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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work Xmas dinner on a Saturday?

112 replies

Beachybeach · 29/10/2021 11:54

I work for a corporation and mainly work from home. Everyone in my team lives across the country so a Xmas party was never going to be local.

Apparently due to covid our main Xmas do will be moved to spring time (will be all expenses covered including travel/hotel)

But my manager has suggested that we all go out for dinner on a Saturday in December. As it’s not our proper Xmas do we’ll be expected to pay for it ourselves.

AIBU to think it’s really shit to meet up with colleagues/bosses on a Saturday?! I work with these people all week let alone on a Saturday too.

OP posts:
Dumbo18 · 29/10/2021 12:56

Just say no and let the people who want to go enjoy the night. God forbid someone suggests a night out on a Saturday!

girlmom21 · 29/10/2021 12:57

@jamandmarmalade

He is trying to get out of paying for the do *@Beachybeach* don;t let him take you for a mug. He obviously has no life outside of work. He should be paying for everyone.
Why on Earth should he be paying for everyone? This is batshit.

If your manager claims to pay for everyone they've probably got a budget they can claim back on expenses.

Nobody, except the very senior directors, would realistically offer to pay for everyone's meals.

LittleDandelionClock · 29/10/2021 12:57

[quote jamandmarmalade]@drpet49Drpret

But it wouldn't be a party of you have to pay for it and on your own time would it? It would definitely feel like a shift at work. Spending 8 hours a day with colleagues because you are paid to be there is one thing but surely everyone has a very busy life friends family clubs and hobbies outside of work and would not want to give any of that up just for a work do that isn;t even funded by the company?

No way.[/quote]
Exactly. Colleagues are just that - colleagues. I have enough friends and don't need anymore ta. Plus, although some of my 25 colleagues are OK, several of them are utter arseholes, and most of the rest, I have nothing in common with, and have no desire to spend time with them outside of work.

Literally only 4 out of 25 colleagues, are people I would want to see out of work. I have low tolerance levels for annoying obnoxious arseholes these days, and have no intention of spending my OWN precious time with people I have fuck-all in common with, trying to make banal conversation about fuckall.

I do NOT need or want to spend extra time with work colleagues. So I will avoid any kind of 'works do' like the plague.

Several of the people at work are total cunts, so like fuck am I going to spend my precious free time, and MONEY with these individuals, trying to smile and be jolly, and pretend I bastard LIKE them!

JaninaDuszejko · 29/10/2021 12:59

I think it's more unusual to genuinely like the random people you work with.

Your work colleagues tend to have similar education levels and values as you do. Most people meet their SO at work, I don't think it's that surprising that people who spend all week together end up friends.

But if the OP doesn't want to go on awork's Christmas Party in December she doesn't have to.

AtlanticCityProof · 29/10/2021 13:00

I wouldn’t want to go either, but an amazing number of people are happy with this sort of ‘invitation’ perhaps particularly people with young children who like an excuse for a night out leaving their partner at home.

jamandmarmalade · 29/10/2021 13:01

Yes, The Directors normally pay for the restaurant. Also hotel overnight stay for the team and their partners if applicable but i was never up for that part. Even paid for that would cut into my time outside of work.

Sometimes it was nice just to accept the bottle of red and white wine gifted out as a thank you.

jamandmarmalade · 29/10/2021 13:02

@girlmom21 sorry, that was reply to you.

SusieBob · 29/10/2021 13:04

If you don't want to go, just don't go.

I don't know why people make such a massive drama about things like this.

Hoolihan · 29/10/2021 13:04

Not in a million years would I be spending my weekend at a works do. I like my colleagues well enough but fuck that.

ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife · 29/10/2021 13:05

I’d prefer to do it on a Saturday and like the people I work with.

However, if you don’t want to go I think it’s quite reasonable to decline and say you already have plans (even if you don’t).

SpiderinaWingMirror · 29/10/2021 13:08

Speak up if you want it at a different time. I'm sure a majority vote will win.
Don't do what a former colleague of mine did, moan, snipe, complain then fail to turn up when people agreed to alter it to suitGrin

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/10/2021 13:09

I like my colleagues and I wouldn’t go on a Saturday or pay for it myself

Sparklesocks · 29/10/2021 13:10

I wouldn’t go either. My time outside of work is mine to decide what I attend, and my weekends are precious to me.

girlmom21 · 29/10/2021 13:11

@jamandmarmalade

Yes, The Directors normally pay for the restaurant. Also hotel overnight stay for the team and their partners if applicable but i was never up for that part. Even paid for that would cut into my time outside of work.

Sometimes it was nice just to accept the bottle of red and white wine gifted out as a thank you.

But it comes out of company money, not their pockets personally.

It sounds like OP's invite is from lower level management.

IntermittentParps · 29/10/2021 13:12

Depends if the vibe is 'anyone fancy a get-together' type thing (ie you're all pretty friendly and might socialise together anyway) or 'this is a work do and it will be frowned on if you're not there'.
If the latter I'd definitely say I had plans already.

Aprilx · 29/10/2021 13:13

I wouldn’t think it was shit to spend one Saturday night with colleagues, I have done a few times and it has been a novelty. But if you don’t want to go then you don’t have to, there is no need to be rude about it.

starrynight87 · 29/10/2021 13:15

Unpaid and on a weekend, no thank you.

Why do bosses think that's a good option?

Aderyn21 · 29/10/2021 13:17

If people are all WFH in different locations around the country, then it's unlikely they know each other that we'll. So this isn't comparable to posters' situations where they choose to go out socially with colleagues because they've become friends.
I suspect the manager hasn't really thought this through properly, rather than being a CF! Work should pay for it at the least.
I doubt many people will be up for this if it involves traveling and associated costs.

steff13 · 29/10/2021 13:17

I think that if you don't want to go you shouldn't go. But I don't think it's shit to suggest it.

megletthesecond · 29/10/2021 13:17

Yanbu.
I think if you have to pay for it it needs to be in work hours, with leeway for a slightly longer lunch. (This is what our local government dept did).

If they're paying then it's reasonable-ish to have it at weekends.

vocksinsocks · 29/10/2021 13:18

Having a Christmas party paid for is a thing?! I've always gone to my Christmas work parties. Always weekends. Always pay for myself. Always because I like the people I work with and enjoy their company.

If you don't want to go, say no. Simple Hmm

thisplaceisweird · 29/10/2021 13:18

I would never go to a work thing that I had to pay for myself, it would just never happen as it would be considered so unreasonable by the company. Even casual lunches are covered by the bosses credit cards.

LittleDandelionClock · 29/10/2021 13:19

@JaninaDuszejko

Your work colleagues tend to have similar education levels and values as you do. Most people meet their SO at work, I don't think it's that surprising that people who spend all week together end up friends.

Not in my experience.

Original poster
Beachybeach · 29/10/2021 13:19

There is some colleagues I get on really well with and some are a bit meh. As it’s only our team it’s not quite enough people to break out into mini socials.

Looking at the menu it’s looking close to £40 without booze or travel.

I’m sure if my boss pushed it he could get us out of a day at the desk and then it wouldn’t seem too bad.

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 29/10/2021 13:19

Its a nice idea for those who want to as long as its not compulsory.