Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sorry work related probably boring but Aibu

39 replies

Notwhatweagreed · 31/10/2021 15:40

So ….. DP works part time. Agreement was that when younger dc in reception that I’d go back to work too so we would both be part time.

Over the last few months DP had picked up an extra day ….. hes now informed me that when younger dc at school he ‘can’t wait to be full time’????
Wtf ??

That’s not the agreement. He said it’s about money and he wants to work as prefers it to being at home. Said it’s about money but I can earn the same or more ?

Aibu I want to stick to the agreement!

OP posts:
LIZS · 31/10/2021 15:50

Why do you both need to be pt? Are there consequences if he goes ft?

Arbitan · 31/10/2021 15:52

More info needed.

What are the implications of him going full time?

Bluntness100 · 31/10/2021 15:53

You need to explain more, why can’t he work full time?

riotlady · 31/10/2021 15:53

Why can’t he work full time and you work part time?

Hapoydayz · 31/10/2021 15:54

As long as you can still work part time what is the issue?

flowery · 31/10/2021 15:56

You need to explain why you want to “stick to the agreement”. How does it affect you?

Original poster
Notwhatweagreed · 31/10/2021 15:57

@Arbitan

More info needed.

What are the implications of him going full time?

That I then can’t be part time as well !
OP posts:
girlmom21 · 31/10/2021 15:58

Of course you can be part time if he goes full time. You can go full time if you want. Just pay for wrap around childcare.

Original poster
Notwhatweagreed · 31/10/2021 15:59

@Hapoydayz

As long as you can still work part time what is the issue?
It was just what we agreed. I was meant to return to work when dc was 18months but he has disabilities so we came up with this agreement. It’s been fine but suddenly dp has picked up the extra day and now saying about full time .

The agreement was both part time so that one of us was always at home for dc and the other at work and vice versa

OP posts:
Wildflowers2020 · 31/10/2021 15:59

Why can’t you go back part-time and he pays for childcare to cover the days if he wants full time?

Acheyknees · 31/10/2021 16:00

Why can't you be part time? Do you think you have to go full time as he is full time?

Viviennemary · 31/10/2021 16:00

Its not usual for both partners to work part-time when the dcs are in school. So at the moment only one of you works and then only part-time. How do you survive on one part-time wage with two children.

Theyellowflamingo · 31/10/2021 16:00

You seem to be implying you don’t work. I think it’s very reasonable for a couple with child(ren) where one isn’t working for the other to work full time. You can’t raise a family on many single part time jobs!

Viviennemary · 31/10/2021 16:01

Ok. Drip feed. He has disabilities.

Original poster
Notwhatweagreed · 31/10/2021 16:01

@Wildflowers2020

Why can’t you go back part-time and he pays for childcare to cover the days if he wants full time?
Childcare would be tricky at best due to the medical needs so we had agreed it I didn’t return at 18 m then we would do it this way when dc was school age now I feel like he’s let me believe that till we have less than a year to go and changed the boundaries
OP posts:
Original poster
Notwhatweagreed · 31/10/2021 16:02

@Viviennemary

Ok. Drip feed. He has disabilities.
Sorry it wasn’t an intentional drip feed I was just posting about the main issue in a hurry and thought to keep it to the main issue which was the agreement that was made of that makes sense
OP posts:
Original poster
Notwhatweagreed · 31/10/2021 16:03

@Theyellowflamingo

You seem to be implying you don’t work. I think it’s very reasonable for a couple with child(ren) where one isn’t working for the other to work full time. You can’t raise a family on many single part time jobs!
No I don’t work at the moment we’ve been getting dla and I get carers allowance
OP posts:
JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 31/10/2021 16:03

That’s not the agreement. He said it’s about money and he wants to work as prefers it to being at home. Said it’s about money but I can earn the same or more ?

What if YOU prefer to work rather than be at home? Why do his wants trump yours?

Anyway. What did he say when you challennged him on moving the goalposts in this way?

Original poster
Notwhatweagreed · 31/10/2021 16:03

@Viviennemary

Its not usual for both partners to work part-time when the dcs are in school. So at the moment only one of you works and then only part-time. How do you survive on one part-time wage with two children.
We get topped up with the dla / carers and a bit of UC
OP posts:
Theyellowflamingo · 31/10/2021 16:03

So why can’t he be full time now if you aren’t working?

girlmom21 · 31/10/2021 16:04

So is your child not going to be in full time school?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 31/10/2021 16:04

Having read your updates then yes thats unfair. I'd be asking him what he is doing to sort childcare on 'his' day with your child. Has he unilaterally decided you're going to be a SAHP permanently then without even talking to you about it?

Original poster
Notwhatweagreed · 31/10/2021 16:05

@girlmom21

So is your child not going to be in full time school?
Next sep he will be in full time school
OP posts:
girlmom21 · 31/10/2021 16:05

So next September you can work part time as planned, can't you?

Original poster
Notwhatweagreed · 31/10/2021 16:06

If we are both part time the reasoning was that one of us will always be at home in case there’s illness or a hospital appt and if there’s been a bad night or things need doing (eg we have lots of extra washing) then one of us is home to do it while the others at work

OP posts: