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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give birthday presents 6 months later?!

37 replies

Rosemary88 · 02/11/2021 10:23

Is this rude or am I overreacting...my friend is rubbish with birthday gifts always forgetting and gives them late, fine for adults but she has only just gave my son his birthday present when his birthday was in April. Same with my other son. I find it rude that she makes no effort it drop it around in time for their birthday.
She really has no excuse now as not working and at home all the time!

OP posts:
user64323 · 02/11/2021 10:33

No that wouldn't bother me. Just like I don't hold if against friends who don't buy gifts for us. In fact close family often forget to buy my kids birthday gifts and I don't hold it against them either. Life is busy for everyone and forgetting things doesn't mean people don't care. It means they've been thinking about it the whole time and even though they didn't get round to if the fact if didn't entirely slip their mind despite this much time shows they care quite a lot imo.

peachescariad · 02/11/2021 10:39

Yes it's rude and actually quite hurtful....everyone uses a diary on their phone, wall calendar, desk diary, work diary on pc etc....there's no excuse.
It's selfish that some people can't make the effort to check birthday dates...if it's a close friend or relative they'll know roughly the date....it's not difficult it's the same date every fucking year.
Rude and selfish...unfortunately, there are quite a few people like that

TheCanyon · 02/11/2021 10:40

My aunt said my 18th birthday present was in the loft and she would give me it later, it's been 17 years now...

Whereis · 02/11/2021 10:42

She’s not obliged to give him a gift so I’d be happy with late rather than never. If she’s at “that age” too when everyone’s having kids it can be extremely expensive keeping up with both friends and family.

You say she’s not working - perhaps she had more pressing expenses up to now.

TrickOrTreat21x · 02/11/2021 10:43

I would just tell her not to worry in the future but I don't expect friends to buy my kids presents.

At least she got him something? I think your attitude is quite rude.

Peaplant20 · 02/11/2021 10:45

I wouldn’t find it rude at all I would just think it was nice to get a gift at all. Growing up we always had the odd present late, and I have occasionally given gifts to friends a few weeks late where I have waited until I’ve seen them rather then sending in the post as I like to give the gift personally. I can see why you’d think it’s rude but I personally wouldn’t find it rude.

Cuntness · 02/11/2021 10:48

My brother is exactly like this.

He forgot to give my parents their main Christmas present from us all last year. We aren't going to trust him again.

Spottybluepyjamas · 02/11/2021 11:00

Not rude or selfish - some people have lives that don't revolve around other people's children. I'd just be grateful for the gift in the first place!

user1493494961 · 02/11/2021 11:01

It wouldn't bother me.

Artie30 · 02/11/2021 11:02

I wouldn't really find it rude. I have an aunt who always sends gifts months late as she's very forgetful. Truth is we don't really expect anything from her at and wish she'd save her money! We all have busy lives too, so I wouldn't be offended!

Workinghardeveryday · 02/11/2021 11:04

I think it’s rude that you aren’t happy, after all she bought a present. Yes if you always buy her kids and drop off in time I would be a bit miffed, but she did buy a present in the end.

Is it more you feel like she doesn’t care about your child that is annoying you possibly?

LittleDandelionClock · 02/11/2021 11:05

Yep YANBU. It's rude and thoughtless, and a stingy afterthought. I have a couple of extended family members who have form for this. But God FORBID you do it to them/their children Hmm

The type who do this are the type who are always late too, and who borrow stuff/money, and never give it back, and who can't drive but expect others to run them around (and NEVER offer petrol money.)

Parasites and users.

Piffle11 · 02/11/2021 15:56

I don’t know if I would use the term rude, but it does make it rather pointless. My friend and I used to exchange gifts, but then it was getting to the point that I would receive my Christmas present five months after Christmas, and my birthday present around four months after my birthday. She didn’t work, didn’t have children or caring responsibilities, no health problems and lived around 15 minutes drive from my house… So I really didn’t see why she couldn’t get it to me on time, when I always manage to make sure she got hers for the day. I ended up saying that we shouldn’t bother anymore.

