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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To turn down weight loss surgery

56 replies

Fatgirlslimgirl · 29/10/2021 13:51

Name change for this.

I’ve gotten to the point where my weight is dramatically effecting my life.
I feel depressed and out of control.

My BMI is 43 and I’m 18 and a half stone :(

I have some major issues with food, I binge and generally eat rubbish.
I’m always so exhausted and I know it’s down to my extremely poor diet.

I can either be 100% healthy or 100% unhealthy.
There is no inbetween.

I just cannot seem to control my weight and at this rate I will just keep getting bigger and bigger.

I’ve tried Slimming Groups, Calorie counting, various apps, but have little success.

I contacted my Gp in hope that they could offer me some support with my out of control eating.

I was referred to a 12 week programme of exercise and healthy eating and as long as this is maintained for a set period, then I will be referred for weight loss surgery.

I didn’t ask for this and it’s really not something I want.

I don’t see how having surgery is going to help my mindset with food.

I’m out of control and surgery isn’t going to help that.

Today so far, I’ve eaten - (and yes I’m aware this is terribly bad)

2 slices Wholemeal toast
6” Subway (chicken and bacon) on Italian bread
1 pack of dorritos
3 chocolate cookies
Handful of chocolate buttons

I have such an overwhelming need to binge.

Am I being stupid turning down the weight loss surgery? Should I just go for it?

OP posts:
Chicchicchicchiclana · 29/10/2021 13:54

I think it could really help. If you feel hungry all the time, the reduction in the size of your stomach will work for that.

Spunout · 29/10/2021 13:54

I too binge eat,I would bite someone's hand off if they offered it to me,I've been the same weight and BMI and my Dr has never offered any help

PurpleDaisies · 29/10/2021 13:54

Unless you can show you’re able to lose weight, you won’t be able to have the surgery.

Why not take the support and decide about the operation later?

Aquamarine1029 · 29/10/2021 13:55

I would definitely go for the surgery if I were you. I would take whatever opportunity I was given to try and conquer this, and do whatever the program asks of me. I would also do as much therapy as I could afford. You have one life, and the way you're carrying on now isn't working.

LaurieFairyCake · 29/10/2021 13:55

Well the short answer is you cannot eat that after weight loss surgery

That is literally a whole days food (not that I eat Doritos) for me after bariatric surgery

For breakfast I ate one slice toast with a very thick layer of blue cheese and butter - I'm still not ready for lunch at 2pm

You will get really good advice from those 12 weeks and a dietician before the surgery

Plus it's not EITHER/Or - do both Thanks tackle the emotional eating too as well as giving yourself a chance at a physically healthy life

PurpleDaisies · 29/10/2021 13:56

I forgot to say what I always say on this sort of thread, there’s brilliant support on the weight loss chat board and posters who have been through weight loss surgery. It’s definitely worth having a read over there.

Original poster
Fatgirlslimgirl · 29/10/2021 13:58

@Chicchicchicchiclana

I think it could really help. If you feel hungry all the time, the reduction in the size of your stomach will work for that.
@Chicchicchicchiclana

That’s the problem, I don’t feel hungry all of the time.
Most of the time I’m not even hungry when I eat.

OP posts:
Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 29/10/2021 13:58

You need to read brain over binge by Kathryn Hanson - pulled me back from the edge op

Original poster
Fatgirlslimgirl · 29/10/2021 14:00

@Allmyarseandpeggymartin

Ah Great! Thanks for the recommendation.

OP posts:
Prettybubblesintheair · 29/10/2021 14:00

I think you should take the support and decide on the operation later. Tbh I’m a similar weight and I would give anything to have the surgery.

Borderterrierpuppy · 29/10/2021 14:03

Have you tried low carb eating? It’s the only thing that stops me binging.
Dropping carbs is the only thing that stops me mindlessly eating all the time.
Worth a try?

Original poster
Fatgirlslimgirl · 29/10/2021 14:03

@Prettybubblesintheair

I will definitely take the support, I’m just not on board with the option of surgery.

Can I ask why you would take it?

From an appearance POV I would definitely want to have surgery. But when I contacted my Gp, I was hoping for more emotional support with eating that a quick fix of surgery.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fatgirlslimgirl · 29/10/2021 14:05

@Borderterrierpuppy

Have you tried low carb eating? It’s the only thing that stops me binging. Dropping carbs is the only thing that stops me mindlessly eating all the time. Worth a try?
@Borderterrierpuppy

No I haven’t actually tried low carb.

