Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shoul I keep toddler at home?

36 replies

twoundertwo3 · 29/10/2021 04:53

My DD (2yo) attends nursery 3 full days a week. Since starting (a year ago ) she has had every virus possible and a constant cough. I swear I can't remember the last time she didn't have a cough.
We've just had a second DD born prematurely. I told my DH that I would like to keep DD1 at home and away from nursery for a few months as I'm really scared she's going to bring home all sorts of viruses and our newborn will catch it. DH says IABU and it's not fair for our DD1 to be stuck at home and have her 'social life ' taken away just because of our new DD
The question is .. AIBU for wanting to take her out of nursery in order to protect our newborn DD?

OP posts:
NotMaryWhitehouse · 29/10/2021 04:54

Oh that is a tricky one. How prem was your new baby (congratulations!)?

stayathomegardener · 29/10/2021 05:00

As I imagine the weight of caring for both children would fall to you on maternity leave I'd say it's your call or is your H worried the greater burden will fall to him?
Sounds like a good idea to avoid this winter's bugs as much as possible all round and I can't think your eldest will be impacted in anyway.

user1483473283 · 29/10/2021 05:02

Congratulations on your new baby OP.
Anecdotally, I had a DS also 2 who caught everything going at nursery when DD was born. He continued to catch everything, but she never caught anything from him when she was little.

PinkSyCo · 29/10/2021 05:03

I think it rather depends on how much your DD enjoys nursery. If she really looks forward to going then it does seem a bit cruel to suddenly stop her, though I do 100% understand your concerns. Are you breastfeeding at all? As obviously that would offer your newborn some protection from viruses. Maybe you could voice your concerns with your health visitor or doctor? Congratulations on the safe arrival of DD number 2. Flowers

Original poster
twoundertwo3 · 29/10/2021 05:04

She was born at 35 weeks
Yes it will definitely fall on me to look after them both as he works 9-5. He is worried that I will loose my mind with looking after then both full time but honestly I can't deal with my DD colds and coughs anymore and definitely wouldn't want my newborn to catch if

OP posts:
Original poster
twoundertwo3 · 29/10/2021 05:08

@PinkSyCo

I think it rather depends on how much your DD enjoys nursery. If she really looks forward to going then it does seem a bit cruel to suddenly stop her, though I do 100% understand your concerns. Are you breastfeeding at all? As obviously that would offer your newborn some protection from viruses. Maybe you could voice your concerns with your health visitor or doctor? Congratulations on the safe arrival of DD number 2. Flowers
Yes she loves going that's why DH is reluctant to stop her from going & yes I'm breastfeeding but I'm not sure that will be enough to stop her from catching the nasty viruses that go around. I'm normally quite relaxed but I'm panicking as she's a premature baby 🤦🏻‍♀️ might be my hormones 😂
OP posts:
fallfallfall · 29/10/2021 05:13

Could the cough be allergy related, gastric reflux and not viral?

Fernando072020 · 29/10/2021 05:14

I think maybe a few months might be too much but I can understand why you want to keep DD1 home, it's exhausting when they're ill and on top of that, you'd be worrying about DD2. What about keeping her home a few weeks as a compromise?

SherryPalmer · 29/10/2021 05:42

This is such a tricky decision.

It’s just an anecdote but my school and nursery age kids brought home a cold from school and it turned out to be RSV and it hospitalised my 34 weeker when he was two months old. He ended up on a ventilator with bacterial pneumonia. After a week he was fine but it was scary times.

On the other hand, unless you completely isolate your toddler from her peers all winter then you can’t really mitigate this risk.

Wimblingwombling · 29/10/2021 05:44

Totally understand-can you try for a few weeks and reassess?

converseandjeans · 29/10/2021 06:16

Could you just send one or two days? If you're planning to breastfeed how will you entertain the toddler at home in the winter? I had both home except DD did couple of mornings with childminder and it was exhausting as age gap not big & she was a really easy toddler who would sit and entertain herself for reasonable length of time. I still don't think she would have managed for long periods of time with me sat breastfeeding so I bottle fed DS. I don't think I would have got them both out the house or napping at same time otherwise.

Have you tried multivitamin for DD - like one of the old fashioned tonics? Like minadex?

Newnews · 29/10/2021 06:33

Just wanted to say that breastfeeding doesn’t necessarily take ages even in the early days! Both my girls have fed for 5-10 mins at a time and then done. Would have spent just as long giving a bottle and then would also have had the faff of sterilising cleaning and making up bottles too. Also you can very easily just quickly offer baby a feed and if it turns out they’re not hungry you just pop your boob away no problem. Whereas with bottles you’d have to get everything ready.

