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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work Xmas dinner on a Saturday?

112 replies

Beachybeach · 29/10/2021 11:54

I work for a corporation and mainly work from home. Everyone in my team lives across the country so a Xmas party was never going to be local.

Apparently due to covid our main Xmas do will be moved to spring time (will be all expenses covered including travel/hotel)

But my manager has suggested that we all go out for dinner on a Saturday in December. As it’s not our proper Xmas do we’ll be expected to pay for it ourselves.

AIBU to think it’s really shit to meet up with colleagues/bosses on a Saturday?! I work with these people all week let alone on a Saturday too.

OP posts:
Lucked · 29/10/2021 13:20

Gosh so many of you are making a night out sound like a chore and horror I am surprised that you go even when it is paid for - is a free bit of turkey and a glass of vino really worth it if you can’t stand seeing these people?

I am NHS. I choose to go and let off steam with my colleagues. It is a bit of fun and good to occasionally socialise outside my normal group of friends. It is an invitation not a summons as MN love to say.

And no the manager shouldn’t pay, the company is giving their thank you in the Spring as outlined in the OP.

thisplaceisweird · 29/10/2021 13:20

@vocksinsocks

Having a Christmas party paid for is a thing?! I've always gone to my Christmas work parties. Always weekends. Always pay for myself. Always because I like the people I work with and enjoy their company.

If you don't want to go, say no. Simple Hmm

It's not really a work Christmas party then is it? It's a social event with colleagues

Shame on your company for not organising or paying for anything!

SusieBob · 29/10/2021 13:24

@steff13

I think that if you don't want to go you shouldn't go. But I don't think it's shit to suggest it.
Of course it's not.
minimecantrollerskate · 29/10/2021 13:25

YABU. You say it's not the main Christmas do, so this is a friendly get together. You either want to go or you don't. Why should it be on a work day?

The last time I worked in a big firm they would have a get together every couple of months. I chose not to go as I didn't want to.

cardibach · 29/10/2021 13:26

@daisypond

It's really not. I think it's more unusual to genuinely like the random people you work with.

The people I work with, and have worked with in the past, are my some of my closest friends. Everyone I work with is nice and we have lots in common - otherwise we wouldn’t all do the same job.

I agree @daisypond I find it really odd people work for hours/days/weeks/months/years with people they wouldn’t ever want to see elsewhere. Why are people you meet at work any more random than those you meet in the pub/at a hobby anyway? The times I’ve been unhappy at work have been times when I have happened to hit a patch where I don’t get on too well with many of my colleagues.
vocksinsocks · 29/10/2021 13:27

@thisplaceisweird

I've always worked in schools. We organise and book and pay for our own as we don't work for a 'company'. Doubt the council would cough up! Grin

SusieBob · 29/10/2021 13:28

"Shame on your company for not organising or paying for anything!"

Absolutely the norm in public/3rd sector for obvious reasons.

goingbacktothecaves · 29/10/2021 13:33

Shame they never told you before you booked to go to Panto.

cardibach · 29/10/2021 13:37

@megletthesecond

Yanbu. I think if you have to pay for it it needs to be in work hours, with leeway for a slightly longer lunch. (This is what our local government dept did).

If they're paying then it's reasonable-ish to have it at weekends.

So how do you think this would work, for eg, for teachers? What do all the pupils do while we have a long lunch and a couple of drinks? Or any public facing role really. People who work in offices forget that isn’t everyone (I know this solution would perhaps work for the OP, but so many people saying as an absolute that it should be laid for/in work time).
RampantIvy · 29/10/2021 13:39

But it wouldn't be a party of you have to pay for it and on your own time would it? It would definitely feel like a shift at work

Of course it wouldn’t Hmm

Colleagues are just that - colleagues. I have enough friends and don't need anymore ta

It seems to be a regular mumsnet thing that so many posters hate their jobs and dislike their work colleagues, and that they must put a cap on the number of friends they have. I find this utterly bizarre – “no, you can’t be my friend, I have ten/(insert number) already”. Just baffling.

