Baby safe sleep

[Sleepdeprivedanddesperate]

Not an AIBU, but why does my baby only like to sleep in things that aren’t safe when unsupervised? My arms/chest, sleepyhead, car seat, bouncer, pram carry cot

The carry cot (ocarro) is no different to the next to me crib we have, both firm mattresses etc so HOW DOES SHE KNOW?

Apparently the carry cot isn’t safe for unsupervised sleep due to airflow but I’m confused why because the top is uncovered? So desperate for some sleep but can’t bare the thought of trying to transfer her into her bed and her waking up

Any tips?

Should have said baby is 5 weeks

No advice but my baby is exactly the same (5 weeks too!) I’m bloody exhausted sat watching her sleep in my arms

Have you tried using white noise? It really helps my baby sleep, he also used to really hate his sleep by me crib and would cry every night when I was putting him down but he would sleep in anything else apart from that like his pram. he's now 6 months but from about 3 months I changed to a proper cot and from then I'm able to get him asleep in my arms every night and put him down in his cot no problem

Oh my goodness if only I could send you a selfie right now of this exact situation right now!! I'm absolutely exhausted, baby is about two weeks old and I am struggling!

I am sorry I can't offer any help but you are not alone and watching closely!

Sorry for the "right now"s! Cannot function

Babies are arseholes. Things got significantly easier from 6 weeks here. Take full advantage of any support you have in order to get some sleep yourself. You're doing a great job

Alexa is constantly playing white noise (so fucking annoying ) which helps slightly but she still only stays asleep 20 mins max in her own bed.

@StormInAGinGlass

Congratulations on your baby! It’s so hard isn’t it. DD slept perfectly in her own bed for the first 2 weeks and we kept boasting what a great sleeper she was

@ThatsNotMyReindeer

Well my partner is currently working away Monday - Friday, luckily only for a few more weeks though, so I desperately try and catch up on a weekend!

What age can you put baby in nursery from??

@Sleepdeprivedanddesperate we had one miracle night that I too boasted about

My friend swears by a sleepyhead in the cot but I know there are significant pros and cons with these.

The uppababy vista carrycot is suitable for overnight sleeping; it has Holes for ventilation in the base so it must be something to do with that. Could you try to pick up one secondhand (new mattress, obvs)?

Fwiw, they do all sleep eventually. You think you’re going to go crazy from lack of sleep but actually the really awful bit is short-lived, when you look back on it. Which you will.

If you’re breastfeeding you could look into safe cosleeping.

It's really hard. I was in this situation just over a year ago. I actually worried about staying awake if I had to drive for any reason.
I know it's not much help but at 6 months we moved him in to a cot in his own room. It worked like magic (well most of the time). Obviously sharing is recommended but I think we used to disturb him.
He used to fall asleep in the pram so I'd let him sleep in that as it was flat and sleep or rest on the sofa. DH did Saturday night which was the highlight of my week for a while!

My friend swears by a sleepyhead in the cot but I know there are significant pros and cons with these

We did this briefly in desperation but I’ve read horror stories about them and decided to stop.

@PiratePetespajamas

Thanks, will look into that. I wish we’d bought a pram that was safe for overnight sleep but I didn’t think for a second baby would be so picky! I am breastfeeding but DD was only 4lb 1oz when born at 37 weeks and my HV has said she’s too small to consider co-sleeping.

@Rosebel

I’m counting down the days till she can go in her own room as when we do finally get her to sleep, she’s a grunter

Ah yes, this. It’s kind of like somebody went around going ‘what are the few places and situations babies will actually settle in for long enough to sleep by themselves in...? Oh, those.... right, we’ll put all those down on the list of unsafe sleeping situations then’ 🤦‍♀️

Obviously (before I get piled on by over-earnest MNers), the above is a black joke, dredged up from bitter personal experience that is still etched upon my psyche and soul 6 years later. What I suspect is really going on is that young babies crave closeness and security and anything that mimics that is what they will sleep happily in. Unfortunately they are more likely to suffer SIDS when in a deep sleep and lighter sleep is safer for them, so this makes the places they’re happiest and most secure in the most dangerous to them. There’s also a danger of insufficient airflow and perhaps overheating.