Piffle11 · 02/11/2021 15:57

Having said that, IME children are happy to receive a gift whenever it arrives, and unless your friend is actively involved in their lives regularly, they probably wouldn’t even notice that they hadn’t received anything from her.

Briony123 · 02/11/2021 16:01

If you don't want her to give your children presents then you must say.

GreenerGrass23 · 02/11/2021 16:05

Oh gosh I have to say this is me!! I am not a terrible person, and being late for stuff is probably my worst trait. I do try very hard to post cards and gifts on time but sometimes life just gets in the way. Or I forget.

For example, I currently have 2 birthday cards on the kitchen table ready for posting.... both birthdays were in October. I forgot to post them and now it's clearly late. So I will give them when I next see them in person. I still Love my friends and family.

I also have a gift for my 9 year old niece which has been wrapped since July. Again I will give it to her when I next see her (I hope!). I saw her a few weeks ago and totally forgot as we were having a good family fun time.

She won't mind it's late. In Fact she'll be delighted to get a late birthday present. And my sister won't think I'm a terrible person.

shouldistop · 02/11/2021 16:09

I would just tell her not to worry in the future but I don't expect friends to buy my kids presents

I agree with this

GreenerGrass23 · 02/11/2021 16:11

@LittleDandelionClock

Yep YANBU. It's rude and thoughtless, and a stingy afterthought. I have a couple of extended family members who have form for this. But God FORBID you do it to them/their children Hmm

The type who do this are the type who are always late too, and who borrow stuff/money, and never give it back, and who can't drive but expect others to run them around (and NEVER offer petrol money.)

Parasites and users.

A bit harsh!

It's not thoughtless - they've clearly thought of getting a gift. And you have no idea if it's stingy.... it could be a very expensive and thoughtful gift! Just a bit late.

I often give things late, but I am Generous and thoughtful with gifts to my friends and family.

I rarely borrow anything (but if I do I make sure to return it on time).

I do drive. And often give lifts to people. I never ask for petrol money from others

Sounds like you should ditch your 'friends' who seem to be just using you. Not everyone is like that!

DarlingCoffee · 02/11/2021 16:13

I simply can’t bear this. It just screams I will do it in my own sweet time and your actual birthday is not important to me. Having said that I’m sure your child will be happy to get an unexpected present when it comes! But as an adult I would rather not get a card than a half hearted late card, weeks after the actual event or even worse, the promise of something still to be sent. Just awful manners IMO.

girlmom21 · 02/11/2021 16:15

I don't think you can be upset when you haven't made the effort to see her in 6 months either.

Babdoc · 02/11/2021 16:17

By not sending the gift on time - and not even a few days late, but six months late - your friend is signalling very clearly where you and your child rank in her priorities. And it’s bottom.
I would suggest relocating her to the bottom of your own priority list. Send your gift to her six months late, too. With a note, explaining that you know she won’t mind as she did the same to you.

BananaPB · 02/11/2021 16:30

It is rubbish not to remember but it's also great because it's a surprise gift in a random day. If your children are old enough you can make it your little joke

trappedsincesundaymorn · 02/11/2021 16:51

I think it's a bit rude to expect non-family members to buy your kids presents TBH. I mean if you don't expect her to buy a gift for their birthday then it wouldn't matter if the gift was given late.

Loyaultemelie · 02/11/2021 17:22

@peachescariad

Yes it's rude and actually quite hurtful....everyone uses a diary on their phone, wall calendar, desk diary, work diary on pc etc....there's no excuse. It's selfish that some people can't make the effort to check birthday dates...if it's a close friend or relative they'll know roughly the date....it's not difficult it's the same date every fucking year. Rude and selfish...unfortunately, there are quite a few people like that
Not everyone uses a diary or calendar why would they Confused Also sometimes life just gets in the way and people are just trying to scrape through the day with everything going on so sending something on time really isn't a priority, the fact is they bought the present and put thought and effort into that then gave it in person at a later date, I think that's far from rude and I would and have been very grateful as have my DCs.
MondeoFan · 02/11/2021 17:26

This would really annoy me. Why can't she get it to you on time?
One of my supposed friends did this to me. I don't even text her anymore.

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