If people are all WFH in different locations around the country, then it's unlikely they know each other that well.

Good point.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 29/10/2021 13:40

Sounds to me that the official festivities, which the company is paying for have been moved to another time, so your manager thought it would be nice to get together in December.

Given that there is already an official 'Christmas' party, I imagine he can't authorise something separate in company time/expense. As long as there's no pressure to attend I don't really see the problem. Go if you'd enjoy it/can afford it, don't if you won't.

Shadedog · 29/10/2021 13:40

Shame on your company for not organising or paying for anything

Out of interest does anyone in the public sector have their Christmas party paid for? I’m one of the 1.8 or so million people who work for the NHS. Can you imagine the headlines if the NHS was spending £100 million on Christmas parties? Do other public sector workers get paid for parties? We did used to have a “social club” on site but before my time and I’ve no idea how it was funded.

Shadedog · 29/10/2021 13:45

It seems to be a regular mumsnet thing that so many posters hate their jobs and dislike their work colleagues, and that they must put a cap on the number of friends they have. I find this utterly bizarre – “no, you can’t be my friend, I have ten/(insert number) already”. Just baffling

See also other adults at toddler groups/school gates. “Why would I be friends with someone just because we had sex in the same year?” Never understood it. Granted a good 50% of people who had sex in the same years as I did are arseholes but don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 29/10/2021 13:46

But my manager has suggested...

Clue in the word "suggested" there, it's not a summons. Don't want to go? Then don't go.

FangsForTheMemory · 29/10/2021 14:24

I never worked somewhere that paid for Christmas dinner but on the other hand nobody would have expected us to turn up on a Saturday. Indeed I didn't go to work Christmas dos ever in my last job because they were in the evening and no way was I going to spend MY time on something organised by work.

FangsForTheMemory · 29/10/2021 14:26

@Shadedog Nope. I worked in the public sector for decades and we got nothing. I can imagine the howls of rage from local residents if we had. We weren't allowed to accept any sort of gifts at Christmas either.

notanothertakeaway · 29/10/2021 14:27

@LittleDandelionClock

Christmas dinner in the Spring? WTF is the point of THAT? Confused

Also, if you don't want to go to lunch with work colleagues on a Saturday, just don't go. Cite the reason as you can't afford it.

We used to have our works Christmas do in January. It was good

Kept December free for other things

A free night out was a bonus in January, when everyone felt skint

And cheaper in January, so we went to nicer places

IsabellesMissingSock · 29/10/2021 14:59

I get on very well with some of my team, but I wouldn't go to a social event on a December Saturday.

As an aside, why were people assuming the manager is a "he" prior to the OP mentioning his sex in the second post?

coogee · 29/10/2021 15:48

Most people meet their SO at work, I don't think it's that surprising that people who spend all week together end up friends.

Not in my experience.

It is my experience. I met my husband at work and over a dozen of our colleagues were guests at our wedding. Despite it being on a weekend and far enough away to necessitate an overnight stay.

Frazzled2207 · 29/10/2021 15:51

if a Saturday it's just really easy to say you're busy

I wouldn't unless I really really liked my colleagues

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 29/10/2021 15:59

I like most of my colleagues and would socialise with them on a weekend. What do your colleagues think, are they all going except you...? It doesn't make a difference to your decision, just wondering.

Newestname002 · 29/10/2021 16:05

@Beachybeach

If you don't want to go get your polite response in quickly. No need to give any reason why you are not available on that evening - and remain neutral to all enquiries, including colleagues, who ask why you aren't attending. 🌹

grafittiartist · 29/10/2021 16:16

I'd be happy to go. I am lucky enough to consider my colleagues friends, so enjoy a night out with them.
Not for everyone I suppose.

RampantIvy · 29/10/2021 18:26

See also other adults at toddler groups/school gates. “Why would I be friends with someone just because we had sex in the same year?” Never understood it. Granted a good 50% of people who had sex in the same years as I did are arseholes but don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.

Yep

maofteens · 29/10/2021 18:53

Go or not. But I've always paid for any work get together just our department.

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