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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sorry work related probably boring but Aibu

39 replies

Notwhatweagreed · 31/10/2021 15:40

So ….. DP works part time. Agreement was that when younger dc in reception that I’d go back to work too so we would both be part time.

Over the last few months DP had picked up an extra day ….. hes now informed me that when younger dc at school he ‘can’t wait to be full time’????
Wtf ??

That’s not the agreement. He said it’s about money and he wants to work as prefers it to being at home. Said it’s about money but I can earn the same or more ?

Aibu I want to stick to the agreement!

OP posts:

Original poster

Notwhatweagreed · 31/10/2021 16:07

Plus both being part time eventually meant that both get an equal chance to be out of the house which is like having a break

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 31/10/2021 16:07

You can do that with you both working. That's what dependants leave is for.

riotlady · 31/10/2021 16:07

Sorry it wasn’t an intentional drip feed I was just posting about the main issue in a hurry and thought to keep it to the main issue which was the agreement that was made of that makes sense

The agreement aspect only matter so far as that agreement makes sense in light of your current circumstances. If your child can’t go to after school club because of his disabilities then yes, your husband is being unreasonable. Is there any chance of him being able to rearrange his hours so he can work those days but still do pickup?

Original poster

Notwhatweagreed · 31/10/2021 16:10

I just want to stick to what we agreed . I had to change my plans previously which I did but based on us coming to this agreement and I feel like it’s all been fine while I stuck to it but now it’s not

OP posts:

RandomMess · 31/10/2021 16:12

YANBU you need to tell him that you will be returning part time. Start looking for a job now and he'll have to drop his extra day.

Brefugee · 31/10/2021 16:12

i think one of the thing about having children is that sometimes you have to revise agreements and reach compromises. This may be one of those times

Theyellowflamingo · 31/10/2021 16:13

If he’s only part time now, why can’t you get a part time job now, if you want to work?

Original poster

Notwhatweagreed · 31/10/2021 16:15

@Theyellowflamingo

If he’s only part time now, why can’t you get a part time job now, if you want to work?

I suggested it actually a few months ago and he said we should stick to the agreement and then he picked up the extra day not long after so now I assume that was because I mentioned it

I just want to get out of the house if I’m honest I think I feel trapped and I don’t get to use my mind

OP posts:

RandomMess · 31/10/2021 16:19

Basically he doesn't want to do sole care of your DC.

You need to have a talk about it and tell him you are going to start looking for work now and he needs to do his share of sole parenting.

Original poster

Notwhatweagreed · 31/10/2021 16:26

@RandomMess

Basically he doesn't want to do sole care of your DC.

You need to have a talk about it and tell him you are going to start looking for work now and he needs to do his share of sole parenting.

I think this is it

I know as well of he was full time and me part time my job will be seen as lesser so of there’s an appt or illness even if it’s my day working I’ll be expected to step is as ill ‘only’ be part time.

It’s probably silly as I technically don’t have to but i really need to use my mind. To put some make up on, to leave the house, to use my mind, do a job, etc etc

OP posts:

RandomMess · 31/10/2021 16:30

Have the conversation with him and call him out on not wanting to look after DC on his own and not wanting to share the parenting.

Tell him you need to work and be treated equally and build your pension and career opportunities and he can stop being misogynistic and dump the child rearing and mental road on you.

LindaLooky · 31/10/2021 16:52

Yanbu, it's what you both agreed and you need to stick to it.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 31/10/2021 18:51

I think people should be allowed to change their mind, especially when it comes to something as important as their career and life choices. You will need to sit down and devise a new plan that allows him to work full time (if that's what he wants), you to work the number of days that you want to, and childcare to be split fairly.

Maybe thinking through the logistics and practicalities in detail will lead him back to the original plan.

SoftplayTaintedLove · 01/11/2021 05:37

@fourminutestosavetheworld he doesn't "want to work full time" he wants to get out of the challenging bits of parenting the child with disabilities. OP feels she has made a decision that full time work simply isn't possible when you have a child with this particular set of needs (whatever they are). She thought he was on board and making the same level of compromise. But saying he fancies going back to work full time is effectively saying "Fuck you, OP. you do it".

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