To not want to travel to them again

[Krystalcastles]

It’s a group of old schoolfriends, we always seem to have to meet up where it’s convenient for one of them in particular.

The most she has to travel is a ten minute drive, I don’t drive and it’s over an hour each way once everything is factored in.

It’s her and 2 other friends. I saw her in May and we met at a place convenient for her. In September we met literally on her doorstep.

Now there’s talk of meeting next Sunday, and lo and behold it’ll be in a place that’s very convenient for the 2 others, yet another hour plus each way for me.

I wouldn’t mind if they had been here once or twice but they haven’t. I even said as a friendly suggestion that it’d be great to do something over here as I live in a big city with plenty going on, but nobody replied to that funnily.

I’m sick of it always having to be at their convenience, aibu to say I’m not going ?

Do they live where you all went to school?

I’ve literally just remembered a time we met in July where once again it was no more than a ten minute drive for her

Of course YANBU. If you don’t want to go then don’t. It doesn’t mean you can’t go to the next thing.
Alternatively you could suggest an actual event or place near you rather than a vague suggestion. If they still don’t go for it the. I’d rethink things slightly.

Some of them do but me and a couple of others live further away. They just never bother coming here and expect me to travel each time

They’ve already chosen a place they’ll be going to. We were supposed to be meeting up in my city during the summer, then funnily enough she just happened to know a fantastic restaurant only 5 minutes’ drive from here! But I think I will defibitely rethink things

From her *

If the joy of seeing them isn't worth an hour's drive then I would phase them out as friends.

Comparing who is it more/less convenient for just seems petty.

Yes, don't bother. I have, or had, a couple of friends like this. I was fed up with it all being so one sided, always down to me to make contact, do the travelling etc, when Covid happened I decided to wait for them to contact me first. I'm still waiting!

It’s not petty, it’s also not an hour’s drive as I don’t drive, it’s different buses and trains to get there. It’s very easy to say when you aren’t the person having to travel every single time and it’s 5 minutes away for them

Do they do the organising?

If the bulk of the group still live where you went to school it’s pretty standard to meet there I think. Especially if only a couple of you live elsewhere

Just organise something yourself...10 minutes from you.

We take it in turns to organise, and the place we are meeting isn’t actually where we went to school, it’s a town in which one of the girls lives and that’s why she always suggests places there.
It’s like they never think that maybe they could travel to me for just once

@Krystalcastles

We take it in turns to organise, and the place we are meeting isn’t actually where we went to school, it’s a town in which one of the girls lives and that’s why she always suggests places there. It’s like they never think that maybe they could travel to me for just once

So what happens when you take your turn of organising?

My suggestions don’t really get taken into consideration sadly, I’ve tried it but it’s always ‘Oh well actually there’s this amazing place near me !”

An hour on 2 types of public transport is probably not so far away from a 10 minute drive distance wise is it?

It's your choice not to drive but with that choice comes public transport! Hard to tell without knowing the actual places.

You say you live in a city. Maybe they don't want to drive into a busy city? Hard and expensive to park? Etc.

It’s still over an hour of my time commuting vs 5-10 minutes of theirs. Last time we went there it was only 5 minutes’ walk from her house the place we went to.

They could park near mine or take public transport themselves but they can’t be bothered

@Krystalcastles why don't you tell them explicitly that you always make the effort to travel so once in a way can they not do the same for you? If not then you know where you stand

I should really. I tried to hint at it earlier by saying they should come near to me for once as it would be great, but they all just ignored it

@Krystalcastles

My suggestions don’t really get taken into consideration sadly, I’ve tried it but it’s always ‘Oh well actually there’s this amazing place near me !”

That not the same as you organising though.

Have you actually tried just inviting them to meet at a set place on a set date?

They probably aren't sitting analysing your travel time. Tbh, if the distances in miles are as close as they sound I wouldn't be surprised.

Honestly it’s 25-30 minutes on the train plus getting to the station from mine which can take up to 40 minutes, I know it seems petty but in their case it is less than 5 miles vs almost 20 for me. And this is every single time
I’m not going to go anyway, I have previously invited them to my house with a specific date but they didn’t come, so it just feels like they don’t value me as much

I think me saying that it would be great to do something in my area for once would be enough of a hint but they still ignored it and went ahead.

Give up with the hinting and actually tell them what you think.

I’ve just told them in an honest but polite way. Will it be well received or make any difference? Who knows

Be direct:

Individually message them directly not asking a group
‘I have to use three different modes of transport to get to xx, it wouldn’t be so bad if occasionally we met up in xx. I am not sure I can carry on coming unless we make some adjustments. Do you have any suggestions? As I have already raised this once with the group xx’

Put it out there individually and get some feedback. If it’s still ignored these people are not your friends and don’t really care about you. Not worth your time op.