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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Behaviour of kids

54 replies

Piccoloriccolo · 30/10/2021 16:26

Maybe I have just had a few bad experiences recently but it seems there are more parents who are afraid to tell children off in public or at all? In the last week I have witnessed a child throwing a water bottle over and over again in a waiting area and the relentless thud thud thud for 30 mins was just met by mum smiling benignly. Next a boy in a super market who kept walking backwards and knocking in to people and things. Parent didn’t raise an eyebrow. Today child in lamp shop spinning the shades round on expensive fragile lamps, running up and down the aisles. Parents and grandparents just laughed and smiled. Finally greetings card shop child was hitting card displays and pulling cards out scattering them across the floor and parent said nothing and left the mess for the shop assistant to clear. I have kids myself but can’t ever recall letting this sort of thing go. I understand the waiting area one the most but even then would you not bring something with you like headphones or a tablet. I do have SEN kid so I know there maybe additional support needs but I would still let my child know it’s wrong to walk in to people, destroy displays etc and if it continued we leave. I know it’s shit but sometimes children have to be told especially when high functioning.

OP posts:
Cuntness · 30/10/2021 16:29

People are cunts.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 30/10/2021 16:32

Yes but also I would like to say my 3 year old was being silly at the airport the other day (usual stuff didn’t want to queue, playing with the queue marker things, rolling on floor etc) and I got a LOT of looks when I told him off (and by telling off I meant slightly loud “DS, STOP BEING SILLY THIS IS THE LAST TIME” and then “NO IPAD” etc etc. People were looking at me like I was some sort of monster!!! I was a bit…like I didn’t know if people thought I was being too strict or if I was being lax and that was the judgement? Lots of judgement all the same so perhaps can’t win?!

Piccoloriccolo · 30/10/2021 16:40

Yes I know what you mean . My kids always say I tell them off too loudly if they misbehave but at least we are trying. I think in situations where you and the child are effectively trapped it’s really hard as you have little choice but to wait . Still better to see parents making an effort rather than ignoring the kids or acting like the annoying behaviour is cute!

OP posts:
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 30/10/2021 16:42

I just remember being younger and that feeling of knowing in public my mother would never tell me off and then my horror one day when she did and my realisation of “oh fuck, the supermarket is not a safe place to dick around anymore” (but probably with less swearing as I was small) 😆 I think it’s important to tell them off in public but equally just wish people could display more understanding on their face - like a knowing smile or something…parenting 🙈

Rosesareyellow · 30/10/2021 16:45

Some people genuinely don’t care but I think many are also embarrassed to tell their kids off because it might draw more attention or because they know their kids won’t listen anyway.

DDUW · 30/10/2021 16:47

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

BrunoJenkins · 30/10/2021 16:51

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

Yes but also I would like to say my 3 year old was being silly at the airport the other day (usual stuff didn’t want to queue, playing with the queue marker things, rolling on floor etc) and I got a LOT of looks when I told him off (and by telling off I meant slightly loud “DS, STOP BEING SILLY THIS IS THE LAST TIME” and then “NO IPAD” etc etc. People were looking at me like I was some sort of monster!!! I was a bit…like I didn’t know if people thought I was being too strict or if I was being lax and that was the judgement? Lots of judgement all the same so perhaps can’t win?!
I'd have thought you were being unnecessarily strict. The things you described wouldn't have bothered me and actually I'd have appreciated him letting off some steam in the airport rather than on the plane!
CheesecakeAddict · 30/10/2021 16:53

I don't think it's necessarily all on the kids. They are kids being kids. It's the parents not dealing with it that is the issue.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 30/10/2021 16:57

@BrunoJenkins

Maybe but at some point they need to learn to stand and queue correctly. I think I was somewhat prompted by the fact that allllll the other children his age were standing quietly and nicely and he was rolling on the floor. I also have extreme pregnancy sickness and I was feeling v unwell/wrangling a 1 year old so my tolerance for shenanigans escalating was low. He did also lick the glass on a partition.

