maybe there is hope for him.

Great result.

Best of luck.

Hurrah and congratulations on your engagement!

Not to say it wasn't slightly traumatic but we got there

Sounds worth it!

My DH wanted to be married but not do the wedding thing (anxiety) painful but we got there after DC!

Why why why do women still get themselves in these financial messes ?

Get the ring (and the cheapest legal & financial protection there is) first. Then buy a home and have children.
It might be old fashioned but you wouldn't be in this clusterfuck of a situation.

It just doesn't seem very romantic, feels transactional.

Never was going to be romantic when neither of us want a wedding.

@DaphneDeloresMoorhead because, life. Sometimes you can't time things how my traditional grandmother would prefer.

Marriage is transactional tbh, it's a legal agreement not a romantic one.

I wish media and people would start shouting from the rooftops that it's a legal contract way beyond the hype of a wedding day.

I agree. Marriage is purely a legal and financial arrangement. Love has nothing to do withit. You can have marriages without love and love without marriage.

Telling women they should get married is as stupid as them saying they "don't need to"

Better to tell a woman, (and men), to educate themselves about the law and about finances.

But yes - congratulations OP - sounds like you worked it out