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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A wedding one

59 replies

RacketeerRalph · 31/10/2021 14:14

AIBU to think you shouldn't be angry if no-one wants to go to your stupidly expensive wedding abroad?

Not really involving me as we said no aaaagggeeees ago as the kids would have been 18 months and 4 and didn't feel comfortable leaving them for 5 days to go abroad.

On one hand, I really feel for this family member - wedding pushed a year due to COVID but on the other hand I think you reap what you sow.

Family member has planned a wedding abroad in a European country, looks like a beautiful venue and I'm sure it'll be lovely. It's a child free wedding which is fine, but it's also a day before and day after event with no kids allowed at any of it so it's not like you can make a family holiday of it.

They invited about 60 people and have today launched a social media rampage about how selfish people are for not prioritising their wedding. They only have 7 people attending; bride's parents, sister and aunt and groom's brother, finance and uncle. All friends and other family have declined.

DH and I considered going and taking in law's with us for childcare until we found out it was a 3 day affair and that it would cost us almost £10k for 6 of us for 4 nights without spending money, outfits etc!

I can't help feel it's karma though, this family very bitchy about pretty much everyone.

OP posts:
Mulberrygirl3 · 31/10/2021 16:21

So not only children not invited but partners not invited either. Who does that? Quite bizarre. Well sounds like people have voted with their feet

SpookyS · 31/10/2021 16:21

We've just declined a close friends abroad wedding.

It would be 5 days annual leave for us to a location we don't particularly want to visit, and would cost almost £3k.

Which would mean no holiday at all for us.

Notaroadrunner · 31/10/2021 16:26

Who on earth considers themselves so popular that they'd expect 60 people to want to travel to their wedding abroad? They've just found out that nobody gives a shit about their wedding and are having a strop. It's pathetic to bring it up on SM - really shows them to be like the spoilt entitled brats they must be.

BaggingAria · 31/10/2021 16:26

A childfree destination wedding is just a holiday with Trish, Dan, Dan's family, the bits of Trish's family that she's still speaking to, Dan's mates from uni, 'the girls' from Trish's HR dept, 32 random people and Andrea.

WomanStanleyWoman · 31/10/2021 16:33

GrinGrinGrin

girlmom21 · 31/10/2021 16:34

Can you post screenshots for a laugh?

RacketeerRalph · 31/10/2021 16:36

@girlmom21

Can you post screenshots for a laugh?
I should have name changed shouldn't I!
OP posts:
Ellmau · 31/10/2021 16:36

Only if OP is happy being in the Daily Mail/Sun...

Dixiechickonhols · 31/10/2021 16:43

Whilst tempting to respond along lines of what did you expect - it’s abroad and 3 days child free nothing good will come of it. They’ll realise how stupid they were when they have children. Are grooms parents not bothering either?

BeautifulandWilfulandDead · 31/10/2021 16:48

I had a 'destination' wedding, albeit an affordable, European destination. Children were very much invited and welcomed. No one declined. We did however insist on no presents as our guests had forked out up be there. It was wonderful. Destination ok, child free ok, but not both- it's completely untenable.

TheGirlCat · 31/10/2021 17:37

I don't know what goes through the heads of people who want destination weddings apart from that they are selfish, inconsiderate and grabby and clearly don't think their own country is good enough to get married in. I'd rather get married in my own country as I'd worry about lodging paperwork back home. I don't know if this an issue but I wouldn't want to deal with all the hassle. No matter how close I am to someone, even if I was loaded with money, I would decline a 'destination wedding' invite on principle because I don't agree with them. I love my home country, my neighbours, family and friends and would want them there with me in my gorgeous country to witness the wedding, not in a country of strangers where I and people I wanted there couldn't come. That would be self-defeating. What's the point? Unless it's to ostracise people and piss them off.

TheGirlCat · 31/10/2021 17:39

@Ellmau

Only if OP is happy being in the Daily Mail/Sun...
It doesn't matter, no one will know which of the 53 declinees posted it on here.

Screenshots (with names blacked out of course) would be great!

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 31/10/2021 17:43

I'd be so tempted to post #bekind on her rampage

TheGirlCat · 31/10/2021 17:49

@CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson

I'd be so tempted to post #bekind on her rampage
Yes! I would be too.
LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 31/10/2021 17:53

Wow. Many families haven't been abroad for nearly 2 years, why would use their leave and money to attend a brats wedding when they can have a lovely family one?!

RampantIvy · 31/10/2021 17:53

Abroad
Child free
Expensive
Annual leave
Partners not invited
Covid
Rude social media posts
Environmental reasons not to fly

I think we have a full house now Grin

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 31/10/2021 18:23

@BaggingAria

A childfree destination wedding is just a holiday with Trish, Dan, Dan's family, the bits of Trish's family that she's still speaking to, Dan's mates from uni, 'the girls' from Trish's HR dept, 32 random people and Andrea.
PMSL Grin
gettingolderandgrumpy · 31/10/2021 19:04

Well well well ain’t karma a bitch ! Tbh honest op they don’t sound particularly pleasant people so it’s not just the cost that’s put people off , although I agree if it was local they’d have people more likely coming but for people that sound so self obsessed why would anyone make a effort?.

Yogawankonobi · 31/10/2021 19:09

I need to know what the ‘rampage’ said!

Lasair · 31/10/2021 19:33

Madness

HunterHearstHelmsley · 31/10/2021 20:41

I'm childfree and it would incredibly unlikely that I'd go to a destination wedding. Only if it were my closest family.

The cost is usually restrictive. I don't go abroad often and want to choose where to go myself. I wouldn't want to use a best part of a weeks annual leave... etc etc.

AntiHop · 31/10/2021 20:47

You've got to reply publicly to her post, explain that you can't attend a child free wedding abroad when you have young children, then update us on her reaction.

Larryyourwaiter · 31/10/2021 20:54

It’s spending a fortune on a holiday you haven’t chosen.
I remember being young and going to lots of weddings and the annual leave thing was a total pain when they weren’t local/on a Saturday. But several days, no chance.

I don’t know many people who have child care for 5 days that easily.

Kite22 · 31/10/2021 21:08

I thought people had destination weddings partly to avoid having lots of guests..

This ^
Even before COVID.

RacketeerRalph · 01/11/2021 23:13

@Kite22

I thought people had destination weddings partly to avoid having lots of guests..

This ^
Even before COVID.

I always assumed that too. But these guys actually expected everyone to come!

Groom's parents aren't coming because they think it's unfair that some people are excluded due ill health (can't fly, but could attend if in the UK).

OP posts: