I can’t go, can I...

[VaguelyInteresting]

I’m supposed to be leaving for my friends hen party at midday. It’s an overnight thing with dinner, cocktails, nightclub etc.

Last night I found a fucking head louse in my hair whilst I was deep conditioning it. I’m mortified- have never had them before as an adult- can only assume DS has them too. I’ve only found the one so far on the either of us, but there must be more, as it wasn’t tiny. We both have a lot of hair so I don’t doubt the duckers are hiding out. So that’s one thing to deal with.

Then I’ve woken up this morning with a very slightly blocked nose and a sort of pre-coldy feeling- you know SLIGHTLY tickly throat, SLIGHTLY sniffy- which I’ve had first thing in the mornings on and off for WEEKS and it’s never come to anything (and I’ve covid tested etc), but I was sneezing last night, and DS has the Dreadful Cold that everyone’s complaining about for a week now, so I assume it’s the start of that- but I don’t really know. Might be nothing. In the age of Covid- it’s hard (and antisocial) to be sanguine isn’t it. I feel perfectly well but 🤷🏼‍♀️

If I don’t go, I think my friend will be really upset- we recently reconciled after a few years not speaking.

If I do go, I’m potentially going to make everyone else uncomfortable because I can’t very well go and say “I’m not hugging. Or bringing heads close together. Or sharing hair tools” or sit there periodically sniffing without saying why (and I wouldn’t anyway. I’m truthful to the point it generally causes me more issues tbh). And of course everyone is then going to worry about catching lice, or a cold, which will make them worry about covid.

I’d love everyone to say “go get some Hedrin! Don’t worry about the ambiguous stuffy nose!” but ... I don’t know? I feel like I’m BU either way?!

Lateral flow test the lice. Assuming they are negative, GO!

I am not sure I would easily forgive someone giving my hen party and me Covid right before the wedding!!
Please ask the bride first, unless the wedding is next year and she is doing an early hen! Make sure there are no expectant mothers going as well.

I can understand your anxiety over it (I’m the same in wanting to ‘do the right thing’ - overthinking is exhausting!). I would go after the Nit treatment and negative lft. I wouldn’t actually ring your friend and give her the option as if you’ve only just reconnected with her she might think, like others on here, that you’re looking for an excuse not to go (plus putting the responsibility of that decision on her). Think the nit treatment and lft are reasonable mitigations that the majority of people would feel comfortable with (as judged by responses you’ve got here!)

I’d maybe get some First Defence from the chemist as I recently felt a cold coming on (after spending time with someone with the supercold!) and it seemed to stop it in its tracks and didn’t develop.

I’d probably be a bit more mindful at the event (overthinking it!) with hand washing and being careful not to share glasses.

When is the Wedding? Passing a cold or Covid on to the Wedding Party wouldn’t make you very popular - and it’s a PCR you need if you have symptoms not a LFT.

Agree about the Hedrin - when washing out put the shampoo on first and massage in before you rinse and use a shampoo for greasy hair.

Enjoy your weekend away!

Just go! Don’t hug or kiss anyone, say you don’t want to as you’ve got a cold but done a lateral flow. Headlice can’t jump so as long as you don’t come physically head to head with anyone you won’t pass them on. It’ll be fine!

Ooohhh….sorry missed the part about it being a hen night. Think that does put a bit of a different perspective on giving her a heads up first. Might be best to tell her. 🤷

The nits are easily sorted, you've done a lateral flow, and I recommend grabbing some over the counter "contact relief-non drowsy". I have this awful cold, and they have reduced the symptoms loads. Have fun!

Wedding is 6 weeks away.

Ive messaged the bride

Hey love- are you excited for today/tonight!? Just a quick q- I’m feeling very slightly like I’m getting DS cold (he’s been a victim of “the worst cold ever” 😬)- have LFTd negative, but just wondered if you thought anyone in the group would be uncomfortable with me coming, what with all the covid etc.? I can message the group chat and ask, but didn’t want to seem like a nutter if everyone’s been very relaxed about these things (I’m so out of the social loop)!!!
Let me know & I’ll do whatever you think is best xxxx

She’ll tell me as it is .

Just to be clear- I don’t have covid symptoms- or any significant symptoms at all tbh. Just got that “slight pre cold” feeling- which I’ve had for a month on and off. Have PCR’d negative twice in the last two weeks, as has DS who started it, and LFTd negative about half a dozen times- inc today.

I wouldn’t go if I was actually not well- it wouldn’t be a question even.

I echo first defence spray. I could feel the cold coming on recently, before I was due a weekend away. Used it a couple of times and cold was delayed, although I did get it a week later but I’d done my fun stuff by then.

I doubt anyone will be bothered by someone with a sniffle. Pretty much everyone has some sort of sickness going on right now.