Embroidery · 30/10/2021 17:12

I see it on here too. Pp let there kids get so feral that they can't stand being around them and then complain on here.
Set some boundaries and consequences ffs!
If you.let them get so bad that you hate being around them youre doing them zero favours and IT IS NOT GOOD PARENTING.

MrsBobDylan · 30/10/2021 20:00

We get respite for our middle school because he is disabled. We like to take our other two dc out to eat during respite because it is something we can't do otherwise.

The couple on the next table were so fucking annoying last week. Their little kids were crying and walking off throughout the meal. The parents argued with each other rather than look after their kids.

We don't take ds11 out to eat because we respect other people's right to eat their meal in peace. I am about as easy going as it gets and love hearing children chatter and don't mind the tears and tantrums, but these parents were so entitled, we were astonished. And pissed off.

MrsBobDylan · 30/10/2021 20:00

@CheesecakeAddict

I don't think it's necessarily all on the kids. They are kids being kids. It's the parents not dealing with it that is the issue.
This. Spot on.
Offmyfence · 30/10/2021 20:02

Yeah, it was much better when they sent them up chimneys!

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 30/10/2021 20:06

damned if you do, damned if you don't
🤷‍♀️

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/10/2021 20:08

Parents are just people: some are lazy, some are ignorant of their surroundings; some are worn down, etc. You also never know what took place in the 23hrs prior to that melt down etc.
Equally people are so judgemental when people tell off their children, I’ve had women look at me whilst I tell off my then 3yr old in a supermarket car park- you cannot win!

tiredanddangerous · 30/10/2021 20:09

So many parents just won't say no, or tell their dc off. I actually had to leave the room the other week when my dsis was doing a singsong "gentle hands ds" as he whacked her in the face with Thomas the tank engine. These kids will be adults one day and it genuinely scares me.

MaskingForIt · 30/10/2021 20:16

Maybe they have autism and it’s their way of regulating emotion?

Offmyfence · 30/10/2021 20:21

@tiredanddangerous

So many parents just won't say no, or tell their dc off. I actually had to leave the room the other week when my dsis was doing a singsong "gentle hands ds" as he whacked her in the face with Thomas the tank engine. These kids will be adults one day and it genuinely scares me.
Don't be so dramatic
PheonixGlitterRepublic · 30/10/2021 20:24

I’m probably both overly permitting and overly strict with DC in public depending on the circumstances and my tolerance that day... I think strict gets more disapproving looks honestly!

Justanotherquestioner · 30/10/2021 20:24

Oh goodness. I'm THAT parent who has a nearly 5 year old trying to crawl across the floor of a shopping centre and a 3 year old walking beautifully alongside me. I don't bother telling my eldest off as by that point he's usually so far gone - too overstimulated, too overwhelmed- to listen or attempt to follow any guidance.

OhPatti · 30/10/2021 20:29

I'd have thought you were being unnecessarily strict. The things you described wouldn't have bothered me and actually I'd have appreciated him letting off some steam in the airport rather than on the plane!

You'd let your child roll around on the floor in an airport?

AudacityBaby · 30/10/2021 20:37

YANBU but this thread will just descend into a bun fight over SEN. They always do.

Stellaris22 · 30/10/2021 20:40

We regularly get a family in the food shop where I work. They purposefully get their kids to be loud, disruptive and cause havoc all over the shop. They then use their kids as a distraction to shoplift.

beetuljoos · 30/10/2021 20:46

Most of my friends are like this. Out for lunch at a bougie place the other day and she was allowing her toddler and 7 year old to lie on the floor. Not really causing any particular harm but I wouldn't have allowed it, but then she thinks I'm too strict with mine.

Branleuse · 30/10/2021 20:48

I am careful not to escalate situations with my children in public and prefer to deal with things in private than shout at them in public. Performance discipline is embarrasing