Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Behaviour of kids

54 replies

Piccoloriccolo · 30/10/2021 16:26

Maybe I have just had a few bad experiences recently but it seems there are more parents who are afraid to tell children off in public or at all? In the last week I have witnessed a child throwing a water bottle over and over again in a waiting area and the relentless thud thud thud for 30 mins was just met by mum smiling benignly. Next a boy in a super market who kept walking backwards and knocking in to people and things. Parent didn’t raise an eyebrow. Today child in lamp shop spinning the shades round on expensive fragile lamps, running up and down the aisles. Parents and grandparents just laughed and smiled. Finally greetings card shop child was hitting card displays and pulling cards out scattering them across the floor and parent said nothing and left the mess for the shop assistant to clear. I have kids myself but can’t ever recall letting this sort of thing go. I understand the waiting area one the most but even then would you not bring something with you like headphones or a tablet. I do have SEN kid so I know there maybe additional support needs but I would still let my child know it’s wrong to walk in to people, destroy displays etc and if it continued we leave. I know it’s shit but sometimes children have to be told especially when high functioning.

OP posts:
StarfishDish · 30/10/2021 20:49

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

Yes but also I would like to say my 3 year old was being silly at the airport the other day (usual stuff didn’t want to queue, playing with the queue marker things, rolling on floor etc) and I got a LOT of looks when I told him off (and by telling off I meant slightly loud “DS, STOP BEING SILLY THIS IS THE LAST TIME” and then “NO IPAD” etc etc. People were looking at me like I was some sort of monster!!! I was a bit…like I didn’t know if people thought I was being too strict or if I was being lax and that was the judgement? Lots of judgement all the same so perhaps can’t win?!
@Justheretoaskaquestion91 You sound like you did the right thing. Halloween Grin

I remember telling my nephew he couldn't have any sweets and explained why (he'd already had several telling offs for misbehaving and the previous time he'd been told if his behaviour continued, he wouldn't get any sweets). A woman actually tutted at me and gave me such a death glare Halloween Blush

madmumofteens · 30/10/2021 20:52

I've noticed it too OP hate going shopping now tbh kids allowed to use supermarkets like a play area I frequently get the rage

Offmyfence · 30/10/2021 20:53

@madmumofteens

I've noticed it too OP hate going shopping now tbh kids allowed to use supermarkets like a play area I frequently get the rage
If it's so awful, do online?
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 30/10/2021 20:54

@StarfishDish

Thanks for that. It was really mortifying at the time because of the death stares and I don’t know what “performance discipline” looks like @Branleuse but sometimes it’s necessary to deal with a situation then and there rather than letting children run amok and trying to discuss ages later after the fact. Suppose depends on the age group - mine are currently at the level of our spaniel in terms of reasonable behaviour 😃

Offmyfence · 30/10/2021 20:55

@beetuljoos

Most of my friends are like this. Out for lunch at a bougie place the other day and she was allowing her toddler and 7 year old to lie on the floor. Not really causing any particular harm but I wouldn't have allowed it, but then she thinks I'm too strict with mine.
What's a boogie place?
firstimemamma · 30/10/2021 20:58

Yanbu. I always insist my 3 year old behaves in public and give him 2 warnings then if he gets to a third we go straight home. He's a good boy and we've only ever had to leave somewhere on 2 occasions.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 30/10/2021 21:01

@firstimemamma

I do the same at playgrounds etc and it’s v effective and I find once you do it once and follow through you seldom have to again. Very hard at an airport though in the security queue 😃🤪 I was honestly like oh bollocks now what?! I usually count down from 5 and my mother always laughs at me and is like but what happens when you get to 5?! The answer is nothing but he hasn’t worked that out yet 😁

Murdoch1949 · 30/10/2021 21:06

Some parents seem afraid to actually parent their children, they prefer to be friends. We’re not friends, we’re parents. It can be hard work but it pays dividends. Children need to be disciplined, they need to be taught what is acceptable behaviour and what is not. Personally, if my children misbehaved in public they got a warning, quiet talking to, if they repeated the action I would just remove them from the shop, restaurant etc.

firstimemamma · 30/10/2021 21:44

@Justheretoaskaquestion91 hahaha, I do the 5 countdown thing too GrinWe sound very similar. We've got another baby on the way so I'm soon to find out how bloody exhausting disciplining 2 children is!

SpeedRunParent · 30/10/2021 22:32

@Branleuse

I am careful not to escalate situations with my children in public and prefer to deal with things in private than shout at them in public. Performance discipline is embarrasing
Smug and passive aggressive - quite the combination.
DrCoconut · 30/10/2021 22:40

@Offmyfence I wondered that too?

Offmyfence · 30/10/2021 22:47

[quote DrCoconut]@Offmyfence I wondered that too?[/quote]
Clearly it's a place only well behaved children with perfect mothers can visit!

StoneofDestiny · 30/10/2021 23:00

Oh gawd - why do people always suggest 'autism' as an explanation for poorly controlled children?

