Did I take friends comments the wrong way?

[reallybloodyfedup]

Ok NC for this.

Been friends with this person for over 20 years. We've been around for each other's highs and lows, lots of lows as both been in abusive relationships, grief etc.

She drinks somewhat excessively at times. She realises this and has tried to limit this recently.

She places much importance on material things. Is quite privileged. I don't want to go in to the details.

Anyway we have had the same conversation numerous times, usually when she's drunk about her car, the type of car and she'd like to pass on to her DC. Cue the offensive comments on how she doesn't want her DC to drive a particular type of car and described it as "shitty".

Well I drive this particular type of car, as it's what I can afford.

She's said this numerous times under the influence of alcohol like I say but has always been materialistic and generally puts others down at times if she thinks they aren't 'worth much' if that makes sense.

The last time she made this comment I blew, said it was inconsiderate in short and friends response was we all make choices on what car we choose to drive .

I am so disgusted by this, to think a friend like this could be so inconsiderate and thoughtless that I'm really not sure I can come back from it.

AIBU or am I overreacting?

No I don't think you're over reacting, she was being nasty, she knows you drive that car and deliberately chose it as the car she hates most

She doesn't sound much like a friend to me.

It doesn't sound like you like her or she likes you. I would cut your losses.

My friend also made rude comments about my car. The same car she was happy to get free lifts in when she wasn't a driver..
Cf.

She isn't really your friend imo op..

I honestly do understand why you’d be friends with someone like this for 20 + years.

She sounds highly unpleasant.

How strange that she cars so much about a car.. not wanting her kid to drive whichever car. What does a car prove exactly?
She sounds like an idiot.

And also like this is aimed at you, otherwise why would it be mentioned more than once.

Distance yourself.

She sounds awful. In the end, what type of car anyone drives is bloody irrelevant. It makes you neither better nor worse than anyone else, so for her to pick your car and call it shitty and deride your choice of car is using it as a way to criticise you personally. She is choosing to be mean to you and make you feel bad.
This is not someone you should have as a friend.

idolising cars and being materialistic is a bit twatty

She's sounds like an idiot.
I used to give a workmate a lift to and from work, I actually went out of my way to do it too.
She was talking about what car she would like and was incredibly rude about the type I had.
So I pulled over and told her to get out, god forbid anyone saw her in my horror of a car.
She was really late for work that day.

@Cocolapew

She's sounds like an idiot. I used to give a workmate a lift to and from work, I actually went out of my way to do it too. She was talking about what car she would like and was incredibly rude about the type I had. So I pulled over and told her to get out, god forbid anyone saw her in my horror of a car. She was really late for work that day.

bahahaha good for you, the cheeky fucker

She’s massively insecure. It’s not you OP, she also sounds like a shitty, fun sucking, downer of a friend so I’d honestly just ditch her.

I'd be questioning why I was friends with her if I'm honest.

I have very little respect for people who define themselves and particularly others by what they own. Its just completely ridiculous and if I'm truthful it makes me think they are not particulat intelligent to ascribe any meaning to what car people drive.

What are her good points ? Why do you enjoy her friendship? Is she kind (she doesn't sound it ), supportive ? Loyal?

YANBU, she doesn’t sound like a nice friend at all

I have been known to make similarly thoughtless remarks... but the difference is that once I realise what I've said I apologise mightily and here's the important bit: make sure I never do it again. Every now and then I wake up in the middle of the night remembering one of these incidents and cringe with horror. (Everything always seems worse in the middle of the night.)

This woman has done it several times and, when pulled up, simply compounded the unpleasantness. She doesn't sound like a very good friend regardless of what you have been through together in the past. I'd be inclined to see her a lot less, and if in any way possible, make sure it's when she's unlikely to have been drinking. Or tell her you have heard it once too often and if you don't get an extremely grovelling apology, the friendship is over. It may be the drink to blame but it makes her impossible to get on with and it seems she prefers its company to yours.

I'm baffled you put up with a boastful, materialistic drunk for this long. I'm assuming she must also have some good points, but she's certainly coming across as a bit of an idiot on here. And more than a bit weird -- who has opinions about what kind of car they don't want their child to drive?

Cars are boring anyway. They either go or they don't go. What is there to get excited about?

She does this deliberately, when she's a few drinks, because she can blame it on the alcohol.

She's fucked up he life with alcoholism and the only way she can feel better is to run you down.

I would drop her but if you don't want to, keep giving back as good as you get. She may get the message when she realises you won't be her whipping boy anymore.

We've been around for each other's highs and lows, lots of lows as both been in abusive relationships, grief etc.

Was this you mainly being around for her?

@mountbattenbergcake this is exactly it. She blames it on the drink then says she needs to sort herself out.

Yes I've been there for her a lot, probably more so in the beginning and middle of the friendship but over the past few years she has been my sounding board for a lot of things that has happened in my life. I've been appreciative of that and we talk openly about most things, but these comments are taking it too far. They're offensive.

I have a friend who makes rude comments about where I live. Is concerned about parking her car here etc. If she want to say someone is rough, she will say they are a ‘insert where I live’ type.

This started after I bough a new house, and she realised from rightmove just how much houses cost in the city (she lives in our home town).

It’s her way of putting me down. Our friendship has suffered as a result and I no longer class her as a close friend.

I would edge off being friends with someone of this nature, drunk or not drunk. She is critical and shallow, which does not bode well, for a friendly relationship. Some people speak the truth when drinking a lot, and show you their true inner feelings.

I think I would find the whole situation hilarious. She talks about cars when drunk and says she hates the type of car you drive. So what? Your car isn’t your child, I personally can’t imagine being insulted or upset and calling her “inconsiderate” for hating on the brand of car you use.

I agree she is materialistic, but you seem the same by being defensive of your car brand?

A car is just a way to get from point A to point B. It’s not a reflection of personality or worth...just baffling to me how anyone could feel defensive over the brand of a hunk of metal.

OP as the saying goes, in vino veritas . The alcohol lowers her inhibition and she says what she truly thinks of you. It brings out her real true self. Her sober self is her fake self, the drunk self is her real self. The alcohol doesn't 'make' her say it, the alcohol is showing her real true self. She sounds so nasty, shallow and selfish. I'd call her Hyacinth Bucket to her face, and then drop her permanently as a friend.

She sounds rather a lot like someone I used to be friends with.

Very materialistic (particularly about cars), drinks a lot, and an absolute master of the backhanded compliment. Also fond of the insult passed off as a hilarious joke. If she'd been a bloke it would have been called 'negging'.

She went too far on one occasion and I ghosted her and all her sycophantic friends.

She sounds most unpleasant and is using the cover of alcohol to be nasty and have a dig at you.

Certainly not my idea of a friend.

I would step away.

Thanks for the responses. I'm not being unreasonable then.

For those who have asked if she has any redeeming qualities, she's quite funny and knows how to cheer me up. But the materialistic ways are now being aimed at me in an offensive way and to top it off she gaslights as if I'm overreacting.

It's time to rethink the friendship.

I broke off a friendship with someone like this.

Very materialistic and quite competitive but in a very gaslighty way.

Even things like when her kids (who are spoilt and acted it) we're playing up she'd ignore it and start slagging off someone else's kids and parenting because "they do x y and z". And I'm sure she knows it's exactly why hers did and she facilitated it.

Same with possessions. She's always dislike anything anyone else saved up and got new. If you said "well they like it and clearly so do others because it's available to buy" she'd say something like "oh I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it - just I wouldn't buy it personally".

She never understood that sometimes you just umm and ahh and nod!

Cut her. Best thing I ever did.