To think he should have taken the baby out?

[Shatteredbauble]

I may well be being unreasonable.

Had an absolutely awful night with DD (teeth) where I got no sleep at all. I took her in the spare room, told Dh I’d sort her but could he have her in the morning so I could sleep.

In the morning I gave her to him. She was screaming hysterically.

Rather than take her into the lounge and try to settle her he just kept her in the room next to mine so I couldn’t sleep anyway.

AIBU or not? I might be being really arsey and grumpy for no good reason.

YANBU but I find I have to spell this kind of thing out to DH.

Yes … so bloody annoying though.

Mmm not sure. I see your point, absolutely, but sometimes I did the same e.g. if it was very cold outside, or raining etc

I don’t mean go outside - I just mean somewhere in the house where I couldn’t hear her. As it was it was like having her crying in the room with me.

Did you stay in the bedroom next to his while she was unsettled all night though?

Why didn't you just say to him go downstairs.
I had to be very blunt and to the point sometimes with DP.
It doesn't always register with them 😂

She wasn’t screaming all night.

Moonshine because I wanted to fucking SLEEP, not get up and have a conversation. I wanted SLEEP.

I'd worry about him having enough common sense to look after a baby if he couldn't work that out for himself

@Shatteredbauble

She wasn’t screaming all night.

Moonshine because I wanted to fucking SLEEP, not get up and have a conversation. I wanted SLEEP.

There's no need to be rude 🙈 Takes two seconds to say go downstairs. I've been there I know how hard it is but the situation could have been fixed in seconds and you would have slept

Sometimes you need to tell them what to do, but be prepared to be called a nag.

YANBU

I had this too but, once I explained it to DH he did start taking DD downstairs and closing doors so I could rest properly. I think, like all of us, their brains shut down when faced with a screaming baby they're trying their best to placate.

I’m not being rude, I’m screaming in desperation!

WhT you don’t seem to be getting though is when you’re on the verge of sleep getting up and saying something to someone might take two seconds but it wakes you up meaning getting back to sleep is hard / impossible. And DD saw me and wanted me then. So bam chance to sleep gone. And if tonight is like last night it will be equally horrific!

YANBU but I don’t think most partners who aren’t the primary caregiver understand the true depth and torture of a bad night with a baby. Doubly true if you’re breastfeeding a teething baby, ain’t no torture like it.

Time to have a chat to make sure this is a one-off: “When I say ‘take her in the morning so I can sleep’, I mean ‘I’ll do the night shift then in the morning you actually have to physically remove her screams from near me, I don’t care where or how, but you have to parent, not just lie in bed with a screaming baby feeling like you’re giving me a break. Strap her in the sling, put a rain coat over it and fetch me 3 croissants.’” (You may want to vary the specificity of this instruction )

You won’t sleep because you’re mad at him. I’ve been there.
Today, when you’re calm, tell him what you want him to do.

When you handed the baby over, that would have been your opportunity to have told your partner that you would like them to take the baby downstairs or out of earshot.

Some people, for whatever reason, just don’t think outside their own little world.

If you have a certain expectation then you need to make that clear.

When you handed the baby over, that would have been your opportunity to have told your partner that you would like them to take the baby downstairs or out of earshot.

I understand your point but why have we such low expectations that partners don’t do this automatically

I’m not always brilliant at making myself clear when I’ve had two hours broken sleep. I must clearly try to be a bit better at this

He can stay up with her tonight. That might help you feel better.

Also if she had seen you and wanted you.... He still could have taken her away. You're not a slave to her and need rest.

Poor you... it does get better, OP, but sleep deprivation is utter hell when you're in it.

Next time, tell the dopey bastard directly- take her downstairs, I need sleep or I am going to have a breakdown.

Yanbu. My DH goes into the living room and closes all doors in-between us to give me time to sleep when I've been up with DS in the night

@Shatteredbauble

I’m not being rude, I’m screaming in desperation!

WhT you don’t seem to be getting though is when you’re on the verge of sleep getting up and saying something to someone might take two seconds but it wakes you up meaning getting back to sleep is hard / impossible. And DD saw me and wanted me then. So bam chance to sleep gone. And if tonight is like last night it will be equally horrific!

But you were awake to give her to him anyway, so you should have said "look, I've had two hours sleep - could you please take her downstairs/to the park so I have a chance to rest".

If he's been asleep all night he probably doesn't realise how tired you are or what the problem is with taking her to the room next door.

I'd have just sent him a text message OP - would have taken half a second and not required you to get up

It's totally OK to be totally frustrated that he didn't think.

But sometimes everyone needs really clear instructions.

So next time, when you hand him the baby simply say. Please take her downstairs. I won't be to sleep if I can hear her

Yuk. Memory of this kind of thing makes me shudder

Hope you get some rest soon.

Tbh, let him do tonight's shift, then wake him early doors and let her make noise nearby. He will soon learn how infuriating it is!

If DH did this I'd be very very annoyed.