There are parents today that simply don't believe their children should be told off by anybody and that everybody should simply tolerate it! Heaven forbid parents should teach their kids to sit still, pipe down and respect other people. You see it over and over on Mumsnet threads about their child's right to yell and screech in their garden - sod the neighbours! Children with SEN do not account for the 'my precious child can do no wrong and you have to put up with it syndrome' that is permeating every area of life.

They think - leave it to the teachers - let them tell them how to behave!

bumblingbovine49 · 30/10/2021 23:06

@OhPatti

I'd have thought you were being unnecessarily strict. The things you described wouldn't have bothered me and actually I'd have appreciated him letting off some steam in the airport rather than on the plane!

You'd let your child roll around on the floor in an airport?

DS spent more time on the floor in airports when he was younger than he did on his feet . Also in supermarkets and train stations

There really was absolutely no point trying to stop him and being less

Offmyfence · 30/10/2021 23:07

@StoneofDestiny

Oh gawd - why do people always suggest 'autism' as an explanation for poorly controlled children?

There are parents today that simply don't believe their children should be told off by anybody and that everybody should simply tolerate it! Heaven forbid parents should teach their kids to sit still, pipe down and respect other people. You see it over and over on Mumsnet threads about their child's right to yell and screech in their garden - sod the neighbours! Children with SEN do not account for the 'my precious child can do no wrong and you have to put up with it syndrome' that is permeating every area of life.

They think - leave it to the teachers - let them tell them how to behave!

Are you honestly saying it's "parents today" DP you really believe that generations before were better parents?

They were the parents that told children that when their said "uncle Jim does things I don't like" that they should respect their elders!

That punished children for telling the truth...

Honestly, I'm not saying don't deal with bad behaviour, but give over with parents today not being fit!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/10/2021 06:18

@Branleuse

I am careful not to escalate situations with my children in public and prefer to deal with things in private than shout at them in public. Performance discipline is embarrasing
Love how you call it performance parenting- I just call it parenting
ElftonWednesday · 31/10/2021 06:24

I never see kids behaving badly when out and about, and think most parents do a great job.

ElftonWednesday · 31/10/2021 06:26

Moaning about the next generation is just a sign of being old, in your mental attitude. Some people are like this from their 20s.

BeagleBeagled · 31/10/2021 06:42

Amazing that 11% think it's okay to throw cards about in a card shop.

downundergirl · 31/10/2021 07:53

@Cuntness

People are cunts.
This!
Enchantmented · 31/10/2021 07:55

No way i agree with you, that is shocking.

I hate seeing other parents do that, so lazy and irresponsible

ElftonWednesday · 31/10/2021 07:56

@BeagleBeagled

Amazing that 11% think it's okay to throw cards about in a card shop.
I voted against the premise put forward that there are "more" parents who don't control their children. The question was not whether it is ok to throw things around in a shop.
thegreenlight · 31/10/2021 07:58

People are judgmental - I have ‘friends’ who try to explain my child’s behaviour as my fault because I’m too strict or not strict enough. Some people don’t realise that sometimes it isn’t you and no matter what you did it wouldn’t make a difference. DS I suspect has ADD and masks really well most of the time so when his anxiety does surface through bad behaviour it looks like he’s choosing to be like that. Gentle words are much better I. That situation than shouting at him which will cause a meltdown.

Hummmph · 31/10/2021 08:02

In a way I think you have a point.

In my almost 20 years of teaching, the number of parents ringing up and complaining that their children have been disciplined, making excuses for their children's behaviour or allow their children to ring them during a detention to then try and yell at me has definitely increased.

I have watched acquaintances struggle with their children's behaviour (drawing on walls, climbing all over the place, going out to a playground at 4am because they couldn't sleep) and believe it's all just part of being a parent.

It is still the minority and most parents are doing a great job, given the circumstances of far less time due to increasing work demands. But I would estimate that it's gone from around 5% of children being disruptive to about 15%, and that makes a massive difference.

Branleuse · 31/10/2021 08:22

@thegreenlight

People are judgmental - I have ‘friends’ who try to explain my child’s behaviour as my fault because I’m too strict or not strict enough. Some people don’t realise that sometimes it isn’t you and no matter what you did it wouldn’t make a difference. DS I suspect has ADD and masks really well most of the time so when his anxiety does surface through bad behaviour it looks like he’s choosing to be like that. Gentle words are much better I. That situation than shouting at him which will cause a meltdown.
thats what I meant by an expectation of performance parenting. Obviously theres a difference between someone who lets a kid just do whatever the fuck it wants, and a parent who is trying to calm a situation gently and not escalate it, but both are lumped into the same judgement from a lot of people. ultimately if youre parenting a kid with autism or adhd etc, then you wont win. Some people will think its all down to the parents shit and permissive parenting, and a lot of people do feel this expectation to be perform discipline for the benefit of the other adults around rather than techniques they know to work better without everyone losing their minds.