I’ve always thought I would struggle with that.

I do like to eat pasta, potatoes, rice etc.

I don’t know what id fill up on if I didn’t eat many carbs.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 29/10/2021 14:05

Surgery is not a quick fix. You should look into it more if you think that it is.

Original poster
Fatgirlslimgirl · 29/10/2021 14:06

@PurpleDaisies

Sorry, I’m definitely not meaning that in bad way.

I just mean for me it would feel like a quick fix to losing weight.

I would get slimmer but my eating issues would still be there.

OP posts:
Prettybubblesintheair · 29/10/2021 14:10

For me it’s appearance, general health. I took my dc to crazy golf at the weekend and I really struggled to bend over and pick up the ball Sad. I just want to feel better in myself. I’m starting keto and I’m nervous as it’s a completely different diet to anything I’ve ever tried and there’s a lot to learn but I really want to get from a 20/22 to a 12/14 so I’m really hoping it’ll work for me.

PurpleDaisies · 29/10/2021 14:14

It’s major surgery. You’ll get support to lose weight before and you need to make major lifestyle changes after. How can that feel like a quick fix?

beigebrownblue · 29/10/2021 14:15

Friend of mine has been referred.
They are having to do a course of injections a month or too beforehand so that they lose enough weight to be able to have the surgery in the first place.

Injections are appetite suppressants.

If you get into that situation, there are few choices unfortunately. Massive weight gain creates strain on heart, risk of ulcers, lack of mobility isolation etc.

I speak as someone who needs to lose weight also. I'm aware that any surgical intervention brings additional risks and so they are best avoided if you can.

ThatsNotMyPinkUnicorn · 29/10/2021 14:18

This is just a personal viewpoint, but I have never understood why a “quick fix” or why “sorting your issues with food” are necessary.

I mean, don’t misunderstand me - it’s good to be healthy, but for a lot of us it’s a struggle between the foods we love and maintaining a healthy weight.

We don’t apply this logic anywhere else. You wouldn’t turn down several thousand to pay off debt, insisting on paying it off slowly. I’ve lost seven stone this year and it’s a hell of a lot easier eating healthier when I’ve got a nice (ish) figure to maintain!

Original poster
Fatgirlslimgirl · 29/10/2021 14:18

@PurpleDaisies

It’s major surgery. You’ll get support to lose weight before and you need to make major lifestyle changes after. How can that feel like a quick fix?
@PurpleDaisies

I probably don’t know enough about weight loss surgery.

Personally I am more inspired to hear about people that have lost weight through diet / life style changes alone.

Weight loss surgery has never really inspired me.

That’s just my own personal feeling towards it.

It’s extremely hard to lose weight (I know!!!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Fatgirlslimgirl · 29/10/2021 14:21

@ThatsNotMyPinkUnicorn

it’s a hell of a lot easier eating healthier when I’ve got a nice (ish) figure to maintain!

Oh I totally agree with that. I always think, well
I’m fat, what’s one more slice of pizza matter…

OP posts:
JuneOsborne · 29/10/2021 14:32

My friend paid for a gastric sleeve. 2 years in and she not only looks amazing, feels amazing, but has completely changed her attitude to food.

I'd have one in a heartbeat, I'll be honest.

FatCatThinCat · 29/10/2021 14:33

I agree with you. I have the same problem and have also turned down weight loss surgery. I don't believe it would help me as when I'm bad I eat until I'm sick. It'd just mean I'd feel that wretchedness more often.

Sittingonabench · 29/10/2021 14:40

I would take the help offered- it Amy well be that during the course of the help they can address some of the triggers that cause you to eat. It may well be that the offer of surgery has even started that process. For example it may get you to ask yourself the questions (not expecting you to answer these on forum) - If it’s not hunger- what is it that causes you to eat? Boredom? Emotional support? Habit? Do you eat till your full or satisfied? What makes you choose the food types you do? Is it a sugar addiction that needs to be addressed? Is it more convenience? What is your relationship with alcohol? Etc etc.
It’s great that you reached out for support but don’t stop there- something needs to change for you to be happy so keep reaching and accept changes. Good luck

StaplesCorner · 29/10/2021 14:53

I felt the same as you for years but the waiting list on the NHS is very long maybe 3 or 4 years anyway so get on the waiting list. The 12 week course should include group psychotherapy on eating or if not see a counsellor who specialises in it. The surgery isn’t a quick fix you are right to think your mind needs sorting out first. In the end I was so unwell BMI of 60+ the choice was taken out of my hands.