It’s truly shit and you go half out of your mind with the extreme sleep deprivation, but it does end! Looking back, it’s actually only for a relatively short period, it just feels like forever when you’re in the thick of it.

My HV said my daughter was too small for safe cosleeping too. But she wouldn’t sleep any other way and I was on my knees. We were all much happier, and safer, once I intentionally put her to sleep in my bed.

Read about safe co sleeping, accept she wants to sleep with you (perfectly natural and normal), snd then relax and try to enjoy it because you’ll miss her sleeping in your arms (NB this advice only stands if you can practice the “safe sleep 7” and not otherwise)

Trigger Warning - neonatal death

@AmyandPhilipfan While I know that many people like you have co-slept happily and safely in the same bed as their infants, if I ever had another baby (unlikely now given my age) I would follow the ABCs of safe sleep: baby to sleep alone, on their back, in their cot.

Four years ago, my newborn DS suffocated to death after I fell asleep while nursing him lying down in our bed. The coroner’s report cited death from co-sleeping with adults.

I look back and wish I had accepted all the offers of help that I had received from family and friends.

I wish I had recognised at the time that I was exhausted, and that I was endangering him by bringing him into bed with me.

I wish that I had paid more heed to the safe sleep advice offered by organisations like the Lullaby Trust.

Nothing will bring him back. The deep grief and guilt from accidentally suffocating one’s own newborn to death is something that I carry but don’t have adequate words to describe.

OP - I’m really sorry if this comes across as insensitive, I am really sympathetic to you for how tired you must feel. I hope that your baby starts sleeping for longer stretches soon.

It’s so hard, you have my sympathies! My son is 4 months now and I think all the noisy grunting noises stopped a couple months ago so hopefully you’ve not got too much longer than that. Pretty sure it’s a newborn thing as my eldest was the same too - I remember really struggling to sleep at the start even if I could get her to sleep due to all the noises she made! But eventually that stops and they become much quieter sleepers. When you can actually get them to sleep that is...

@VeraGriffin so sorry for your loss

Have you tried using a hot water bottle to warm up her crib before transitioning her? That works well for us during the night and DD tends to get 8-10 hours in her crib with 1-2 wakeup to eat.

During the day is a different ball game, she won't sleep anywhere but on me or in a moving pram/sling. Babies are weird!

@VeraGriffin that is awful I'm so sorry for your loss

It's rough! Your DC will sleep eventually. My DD is 4mo and never spend a moment out of my arms. She slept on my chest every night and I held her throughout the day.
Around 8 weeks everything changed, and she first started to sleep on her own on the changing mat. It seemed weird but it worked.

Otherwise get yourself a sling so you can at least use your arms. Good luck, I understand your pain!

Thanks everyone for replying. I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable with co sleeping and can’t imagine I’d get much sleep that way either, I only relax when I know she’s in a recommended safe space or I’m constantly checking she’s okay.

@VeraGriffin i’m so sorry for your loss, I can’t even imagine. Thank you for sharing on here

Have you tried a moses basket - she might like the feeling of being enclosed/surrounded- going by where she likes to sleep. My son would sleep in his moses basket in the cot. still following safe sleep guidelines. I then transitioned him out of the moses basket into the cot.

The next to me might feel too open for her.

Day time naps were hit or miss though!

I had a small baby, although not as small as yours, and she was swamped by our next to me. We found the moses basket + grobag safe swaddle + dummy (for getting off to sleep only) helped create that feeling of security she needed. We would cuddle her in the grobag then put her down in the basket after she dropped off. Really helped us!

Thank you everyone for your kind words.

OP, it sounds like you’re already on guard (not sure if you’d describe it as anxiety), I’m sorry if I’ve added any worry to what you’re already on alert for. Sending sleepy vibes to your little one!

For what it’s worth (for anyone considering co-sleeping), I don’t think that what I was doing the night that DS died was totally in adherence to La Leche League’s Safe 7. The one condition that I don’t think that we met was that our DS was probably wearing too many layers. I didn’t know about the Safe 7 at the time. I wish I did.

Haven’t tried a Moses basket but I’m staying at my mums next week and she has one there, so going to see if she likes it.

Her next to me is pretty big and she looks lost in it. We swaddle her which she likes but soon realises she isn’t in our arms and starts trying to break free.