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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A wedding one

59 replies

RacketeerRalph · 31/10/2021 14:14

AIBU to think you shouldn't be angry if no-one wants to go to your stupidly expensive wedding abroad?

Not really involving me as we said no aaaagggeeees ago as the kids would have been 18 months and 4 and didn't feel comfortable leaving them for 5 days to go abroad.

On one hand, I really feel for this family member - wedding pushed a year due to COVID but on the other hand I think you reap what you sow.

Family member has planned a wedding abroad in a European country, looks like a beautiful venue and I'm sure it'll be lovely. It's a child free wedding which is fine, but it's also a day before and day after event with no kids allowed at any of it so it's not like you can make a family holiday of it.

They invited about 60 people and have today launched a social media rampage about how selfish people are for not prioritising their wedding. They only have 7 people attending; bride's parents, sister and aunt and groom's brother, finance and uncle. All friends and other family have declined.

DH and I considered going and taking in law's with us for childcare until we found out it was a 3 day affair and that it would cost us almost £10k for 6 of us for 4 nights without spending money, outfits etc!

I can't help feel it's karma though, this family very bitchy about pretty much everyone.

OP posts:

Moonshine11 · 31/10/2021 14:18

YANBU
Child free destination wedding is never going to work well IMO.

NeverChange · 31/10/2021 14:22

If the cost didn't put me off, the social media rampage definitely would.

SafeMove · 31/10/2021 14:25

Prioritise their wedding?! I wouod be commenting that it isn't the wedding people are deprioritising. Its the thousands of pounds price tag!

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/10/2021 14:26

Child free is fine esp if local or drivable

Child free abroad isn’t

Bellyups · 31/10/2021 14:27

Twats.

Acheyknees · 31/10/2021 14:30

Oh dear, they're in a tight spot now
Do they go ahead with a very small destination wedding or change the arrangements to be more accommodating.... But they've pissed everyone off now?

wallowmall · 31/10/2021 14:31

I went to 2 family destination weddings, children were included. On both occasions our accommodation was paid for so we only had to pay for flights which were reasonably cheap. That's how you do a destination wedding not by expecting others to pay 10k.

DriftingBlue · 31/10/2021 14:31

You should have enabled voting.

You might have scored 100% selfish on this one.

TurquoiseDragon · 31/10/2021 14:32

Someone needs to remind them that it's an invitation, not a summons.

And a child free destination wedding is not going to be popular.

LittleLottieChaos · 31/10/2021 14:35

I can’t believe so many absolute tools are still doing their weddings abroad … while the world literally burns. Sounds like they’re awful people and you’re doing well to avoid this hell.

Ellmau · 31/10/2021 14:38

Awkward. But they were (more than) a bit naive not to realise this might happen.

Original poster

RacketeerRalph · 31/10/2021 14:43

@Acheyknees

Oh dear, they're in a tight spot now Do they go ahead with a very small destination wedding or change the arrangements to be more accommodating.... But they've pissed everyone off now?

And spent loooooaaaaads of money

OP posts:

Original poster

RacketeerRalph · 31/10/2021 14:48

I do feel for them to a degree, but it's a fairly expensive destination and not somewhere renowned for being family friendly if people did decide to make it a family holiday.

They also didn't invite partners initially which pissed a few people off (I don't mean +1 type but partners been together 2+ years, living together sort of thing). When it became apparent that they wouldn't have so many guests they did extend the invite to partners. Most of their friends now have kids or were pregnant when they started planning so it's not like it couldn't be foreseen.

FYI I like a child free wedding, I generally choose not to take mine even if they are invited! But not abroad.

OP posts:

Isababybel · 31/10/2021 14:57

I thought people had destination weddings partly to avoid having lots of guests..
Yanbu

Original poster

RacketeerRalph · 31/10/2021 15:01

@Isababybel

I thought people had destination weddings partly to avoid having lots of guests.. Yanbu

Not these guys. They just overestimated other people's interest in them I think.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 31/10/2021 15:10

After their social media tantrum, I wouldn't even send them a card as a matter of principle. They sound like self-absorbed, entitled twats.

Moonshine11 · 31/10/2021 15:12

I'm intrigued to know what the comments have been like on their rampage?!

movpov · 31/10/2021 15:17

They seem to have not realised that not everyone is invested in weddings as much as the couple are. Also - if they're very bitchy, that could be a factor - nobody wants to spend thousands of £ on a wedding where the couple/family are bitchy about folk. Maybe they're not as popular as they think

Original poster

RacketeerRalph · 31/10/2021 15:19

@Moonshine11

I'm intrigued to know what the comments have been like on their rampage?!

Social media rampages are fairly common for this person. There's rarely a response other then from a parent.

OP posts:

Original poster

RacketeerRalph · 31/10/2021 15:20

The bride is one of those who posts "be kind" all over the place.

OP posts:

WomanStanleyWoman · 31/10/2021 15:45

I think destination weddings are fine - IF you accept that your guest list is likely to be limited due to the inconvenience, cost or both for many.

Some friends of mine had a destination wedding because they were both from different countries and each side of the family kept trying to argue the wedding should be in their home country. They made such a fuss that my friends decided they wouldn’t get married in either country. In those circumstances, I think it was fair enough to expect the families to travel.

Kipperandarthur · 31/10/2021 15:47

It’s rather obvious that child free over 3 days just doesn’t work. One would have thought that they would have given this fact some serious thought themselves. But clearly not.

Personally I hate destination weddings full stop. But add in extra levels of difficulty for your guests and this is the result. 52 other people clearly have the same thoughts on this. Can they all be wrong? I don’t think so.

FreedomFaith · 31/10/2021 15:56

@Ellmau

Awkward. But they were (more than) a bit naive not to realise this might happen.

Hilarious too. People can be so stupid, they've literally just lost most of their friends by posting that. Still have family obviously, but maybe not family members that want to talk to them anymore. What morons.

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 31/10/2021 15:59

Personally I think anyone who plans their wedding abroad is a cheeky fucker. I wouldn't go either.

Catflapkitkat · 31/10/2021 16:11

Take away kids, financial restraints, age related 'can't be arsedness' - it's still too close to the 'Global Pandemic' for me. Another varient/flare up is a real possibility. My priority is my health and my loved ones (some vulnerable) not a wedding. If they cut their losses and have a small local wedding, people will be more empathetic and they will be achieve their end goal ... marriage.

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