Put loads of conditioner on your hair after washing & towel-drying it, nit comb through thoroughly section by section. If you only found 1 last night then chances are you're not infested - it could be that just that 1 walked across from someone onto your hair yesterday. However, the fact that it was big would suggest it was an adult and therefore has now probably laid eggs, so thorough nit-combing this morning, go to your hen do and then conditioner & nit combing every day for a week.

Unfortunately I have a lot of experience with nits - 3 DCs and I work in a school - so have become a bit of a nit expert by proxy. Have used Hedrin before but conditioning & nit combing every day for a week is the only way to get rid of them, for me. There was 1 time I just found one louse and I thought "Oh no and so it begins again" but never found any more of the little buggers, so there is hope for you that it is just a stray one.

Enjoy your night.

I think you’ve done absolutely the right thing. You’ve shown the bride that you want to be there and have done the LFT confirming you’re ok, but have given her the option to be cautious. There is absolutely nothing she can be cross with you about.

@VaguelyInteresting If you've tested negative in PCR as well as LFT then I'd definitely let the bride know that rather than just mention lft - I'm sure it would make people even more comfortable if they know you've done both

@VaguelyInteresting

I should say. I worry a lot in all areas of my life, about whether I’m doing the right thing by other people. I’ve had therapy. It’s a trauma thing. But it can make decision making like this quite tricky- it’s why I asked here!

I am sending you a hug. I get this. It is a real pain in the arse isn't it. Every scenario - every "what will people think?" Every "Am I doing the right thing?". It is almost like lethal "sit on the fence-itis". You get stuck in a whirlwind inability to make a decision.

I have used Mumsnet before for similar whirlwinds. Ignore any nasty comments.

Go and have fun.

My ds whole lifetime experience of nits was 1 huge bugger that we found after his head started itching badly.

So that maybe all you have but it's easy to treat this morning.

I think that was the perfect message @VaguelyInteresting

Thanks @QuickityQuackity it can be hard for other people to understand sometimes. It’s like a sort of... I don’t know... crippling concern for others? But it’s not entirely altruistic because it comes from a selfish place of not wanting to get into trouble/ be thought less of etc.

Very odd

I think if you have a cold you ought to stay at home.

Also, Lat flow tests tend only to pick up the virus when you have a good viral overload and in the early days you may not. They are also very hard to carry out properly, swabbing tonsils etc.

Bride doesn’t think anyone will care, and wants me to come & I spoke to 2 of my closest friends who are going (who I’m rooming with), and they think its fine if I’ve LFTd and not to mention to the wider group.

As a Chronic Confessor, of course I also told the close friends about the Head Lice. They were also 😱 for me but totally fine on their own account.

Also- just treated mine and DS hair and not a single beastie on either head- so hopefully it was a recent solo hitchhiker and we’ve caught it before it went any further.

Honestly though... what a fucking day.

Sorry- not to mention to wider group on the group chat* - they said best to just give a heads up when I arrive, so people can see I’m ACTUALLY fine and not symptomatic, rather than imagine all sorts.

@VaguelyInteresting

Sorry- not to mention to wider group on the group chat* - they said best to just give a heads up when I arrive, so people can see I’m ACTUALLY fine and not symptomatic, rather than imagine all sorts.

Dont get this. The worst scenario is asymptomatic and mixing.

If you've got a cold or whatever DON'T GO! I would have hoped people had learned some common sense and manners after Covid. It's not good to spread germs, whatever they are.

@Rantyrantason

I can understand your anxiety over it (I’m the same in wanting to ‘do the right thing’ - overthinking is exhausting!). I would go after the Nit treatment and negative lft. I wouldn’t actually ring your friend and give her the option as if you’ve only just reconnected with her she might think, like others on here, that you’re looking for an excuse not to go (plus putting the responsibility of that decision on her). Think the nit treatment and lft are reasonable mitigations that the majority of people would feel comfortable with (as judged by responses you’ve got here!)

I’d maybe get some First Defence from the chemist as I recently felt a cold coming on (after spending time with someone with the supercold!) and it seemed to stop it in its tracks and didn’t develop.

I’d probably be a bit more mindful at the event (overthinking it!) with hand washing and being careful not to share glasses.

Perfect advice.

Go to chemist and get stocked up on cold relief and nit shampoo
Once hair is treated you are fine

I totally get the sensitivities with your friend and the history but I think it’s bad form going out with a cold/Covid symptoms - which are after all exactly the same, regardless of the reason.
Delta is extremely infectious and presents as a cold. At least initially and takes ages to show on tests. I would be so unimpressed actually being exposed to that for no good reason. Most places such as hairdressers / spas/ beauty salons/gyms etc are turning people away with colds here.

Now the bride has given you the green light it’s probably okay from her POV until she catches it of course, but the fact it’s being kept a secret from the rest of the group is very far from ideal, and indicates to me that not everyone will be comfortable with it.
It’s not difficult to see why cases are rocketing. Life shouldn’t standstill because of covid, equally I think people should be responsible and lean towards caution. It is still killing thousands of people and hospitalising many thousands more.