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Original poster

Are your adult DC close to their cousins?

87 replies

hollyjollypolly · 31/10/2021 18:14

I have two adult DS's who are in their early 20's, neither of them are close to their cousins, their youngest cousin is 19 and their oldest is in their 30's. There's no bad blood between the cousins' it's juts that they are not close.

Are your adult DC close to their cousins and how much contact do they have?

OP posts:
VikingLady · 31/10/2021 19:30

I have six cousins - we're so distant that I had to go through each aunt and uncle in order to work out how many kids they have, then add them up. I see them at family funerals only. We were never that close, but the whole family dropped us completely when my dad died. No idea why.

I am friends with one on Facebook, but only one. I doubt I'll see any of them again, since I've no way of knowing now if any of that side of the family die.

Choux · 31/10/2021 19:43

I was thinking about my cousins the other day after spending a few days with one (facilitating our parents who are siblings meeting as they have not been able to for 2 yrs due to Covid) for the first time in several years.

We are six (three sets of siblings) aged 35-55 and spread around the world in four countries. We all really like each other when we meet but geography, life in general and the fact our mutual
Grandparents and half of our parents have died means we have few reasons to meet.

Our sibling parents kept in touch. Us cousins do not.

Sweettea1 · 31/10/2021 19:45

I have 15 cousins only close to 2 of them who I will go out drinking with an such. I think this is because we grew up together lived down the road from each other and still near each other now.

PhoboPhobia · 31/10/2021 19:48

Only one out of 5 really. DH and I have a brother each. DD gets on well with BILs oldest who is a bit older than DD. We don’t often see BILs other 2 as they don’t get on with their own family let alone us!

DD actively dislikes my DBs 2 for very good reasons. I don’t like them much myself unfortunately.

kitcat15 · 31/10/2021 19:55

My 3 have 12 cousins ....my eldest son is close to 2 nephews ( go out the pub yogether) ....my daughter is close to a girl cousin ( they have 2 young children each the same age).... my youngest son is close to a male cousin .... they go fishing together....everyone 3lse just sees each other at family occasions....Next Sunday they will all be together at a great nephews christening

whattodo2019 · 31/10/2021 20:04

No!!! Mainly because I can't stand my SILs...
My kids cousins are also soo different from my kids.

HairyScaryMonster · 31/10/2021 20:05

I am very close to 2 of my cousins, we all had children around the same time and live close. Our mums were sisters and good at keeping in contact. On the other hand I have cousins I haven't seen since I was a child, my dad isn't good at keeping in touch and we lived opposite ends of the country.

EileenGC · 31/10/2021 20:14

I’m early 20s, siblings between 15 and 20.

Not close to any cousins, mainly because each set of us lives in a different country. We used to meet once a year when we were very young, but now we don’t holiday with parents so there are no family meetings anymore.

Cousins range from 10yo to early 30s. I think one of them is pregnant right now but I don’t even have her phone number so I guess I will find out she’s had the baby via FB, if and when Grin

FatOaf · 31/10/2021 20:15

My children hardly ever saw their cousins while growing up (never lived in the same parts of the country), so naturally they're not close to them.

I have loads of cousins, many of whom I've never met and some of whose names I don't even know. (Not 80, but probably around 20.) There's only one I ever speak to, and that might be once every two or three years.

I've never thought of cousins as being close relatives. I'd find it odd if my children were closer to their cousins than to their friends, who they actually have stuff in common with.

BurntO · 31/10/2021 20:18

I grew up too far away from my cousins to have a close relationship that even though I am local to a few now we are not close but they are lovely people.

Puffykins · 31/10/2021 20:18

I have 8 first cousins. 3 of them (my cousins on my mother's side) are like extra siblings, we spent all our holidays together growing up etc. But I'm only particularly close to one of them now. I'm also only close to one of my siblings though. But I'm always pleased to see my cousins.

EmeraldShamrock · 31/10/2021 20:35

I have a lot of first cousins probably 50 both parents were 1 of 10.
I keep in contact with 2 but we all come together for weddings and funerals and get on well.
The older cousins x 4 are good friends they see each other regularly.
They're always there for us in a crisis.

kitcat15 · 31/10/2021 20:39

@FatOaf

My children hardly ever saw their cousins while growing up (never lived in the same parts of the country), so naturally they're not close to them.