Rugsofhonour · 29/10/2021 06:40

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

Waspsarearseholes · 29/10/2021 06:53

@Newnews

Just wanted to say that breastfeeding doesn’t necessarily take ages even in the early days! Both my girls have fed for 5-10 mins at a time and then done. Would have spent just as long giving a bottle and then would also have had the faff of sterilising cleaning and making up bottles too. Also you can very easily just quickly offer baby a feed and if it turns out they’re not hungry you just pop your boob away no problem. Whereas with bottles you’d have to get everything ready.
OP has already said she is breastfeeding. Why are you going on about how breastfeeding works? OP, this is a really tricky situation. Firstly, congratulations on your new arrival. I understand completely why you want to keep your daughter off nursery. I also understand where your husband is coming from. Argh, it's a tough one. The bugs are likely to get worse over winter now, also. I honestly don't know what I'd do. Could your health visitor offer a different perspective, maybe?
Teacupsandtoast · 29/10/2021 06:56

I wouldn't stress. If she'd been 25-34 weeks when she was born then I'd be more concerned but I'd leave your older dd in nursery and enjoy the time with your new baby

Nuttymonkey · 29/10/2021 06:59

I wouldn't stop sending her, I've been breastfeeding my dd whilst her brother has had virus after virus and my baby hasn't got many of them, and when she does, they are just sniffles and over so quickly. I see it as a good thing as she is building up her immune system with the benefits of breastmilk to help fight off the bugs quicker. Hopefully your second dd then won't get as poorly once at nursery

PlugUgly1980 · 29/10/2021 07:01

Keep sending your 2 year old to nursery. It is a fine balance but above anything it keeps their routine. It also means when DH comes home from work he can take baby from you and you get chance to have some 1:1 time with your toddler so they get some of your undivided attention, and you get a break from baby. It use to be my favourite time of the day 18:00 when DH got in from work and I could pass him baby and play with my eldest and chat about her day at nursery before her bath and bed time. It's hard hardwork having them both at home all day together in my experience. My eldest picked up every big going when she started nursery but didn't really pass anything on to my baby. Easier said then done, but I'd try not to overthink the illness piece and think more about the practicalities of managing two little ones at home on your own all day everyday.

peoniesandpastels · 29/10/2021 07:06

I have been wondering the same thing, I'm due with #2 in 6 weeks and my 2 year old picks up every bug going. The other thing I think you need to consider is how much of a huge change it is for your older daughter to have a new sibling. 3 days a week at nursery is a pretty significant chunk of her time, and an established part of her routine. If you take her out of that, that's a second big change for her to deal with at the same time.

You can only do what you think is best, but good luck making your decision.

girlmom21 · 29/10/2021 07:12

Babies are resilient. We had a baby 8 weeks ago. DD2 stayed in nursery and has brought all the sickness bugs, colds etc home. We've all been really poorly except the newborn!

Artie30 · 29/10/2021 07:31

I can totally understand the stress about this, wanting to protect your newborn but how will it affect your Dd not going to nursery? Catching viruses is a part of going to nursery I think. At that age Ds caught everything! He had a constant cough too but a lingering cough from a virus isn't usually contagious!

Ds was prone to catching everything. I had Dd when he was just 4 and between him going to pre school and starting big school. Honestly, Dd didn't catch much if anything it really helped build her immune system because she has barely caught anything over the years. I appreciate your newborn is premature though.. so a little harder.

Roll on next spring I say! 😅 had enough myself of everything that's going around as well as covid!

MistyFrequencies · 29/10/2021 07:37

My boy was born at 34 weeks. I sent my then toddler to nursery 3 days a week and I don't know if id have been sane if I hadn't. I also agree with your husband that it's a bit cruel to your toddler if she already loves it. I presume you're leaving the house to go other places? You can't totally eliminate risk. Just encourage child to wash her hands, cough into elbow etc and if you really want to you could change her clothes when she comes in.

MistyFrequencies · 29/10/2021 07:38

Also having a baby is a big change in your toddlers life. Best to keep everything else as routine as possible for a while I think.

GoodnightGrandma · 29/10/2021 07:46

Leave her in nursery, they do get all sort of bugs but it helps their immunity, and that in turn will help baby’s immunity.

Bunnycat101 · 29/10/2021 07:49

I would keep nursery going. My little one found being with her sister incredibly irritating until she was about 2. It is actually a bit rubbish trying to combine toddlers and babies. I much preferred the times I had either of them on a 1:1 basis. My l2yo would have been so upset if she’d been removed from nursery and her friends and stuck with me and the baby all week.

Illness though is a fair concern and my youngest did catch quite a bit but not until she was an older baby. Not sure if she had immunity from home early on etc. it was horrid but unless you keep your toddler away from other children (ie no classes, no playgroups no soft play etc) they will catch things anyway.

TasteTheMeatNotTheHeat · 29/10/2021 07:53

I would keep up with nursery.

My toddler was all over her little sister from day 1, and the baby didn't get noticeably ill until she was a few months old, and even then it was just the usual viruses. Nothing life threatening.