Joint Account

[TwinkleTwinkleSeren]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this but seeking some advice. DH and I have separate back accounts and this has always worked for us. He is the higher earner and I work part time. A few years ago the subject of us having a joint account came up. At the time DH was over £2,000 into his overdraft, I had finally paid mine off after years and was reluctant to take on his debt. I definitely offended him by saying this and he’s brought it up in arguments. He’s now in a much better position and out of his overdraft but freely says that he would never have a joint account now after what I said. Seeking opinions, was I in the wrong/tactless in what I said? Or was I right to be honest with my doubts?

Both I would say, he sees you as a team and I guess what you said wasn’t in team spirit so I get why he’s upset. He didn’t feel supported by you.

However it’s not your debt and he’s a grown man so you should never take on his debt IMO. Unless it’s under circumstances with a signed agreement etc so if anything happens like you split up that this debt is taken out of his assets and not split.

Just keep your finances seperate. Joint finances are never a good idea IMO.

Tell him to stop dragging up the past looking for arguments and grow up.

I think it's fair enough he doesn't wa t to share an account with you as he obviously earns more but you weren't ok with it when you thought you were better off

But we have separate accounts

In reality you can't really have separate finances in a my experience

@Yogaandcocoa

But we have separate accounts

In reality you can't really have separate finances in a my experience

You can in my experience 🤷🏻‍♀️

If he’s the higher earner, and you were working part time, that sounds like quite a significant difference in salary. Was he paying more into the household? If so, I think I’d be offended if I’d been paying more in but my partner said they didn’t want to “take on my debt”.

He’s a dick to not just deal with it with you, and stop dragging it up in arguments though.

Joint accounts can be a source of friction, not always harmony. I'm not an unreserved fan.

Just keep separate accounts, but ensure that household bills and groceries, childcare etc. are paid for fairly.

Separate finances are generally simpler. Doesn't seem any need to merge them.

We have an account we both put the same percentage of our salaries into for the mortgage, bills etc and then have our own money for everything else we personally need, like our cars, petrol, clothes. Sometimes we need to top up the joint account more regularly than just payday though.

I'd never have a joint current account after having one with exh! A separate joint account for bills is an excellent idea though.

I agree with your second post @Cocomarine

As for separate finances not working do you earn similar amounts? I say this because my DH and I have separate finances apart from a joint account. We pay 50:50 mortgage and bills but everything else is separate. However as I earn quite a bit more I generally pay for almost everything else - food, anything we need for the house, holidays... so the finances are not really separate.

He pays CSM for his DC but I think I essentially subsidise this as he pays nothing for food and other things we need.

This is just our situation.

Always had a joint account - money is the one thing we have never argued about. I can't imagine different accounts in a marriage regardless of who is the higher earner.

@Yogaandcocoa

But we have separate accounts

In reality you can't really have separate finances in a my experience

Why can't you have separate accounts? We've been married 28 years and have separate accounts.

The only account we share is one that is used to handle the finances for a very small business. That is only for convenience. Everything else is separate and we wouldn't want it any other way.

Our joint bank account has been amazing. No discussions, arguments or debates on who pays for what. Everything in and everything out.
Easy and simple

Surely if you're married it's all jointly owned anyway? It's only short term spending money that's the problem and you don't need a joint account to transfer money for bills etc. It would just be for convenience, not materially change anything.
As to being offended I guess that would depend on each of your spending habits and whether he was subsidising you out of his higher wage..but it's clearly really bothered him so probably best to try and get to the bottom of it before it creates bigger problems

It depends what you want a joint account for. We have one which we both deposit into each month and it pays for rent, bills, food and then any meals out or days out we have together. Then we both have our own accounts for whatever we want to buy for ourselves.
You’d probably want to do a proportion of each of your earnings if you did that though. It’s pretty easy for us as we’re both high earners and roughly earn about the same

@StoneofDestiny

Always had a joint account - money is the one thing we have never argued about. I can't imagine different accounts in a marriage regardless of who is the higher earner.

Completely agree with this! Xx

I think you were right not to take his debt on. What was to stop you both opening another a new joint bank account at the time though.

You don't have to have joint bank accounts if you have financial transparency in a relationship - I love a spreadsheet.

@DentalWorries

It depends what you want a joint account for. We have one which we both deposit into each month and it pays for rent, bills, food and then any meals out or days out we have together. Then we both have our own accounts for whatever we want to buy for ourselves. You’d probably want to do a proportion of each of your earnings if you did that though. It’s pretty easy for us as we’re both high earners and roughly earn about the same

Yes that’s what we have. After bills and contributing to the joint account that goes towards joint spends (groceries, clothes for DD, stuff for the house, days out) we make sure we’re left with the same amount of personal spending money - DH earns slightly more than me.

I'd never have a joint account.

DH and I earn vastly different amounts - he just pays for more of the bills than I do, so everything is proportionate to our incomes.

I don't see the need to join all your finances together just because you're a couple

I would think you were a bit cheeky too.

13 years married and never had a joint account. Never needed one even when dc came along. We have paid off the mortgage and both pay different household bills which adds roughly to the same amount. We earn pretty much the same (me a bit higher). I could never have joint finances and neither would he want to. Works for us.

It depends on why he was overdrawn.

Greater burden of household expenses? Or frittering on nonsense?

I don’t really understand why you’d get married and not join finances in some way - you might not have one account for everything but a joint account for bills and food is the only thing that makes sense to me.

You were offensive in your reaction because it showed you did not trust him and thought you would be “taking on his debt” when you wouldn’t be by opening a separate joint account.

However he is unreasonable to keep resurrecting that and flinging it at you every time you argue. Have you ever apologised for saying that? If so, then it is time to tell him to not bring up old hurts that you have already apologised for.