I have loads of cousins, many of whom I've never met and some of whose names I don't even know. (Not 80, but probably around 20.) There's only one I ever speak to, and that might be once every two or three years.

I've never thought of cousins as being close relatives. I'd find it odd if my children were closer to their cousins than to their friends, who they actually have stuff in common with.

But they would have stuff in common if they had grown up together....hats odd about being close to family? 🙄I whatsapp my cousin every day..... we live 300 miles from each other...but lived close as children.....my 3 children will be with their 12 cousins and 12 great grandchildren next week for a family christening...my grandchildren are now growing up with my great nieces and nephews.... I think its lovely
Ibizafun · 31/10/2021 20:41

My dd’s cousin is the sister she ever had.

Kite22 · 31/10/2021 20:46

The other adult cousins - all, also in their 20s - yes. Very much so.

The cousins on the other side, who are all children - it is a different sort of relationship. They get on, but only tend to see them at family meet ups.

santabetterwashhishands · 31/10/2021 20:50

My family are toxic so nope ( infact my child was in the same class at school as her cousin for a couple of years before she knew they were related ).
I wouldn't stop them having a cousin friendship but I definitely wouldn't encourage it when I know how bad my family are 🤷‍♀️

eeek88 · 31/10/2021 20:54

The great thing about cousins is you can take them or leave them. I’m very close to 4 of my cousins (one of them is actually a 2nd cousin, the other three technically half-cousins). We go on holiday together and have lots of fun. I have two first ‘full’ cousins who I’m not so close to - one because I actively dislike her and the other because we’re very different. I do make an effort with the one I don’t dislike and she makes an effort with me and I think we are both quite fond of each other despite the fact we would never have been friends. Then I have other cousins I have never met or lost contact with after enforced childhood meetings, and older cousins my parents’ generation who I really click with and tag along when my parents see them because I like them.

MerryPumpkinmas · 31/10/2021 20:56

I am in my mid 20s and have 3 older cousins (all in their 30s). One of them lives in the same town as me and we see each other every couple of months, text fairly regularly. One I see maybe once a year. And the other one I haven't seen in 10 years despite living in the place where I went to university. But we weren't particularly close as children either due to age gap and geographical distance.

bigbluebus · 31/10/2021 20:58

DS is mid 20's. He has 7 cousins. He has probably seen them once a year at most when he was growing up. Over the last 8 years he's seen 3 of them 3 times at funerals but probably didn't say more than a brief hello to them. He's probably seen the other 4 slightly more at family gatherings but he's still not close to them although I wouldn't say he doesn't get on with them. One of them was visiting DS's uni City for an event and did message him to ask if he'd be around to meet up. So it's more a case of if they happen to be in the same place they would make contact but it rarely happens as they're all spread across the country.

NellieBertram · 31/10/2021 21:02

I'm in my 30s and have a lot of cousins in their 20s & 30s. I'm closer to some than others but for example I met one for dinner the other night, I'm going on holiday with some next year, several of my cousins (not siblings to each other) house share, and we see each other at Christmas.

FlickerBeat · 31/10/2021 21:02

Once our nan died, we naturally drifted

Exactly the same here.

Pyewackect · 31/10/2021 21:02

Not very close altho they see their cousins in New York more than their cousins in the South of France !.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 31/10/2021 21:04

Mine only have two first cousins. We hardly ever see them but my middle daughter is in touch with them both. However they are all close to my cousins.

Rosebel · 31/10/2021 21:04

My children aren't adults yet but I'm not sure. Their older cousins are in their 20s and only see them at Christmas and not every year. Their younger cousins they see more often but not sure that will continue. They are very close to their 13 year old cousin and fairly close to their 10 years old cousin but I think that will be it.

MimsyBorogroves · 31/10/2021 21:05

One cousin I am reasonably close to because I'm very close to my aunt and uncle. The rest of them I've seen at family things over the years but couldn't tell you anything about them.

DH would tell you he's very close to all of his cousins, but in the 11 years we've been married he's only seen a couple of them at family events once. Has them on FB but doesn't actually speak to them - his perception really confuses me!

My children have nothing to do with their cousins at all.